Beauregard de Farniente - The Adventures of Father Silas

“You see her here every day; she is as pretty as devout, but why talk of beauty to you who are saints? You despise all such trumpery.”

“My sister, do you think us so dull and wicked as not to admire the beautiful works of God, above all, when what they have of earthly is purified by such heavenly virtues?”

The good dame, all enthusiasm at the turn I had given my curiosity, described this saint to me, and I recognised in her sketch a lovely brunette who attended our services. Father Simeon, said I to myself, here is one of your devotees; let me take care of this one, she may perhaps make you a prophet. For fear of arousing the old dame's suspicions I did not ask her to use her influence to place her daughter among the number of my penitents, leaving it for another chance; I gave her absolution for the past and present, and should not have refused it for the future, had she asked it, as it is not a very expensive article. I engaged her, however, to come and refresh herself often in the waters of penitence. Thus ended my first confessional adventure.

I imagine, my dear reader, that I hear you exclaim, “Well done, lascivious monk, you are now on the right road, and will soon effect a perfect cure, if all goes on well.” Yes, yes; the sanctity of the character I have just assumed begins already to operate. Blessed be God! How powerful is his grace! I stand enough now to convince me that I shall soon stand more.

I did not fail to attend prayers next day: you may easily divine the reason. I saw my brunette praying with all her might. There she is! said I, a charming girl, a model of all the virtues. What a pleasure to crack such a delicious morsel! How ravishing the thought of giving her the first lesson in love! The confessional for ever! I am cured! I stand like a Carmelite friar: (why not say a Celestine, are not they as good as the rest?) But I see my devout one looks at me; can her mother have spoken to her about me? Quick, quick! Let us relieve the burning of the internal fire by a little rubbing! The rolling of the eyes produced by this occupation was taken for excess of devotion. The pleasure that I had in frigging myself while contemplating my devotee was the earnest of what would be mine if I could have something more of her than the mere sight. I taxed my address for means to procure this happiness, which in a few days' time fell into my power by chance.

One day I went out of the convent, and when I returned, at nightfall, the porter told me, as he opened the door, that a young lady was waiting for me in the parlor. I instantly went thither, and how great was my rapture and surprise on recognising my devotee! As soon as she saw me, she fell at my feet.

“Take pity on me!” said she weeping.

“What is the matter?” said I, lifting her up. “Speak: the Lord is merciful, he sees your tears; open your heart to his minister.”

As she tried to speak, she fell into my arms in a swoon. What was I to do! I thought of calling for help, but reflection prevented me, by suggesting that I might never have a better opportunity. I laid her on a sofa and unlaced her corset, which gave me a sight of her bosom, and a finer I had never seen; as I lifted up her gown and shift, it seemed like the entrance of paradise: I soon fastened my mouth on hers, and took a blissful kiss. I proceeded to put my arms round her and press her to my breast; a sudden palpitation seized me, I let go of her and stood a moment to contemplate. I then blew out the light, and taking her in my arms, gained my chamber unperceived with the beautiful burden.

Heavens! How light it seemed! When I had laid her down on the bed, I relighted the candle, and gazed on her again. I uncovered her bosom, drew up her petticoats, opened her thighs, examining and admiring her secret charms. What a spectacle! Love and the graces embellished her person. Fair, fat, and firm, everything was there to charm the eye. Tired of admiring without enjoying, I put my mouth and my hands upon the beauties I had been so earnestly gazing on; but I had scarcely touched her, when she sighed, and put her hand where she felt mine. I kissed her on the mouth, and she tried to pull away my hand, and make an entry with her finger. My ardor produced the same effect on me, and I kept my hold. She tried to break from my embrace, which I opposed, and she fell backwards; but raised herself up in a passion, and tried to scratch my face, beside biting and kicking, but nothing stopped me. I extended myself on her person, and left her hands free to do whatever her fury inspired, employing mine to part her thighs, which she so obstinately pressed together as to make me despair. Fury increased her strength, passion lessened mine; a decisive struggle was necessary, so I summoned all my energies and succeeded in opening her thighs; in a moment my tool had found its destined lodgings; I pushed in; it went, and all the rage of my devotee vanished away; she hugged me, kissed me, shut her eyes and swooned. I no longer knew what I was doing, but kept pushing away, till I spent and flooded my lady. She also discharged, and there we both lay insensible, quite absorbed in pleasure.

My companion had no sooner recovered her senses that she invited me by her caresses to replunge her in that sweet delirium from which she had just escaped. When we had drained the cup of pleasure to the very dregs, I went down into the kitchen to fetch something to repair the forces of a sick person, which I pretended was myself. When I returned to my chamber I found my devotee very low-spirited! I soon partially raised her spirits by kind attentions, and determined after our repast to learn the cause of her sadness. We supped without making any noise, for fear of a discovery, and lest my treasure should be confiscated to the profit of the fish-house, agreeably to the rules of the order.

As we were fatigued, we felt more inclined to go to bed than to sit up and talk. We immediately did so, but as soon as we found ourselves naked in bed, repose fled far from us, I put my hand to her bower, and she did me a like service; admiring the size and firmness of my tool, she exclaimed:

“Ah! I am no longer surprised that you have reconciled me to the pleasure I had resolved to hate.”

I was less eager to ask why she had come to such an extraordinary resolution, than by giving her another taste of it, to prove how foolish it was ever to have formed it. She received me into her arms with inexpressible eagerness, and we hugged each other so closely that we could hardly breathe. The bed was scarcely able to bear the impression made on it by exertions, but began to crack horribly: an exquisite intoxication succeeded our efforts, and we fell asleep without changing position.

The dawn found us still asleep in this manner; and whether our imagination had caused an efflux of the delicious fluid which announces the internal fire, or whether we had discharged mechanically, we were inundated when we. awoke. We soon renewed our amusement, and I found myself in a condition to acquit myself like a monk. I will not detail to you how many times we indulged in these exercises, but will pass on to explain the circumstances that had thrown her into my arms.

She had an air of disquietude and sorrow that quite affected me; and I entreated her to open her heart to me, and be persuaded that I would remove her grief if it could by any possibility be done.

“Shall I lose your heart, my dear Silas, if I avow that you are not the first who had made me taste the joys of love? Satisfy me against a fear which oppresses my very soul, and which, in spite of myself, gives my countenance an air of sorrow I cannot conceal. Yes, that is the only fear that disturbs me at present; my own fate occupies me not, now I have you.”

“Can you then,” said I, “distrust the charms that you offer to my eyes? Little do you know their value if you doubt their power! Yes, the ardor with which they inspire me is too strong not to feel indignant at such a fear. Ah! Little do you know me! If a ridiculous prejudice had made a difference between a girl that has been poked and one that is to be poked, I have not adopted it. Ought the beauty which has charmed others to lose its right to please us also? Had you done it with all the Earth, are you not still the same? Are you not a lovely girl, and all precious in my eyes? Have the pleasures that you conferred on others diminished the piquancy of those I have enjoyed?”