Frank Harris - My Life and Loves, Book 1

I had no idea one could feel so badly when being «decompressed» in the air-lock, but I took Anderson's advice and got into the open as soon as I could, and by the time I had walked home in the evening and changed, I felt strong again; but the headache didn't leave me entirely and the earache came back every now and then, and to this day a slight deafness reminds me of that spell of work under water. I went into Central Park for half an hour; the first pretty girl I met reminded me of Jessie: in one week I'd be free to see her and tell her I was making good and she'd keep her promise, I felt sure; the mere hope led me to fairyland. Meanwhile nothing could take away the proud consciousness that with my five dollars I had earned two weeks' living in a day: a month's work would make me safe for a year. When I returned I told the Mulligans I must pay for my board, saying «I'd feel better, if you'll let me,» and finally they consented, although Mrs. Mulligan thought three dollars a week too much. I was glad when it was settled and went to bed early to have a good sleep. For three or four days things went fairly well with me, but on the fifth or sixth day we came on a spring of water, or «gusher,» and were wet to the waist before the air pressure could be increased to cope with it.

As a consequence, a dreadful pain shot through both my ears: I put my hands to them tight and sat still a little while. Fortunately, the shift was almost over and Anderson came with me to the horse-car.

«You'd better knock off,» he said. «I've known 'em go deaf from it.»

The pain had been appalling, but it was slowly diminishing and I was resolved not to give in. «Could I get a day off?» I asked Anderson. He nodded, «Of course: you're the best in the shift, the best I've ever seen, a great little pony.» Mrs. Mulligan saw at once something was wrong and made me try her household remedy-a roasted onion cut in two and clapped tight on each ear with a flannel bandage. It acted like magic: in ten minutes I was free of pain; then she poured in a little warm sweet oil and in an hour I was walking in the park as usual. Still, the fear of deafness was on me and I was very glad when Anderson told me he had complained to the boss and we were to get an extra thousand feet of pure air. It would make a great difference, Anderson said, and he was right, but the improvement was not sufficient. One day, just as the «decompression» of an hour and a half was ending, an Italian named Manfredi fell down and writhed about, knocking his face on the floor till the blood spurted from his nose and mouth. When we got him into the shed, his legs were twisted like plaited hair. The surgeon had him taken to the hospital. I made up my mind that a month would be enough for me. At the end of the first week, I got a note from Jessie saying that her father was going on board that afternoon and she could see me the next evening. I went and was introduced to Jessie's sister who, to my surprise, was tall and large but without a trace of Jessie's good looks. «He's younger than you, Jess,» she burst out laughing. A week earlier I'd have been hurt to the soul, but I had proved myself, so I said simply,

«I'm earning five dollars a day, Mrs. Plummer, and money talks.» Her mouth fell open in amazement. «Five dollars,» she repeated, «I'm so sorry, I-I-» «There, Maggie,» Jessie broke in, «I told you, you had never seen anyone like him; you'll be great friends yet. Now come and we'll have a walk,» she added, and out we went. In Germany I have since learned the state requires that ten times as much pure air must be supplied as we had, and in consequence the serious illnesses which with us amounted to eighty per cent in three months have been reduced to eight. Paternal government, it appears, has certain good points. (F.H.) To be with her even in the street was delightful and I had a lot to say, but making love in a New York street on a summer evening is difficult and I was hungry to kiss and caress her freely. Jessie, however, had thought of a way: if her sister and husband had theatre tickets, they'd go out and we'd be alone in the apartment; it would cost two dollars, however, and she thought that a lot. I was delighted: I gave her the bills and arranged to be with her next night before eight o'clock. Did Jessie know what was going to happen? Even now I'm uncertain, though I think she guessed. Next night I waited till the coast was clear and then hurried to the door.

As soon as we were alone in the little parlor and I had kissed her, I said, «Jessie, I want you to undress. I'm sure your figure is lovely, but I want to know it.» «Not at once, eh?» she pouted. «Talk to me first. I want to know how you are,» and I drew her to the big armchair and sat down with her in my arms. «What am I to tell you?» I asked, while my hand went up her dress to her warm thighs and sex. She frowned, but I kissed her lips and with a movement or two stretched her out on me so that I could use my finger easily. At once, her lips grew hot and I went on kissing and caressing till her eyes closed and she gave herself to the pleasure. Suddenly she wound herself upon me and gave me a big kiss. «You don't talk,» she said. «I can't,» I exclaimed, making up my mind. «Come,» and I lifted her to her feet and took her into the bedroom. «I'm crazy for you,» I said; «take off your clothes, please.» She resisted a little, but when I began loosening her dress, she helped me and took it off. Her knickers, I noticed, were new. They soon fell off and she stood in her chemise and black stockings. «That's enough, isn't it,» she said, «Mr. Curious,» and she drew the chemise tight about her. «No,» I cried, «beauty must unveil, please!» The next moment the chemise, slipping down, caught for a moment on her hips and then slid circling round her feet.

Her nakedness stopped my heart; desire blinded me: my arms went round her, straining her soft form to me: in a moment I had lifted her onto the bed, pulling the bed clothes back at the same time. The foolish phrase of being in bed together deluded me: I had no idea that she was more in my power just lying on the edge of the bed; in a moment I had torn off my clothes and boots and got in beside her. Our warm bodies lay together, a thousand pulses beating in us; soon I separated her legs and, lying on her, tried to put my sex into hers, but she drew away almost at once. «O-O, it hurts,» she murmured, and each time I tried to push my sex in her, her «O's» of pain stopped me.

My wild excitement made me shiver; I could have struck her for drawing away; but soon I noticed that she let my sex touch her clitoris with pleasure and I began to use my cock as a finger, caressing her with it. In a moment or two I began to move it more quickly, and as my excitement grew to the height, I again tried to slip it into her pussy, and now, as her love-dew came, I got my sex in a little way, which gave me inexpressible pleasure; but when I pushed to go further, she drew away again with a sharp cry of pain. At the same moment my orgasm came on for the first time and seed like milk spirted from my sex. The pleasure-thrill was almost unbearably keen; I could have screamed with the pang of it, but Jessie cried out: «Oh, you're wetting me,» and drew away with a frightened, «Look, look!» And there, sure enough, on her round white thighs were patches of crimson blood. «Oh! I'm bleeding,» she cried. «What have you done?»

«Nothing,» I answered, a little sulky, I'm afraid, at having my indescribable pleasure cut short, «Nothing»; and in a moment I had got out of bed, and taking my handkerchief soon wiped away the tell-tale traces. But when I wanted to begin again, Jessie would not hear of it at first. «No, no,» she said. «You've really hurt me, Jim (my Christian name, I had told her, was James), and I'm scared; please be good.» I could only do her will until a new thought struck me. At any rate, I could see her now and study her beauties one by one, and so still lying by her I began kissing her left breast and soon the nipple grew a little stiff in my mouth. Why, I didn't know and Jessie said she didn't, but she liked it when I said her breasts were lovely, and indeed they were, small and firm, while the nipples pointed straight out. Suddenly, the thought came, surprising me: it would have been much prettier if the circle surrounding the nipples had been rose-red, instead of merely amber-brown. I was thrilled by the bare idea. But her flanks and belly were lovely; the navel like a curled sea-shell, I thought, and the triangle of silky brown hairs on the Mount of Venus seemed to me enchanting, but Jessie kept covering her beauty-place. «It's ugly,» she said, «please boy,» but I went on caressing it and soon I was trying to slip my sex in again; though Jessie's «O's» of pain began at once and she begged me to stop.