Valerie Gray: Siblings Who Lust With Trust

I breathed deep, and finished my explanations. 'Number five is of a more practical nature. If we do this, we are in it together. Right? That means that you will have to feel free to tell me about what you do or don't like. I promise you that I will always respect that, like I respect you. From my side, for example, I get queasy and the shivers at the thought of anal sex, or so-called 'golden-showers' or pee-sex. While others may find that an enjoyable and exciting thing to do, it gives me the willies so I will always say no to that. I readily admit that it is my own limitation and my private little hang-up, but I nevertheless I expect you to respect that. Other side of the coin is that we will tell and show what gives us pleasure and enjoyment, so that we can enjoy each other as intimate and with as much pleasure as we would like to be enjoyed ourselves. Giving and taking. Last, but certainly not least I think that we will have to address the subject of fertility, or better still, prevention thereof. I have condoms at home, and we can try to use those although I never got the chance to use them before, but in any case they're there and it can't be that hard. I don't know how you think about the pill, but I don't think it's a good idea to run risks. Well, dear sister, that's it. Your turn.'

Emily sharply eyed me with a look that contained a mixture of acknowledgment, admiration and warm love, but also determination and soberness. 'Wow, that's the nicest most loving thing you ever said to me. Not because of one specific thing in particular, but as a whole. That is new to me and I am grateful of it and it makes me love you even more. On the other hand of course, I'm not a moron myself, and I have thought often and deep about all this. For crying out loud: I find myself almost constantly thinking of it basically amount to the same. A couple of moments ago, I was prepared to have sex with the big 'S' with you, and I still am. I was prepared to let you at it and come inside of me, without expecting to come myself and just wait and see how it would further develop. Luckily, you kept your eye on the ball. As to my choice to do it with you, I want you to know that as from the age of seven or eight, I have been off and on in love with you. At first in the little girl's innocent and romantic way, but ever since I tore my maidenhood when I was nine, I have had sex with you on my mind. I think that almost all girls who have brothers at one point or the other are secretly in love with them, but that later down the road, with boyfriends and such, that fades away. I find that I had no-one to talk to with than you and you have always been unconditionally sincere and loving towards me. On the other hand, the fact that you seemed so completely unaware of that and were so ignorant of my feelings of affection towards you has often made me desperately sad and drove me mad with frustration. You can't imagine how many times I have cried myself to sleep feeling rejected by you when I heard from other kids about the naughty sex-games that they played with each other. Things like playing doctor and such, and that you seemed completely uninterested in doing that with me. You were completely oblivious of what I wanted and that made me sometimes feel that you didn't like me or at least did not find me very attractive. You were such a stiff and awkward dick-head where it came to that I often wondered what I actually saw in you in the first place, but I always returned to the point where I wanted to be closer to you.'

Emily paused and looking back in time, I realized some of the things that I had overlooked or had been so completely ignorant about. I could only begin to understand the pain and sadness that Emily must have felt about my seeming ignorance and distance that I had kept from her. I had to swallow a couple of times when I heard that. I was not blind or dumb, and I had heard the stories of those sex-games as well. They never failed to excite me and make me horny. I had always been too shy, afraid of being rejected or found out, to do anything about it or take part in them, except with the e girl from next door and even that was more on her initiative than on mine.

I guess that I also was afraid to let others get too close to me and tended to keep my cards close to my chest. I think that if we would have played those games as well, we wouldn't have had this conversation at this point and our lives would have looked a lot different. Besides that, I was a boy, and boys tend to be a little thickheaded about those things, and I must have been no exception.

After having paused to allow me to let things sink in a bit Emily continued. 'I am fully aware what incest means and what the consequences can be. Actually I know more about the possible direct implications than you do, since I have seen them from very close up. Do you remember Rebecca, you know, the one with the long blonde hair and glasses? She used to live a couple of blocks away.'

I nodded. I had met Rebecca a couple of times at Emily's birthday parties and I had to admit that I had always been very much taken with her. She had been, as they called it, rather precocious in the physical sense and had appeared to be entirely uninhibited in her contacts, expressions and physical intimacy. I myself had always been a bit more cautious and had carefully kept my 'grapplers' to myself. At the time I found that I had plenty of other headaches and worries, and that I could do without being expected generally embarrassing and potentially hard-handed parental interventions.

Emily continued, 'Well, in order to cut down to the chase, She did it with her brothers, her sister and with whomever she took a fancy to within her extended family or outside it. She even did it with me when I found myself to be miserable and with a severe case of 'the blues' about your pig-headed and arrogant ignorance towards me and I thought that I could find some comfort with her. She didn't do it because she was forced, or was enticed into it. If there was any force or enticement, it was hers. She just liked doing it so much that she didn't have any compulsion against it. You could call her a natural and she was completely happy and at ease with that. Too bad that one of the one of those so-called virtuous self-righteous hypocrites from church caught air of it and now she is put into a closed boarding-school or institution somewhere in the boondocks. Her dad 's in prison and the rest of the family is up shit creek without as much as a toothpick for a paddle. They're in counseling, institutionalized or in foster care, you know. Every once in a while I receive a letter from her, but her problems are far from over, but I don't think that she's going to change very much. It is too much part of her life to give that up. At least that's what she wrote to me. She's planning to live with her brother as soon as they'll let her out of the institution. For me it's not so much because I think it's fun or just enjoyable, because that still remains to be seen. It's because I love you and I feel that I don't have a choice since I already made that one long ago.”

Emily finished, looking at me lovingly. She reached over and pulled me towards her as she rose up to meet me and trembling brought her lips to mine. At first she brushed them very lightly against mine, barely touching them but letting their softness and warmth invite me to answer her. I put an arm around her as well and ever so gently answered her.

We withdrew just a bit, but then immediately returned, more daring and certain now. Emily let the tip of her tongue play over my lips, almost teasing me to open up and follow her in her play. Again we let our lips part, only to return with more vigor, more daring and urging, hungry for more and more intimate. We kissed deeply now, opening up to each other, letting our hands roam over our bodies and for the first time allow them to touch and caress one another as lovers. The touch of her soft cool hand on the skin of my body seemed to leave a trace of delightful sparks behind, at least that's how it felt. The sweet fresh smell of her breath and the taste of her mouth as our tongues played with each other and danced a happy passionate dance made my breath stall and ran a shiver of indescribable delight through me. We entwined in our first wondrous contact with each other that left us breathless. I grunted and opened myself up to her, letting her breathe through our kiss and felt her do the same as we shared the living life-giving breath between us.