Anonymous - The Autobiography of a Flea, Book 3

“How old are you, my pretty creature?”

“E-eighteen, Y-Your Worship.” There followed another gasp, and then a hesitant, “Do-do you truly find me so, Y-Your Worship?”

“If I might see you alone at your prayers, my daughter, I would deem you nigh unto a young angel, or at least a seraphim, so comely is your presence. What a mantle of dark brown hair, like unto this agreeable ale in hue! And that visage, with pure high brow and dainty nose and full ripe mouth on whose soft lips prayers assuredly must speed faster to sympathetic listeners than from the lips of a duke or baron! Of medium height, yet not fragile, with richly ardent contours shaping out the modest veil of skirt and bodice. And such large, infinitely gentle dark brown eyes with long curly lashes that, I know, are quick to flutter and shut out the sight of iniquity! And yet, bound by indenture to a hard though just master, menial toil has not marred the peach-like bloom of your carnation skin, my daughter! And all this marvel of grace and youth and loveliness is called Emily!”

“Ohhhhh, Y-Your Worship!” Emily breathed in awe-stricken adulation.

I heard Father Lawrence chuckle benignly: “My daughter, you address me with the titular nomenclature befitting a judge on the bench, whereas I am far from that, being only a humble priest. Yet, not wishing to be rude in response to your evidently sincere greeting, which shows the deepest respect, I might tell you that as a judge – a mortal and unfrocked judge solely, I would pronounce your charms and bearing to be admirable. How long have you been indentured to my good friend Thomas?”

“T-three years, Your – I mean – what am I to call you?” the minx stammered.

“Father, or Your Reverence, or my true name, Father Lawrence. And I in turn shall call you my daughter Emily. Are you happy here, considering that no one who is bound over to another can truly know the ultimate of happiness?”

“Oh, yes, Your – Your Reverence. My master is rough but kind, and does not beat me more than every other month, and mostly when I am lax in my chores.”

“To recognize authority and discipline shows your inherently good nature, my daughter, and I am happy to state that he has not tyrannically enforced his rights as holder of your indenture. But tell me,” and now his voice was suavely unctuous, “has he sought other rights upon your lovely person?”

“Oh, sir! I – I mean, Y-Your Reverence! He would not like me to prattle of such matters, I'm sure,” Emily gushed.

“Then he has taken you to bed with him, my daughter?”

“B-but it was not a sin, as he has no wife and is a man of nature, which has its needs as even a lowly bound girl has hers, Y-Your Reverence!”

“Spoken with a tolerance that shows the essentially free spirit which motivates you, my daughter! Now, I am desirous to talking more privately with you after your duties are done this night. Will that be possible, my daughter?”

“Y-yes s-sir. I – I mean, Y-your Reverence. I – I am off at ten, I am, and I have my own room, the master's very nice about such things, not making me sleep on a pile of straw in the cellar as he did the servant who was here before I came.”

“And where is your room, dear Emily?”

“At the top of the stairs, just off the broom closet, Y-Your Reverence. It is a little room, but then, as the master says, all a body needs a room for is to sleep in.”

“Eminent wisdom, my daughter. Then, I look forward to our resumed discussion somewhat after ten this night. Thank you, my daughter, for your graciousness, and I will not occupy you further.”

“Thank you, Y-Your Reverence!” And with a stifled little giggle – why must females emit that sound so resembling the muted bray of a jackass when under the stress of perfectly basic emotions? Emily scurried off for I heard a door bang to and assumed she must have gone back into the kitchen to see to the roast beef and all the other condiments of the forthcoming repast.

I heard Father Lawrence sigh, “What a charming creature, that one!” and then, after a pause, say in louder voice, “And now to look in upon my lovely little wards to make sure they are cozily quartered.”

And with this, he strode up the stairway to the rooms he had engaged, the locket and myself bouncing up and down in his cassock pocket every energetic step of the way.

A scant half hour later, having doubtless freshened their sweet persons from the rigor of the journey by coach from Dover, Marisia, Louisette and Denise, accompanied by my unwitting jailer, came down to a table in the main dining hall of the inn to consume the viands prepared for them. Good Thomas regaled the three fair damsels with extravagant and flowery phrases, most of which they of course did not understand but for the prompt translations which Father Lawrence made from the English into French. Emily served the table at which the English ecclesiastic sat with his virginal wards, and from time to time, as she came to replenish the flagon of ale – or of milk for the damsels, to be sure – or to bring another loaf of crusty brown bread and to slice another generous portion of the rare roast beef, I heard Father Lawrence commend her in terms as flowery as those his host was using to attract the attention of these nymphets.

Finally the feast was done with, and Thomas and my jailer drank a last toast in ale, and then Thomas yawned loudly and said he must be early to his bed, for on the morrow he was to provide lodging and victuals for a dozen gallants and their servants off to Dover to cross to France for the social season at the King's court.

“You are excused, my good brother,” Father Lawrence genially exclaimed, “but I marvel that with so small a household staff you can provide for all your guests without failing in some measure of service. How is it that you did not take unto yourself a wife these many years, who might even now be readying herself to share the burdens with you?”

“One need not own a cow to have milk, as you yourself well know,” replied that worthy, “and I have never felt the urge to fetter myself and submit to nagging day and night. I am happier with servants to direct, like that baggage Emily, who is humble, knows her place and, so far as female charms are concerned, is pleasant enough to gaze upon so that my guests do justice to my kitchen and my ale. Aye, if I had a wife, she would drive custom forth by ranting at them should one of the worthy gentry seek to pinch her bottom. But Emily is not so disposed, and, indeed, the baggage simpers and bridles when a worthy guest so favors her with such a posteriori attentions, considering them flattery to her station. No, give me a bound servant over a wife! Hey ho, I am yawning, and that is discourteous.”

“It is the ale and your advancing years, my brother.”

“Advancing years, do you say! You black-robed hellion, you are not so much younger that I cannot still best you at any sport, whether it be wenching or ale-quaffing!”

“I cannot accept your challenge for the very reason of my black robe. But I warrant you, if you make inquiry at some future date, you will hear good reports of my manliness. Come, my daughters, say a sweet good night to Thomas here, your good host, and wish him the most enchanting of dreams for his lonely bed this night!” This last, in French, to his wards, caused once again a chorus of sounds I could by now dispense with, but it amused good Thomas, for he commended Father Lawrence on his excellent good taste and wished him a kind of envious joy in his charge of them. And so at last he left the table, and Father Lawrence, hearing the clock chime nine hours, urged his wards to bed.

“Do you, Marisia,” he whispered into that young raven-haired siren's ear, “help Denise and Louisette be comfortable in their room, and ascertain they have the larger quarters and the wider bed. To this purpose, that you are to urge them to procure that accurate count which was essayed last sight, for it is vital that before they enter the doors of St. Thaddeus, they know to a follicle the exact number of pussyhairs which grace their virgin thighs. Go now, with my blessing, and do not let them – or yourself either, my dear child – tarry without sleep once they have completed this obligation.”