Beauregard de Farniente - The Adventures of Father Silas

“We are alone, my dear,” said she, redoubling her caresses; “nobody can see us, let us undress and get into my bed. Come here, my beloved Silas, I will soon make you stand.” We were in bed in a few moments, and I suffered her to proceed as she chose, out of complaisance rather than the anticipation of pleasure. All her attempts to restore my forces were futile, till she fetched a little bottle containing a whitish liquor, of which she took a few drops in her hand and rubbed it over my tool and its appurtenances, as the lawyers say.

“Come, my love, our pleasures are not yet over; you will very soon have something to say to me.”

Her prediction was not long in coming to pass. In a few minutes my weapon stood in a most extraordinary manner, and I became almost mad from over-excitement. I no longer saw, felt, or knew anything, but was ready to devour her-all my ideas were concentrated on her slit.

“Hold, my love,” cried she, snatching herself from my arms; “do not be so hasty; let us make the most of our pleasures; since their existence is but momentary, let it be exquisite. Put your head at my feet, and your feet to my head.” I did so. “Now put your tongue in my bower, and I will put your tool in my mouth. That's it! bravo! How delightful it is!”

And verily it was delightful! I seemed to float in an ocean of pleasures, as I thrust my tongue into her shell, and wanted to get my whole head in. Madame Dinville pressed my backside, and I her buttocks, while she tickled me with her tongue and lips. After some moments thus mutually employed, we both spent, and the pleasure which in its approach had so enraptured us became a very shadow in possession. I was now in exactly the same state of depression and exhaustion as before the application of the chemical remedy, and entreated her to have recourse to it a second time. She said it would be very injurious to me, and might perhaps cause my death. As I was now ready to dress, on parting she cautioned me to be discreet, and to come and see her again in three days- which I promised to do.

In obedience to the directions of Madame Dinville, I withdrew from her chamber as secretly as possible, and was somewhat startled when I met Susan in an antechamber. My conscience reproached me for my infidelity towards her, and I was half afraid that she knew what I had been at with her godmother. She took my hand without speaking, and I was so confused that I could not look her in the face for some moments, and when I did it was to see her eyes glistening with tears -a sight that pierced me to the heart. In a moment she had recovered the empire of my affections, which Madame had for a time deprived her of. I could never have imagined it possible that I should feel myself so utterly absorbed in love for her.

I found that she was jealous of my attentions to another, and I could not convince her that her suspicions were unfounded. She wanted me to promise that I would not visit Madame Dinville any more, and then I told her that I had received an invitation for the third day following, which I could not well avoid accepting.

“If that be the ease,” said she, “come by all means, and I will pretend to be ill, that you may pass the whole day with me in my chamber; but you have not yet seen it; come with me now, I will show it you.”

As I followed her, a most disagreeable anticipation of the misfortune about to befall me was harrowing up my very soul.

“Here,” said she, opening the door of a sweet little chamber, “this is my room; and I fancy you will have no objection to spending the evening with me.”

“O my Susan how delicious it will be! What happiness you promise me!”

“O it will be so sweet to give ourselves up entirely to love-but it strikes me that you view the matter with great indifference, if you can wait three days so easily?”

I felt the force of this reproach, and at the same time my own incapability of proving it to be unjust. How bitterly I cursed the pleasures enjoyed with Madame Dinville! “Here am I alone with Susan,” I exclaimed mentally, “without the power to prove how much I love her.” In the midst of my distress, I recollected that the lady had given me some lozenges, and I supposed they were intended to produce the same effect as the liquor she had used to invigorate me. Hoping they would be as prompt in their operation, I swallowed several of them. But all my hopes were in vain; however, I laid Susan down on the bed and placed myself upon her-but friction, frigging, and every means of excitement still left me in the same state of utter impotence: I could give her nothing but my finger. A deathlike coldness had chilled my whole frame. Susan sighed at seeing my condition, and I cursed the fatal present of Madame Dinville; for I imagined that she had foreseen what was likely to happen and had given me the lozenges to complete my exhaustion. I was just going to confess my impotence to Susan, when I was helped out of my dilemma in a totally unexpected manner; for the bedcurtains were suddenly thrown back by some invisible hand, which also inflicted a most tremendous slap on my naked posteriors. I was too frightened to scream-but I jumped up and ran off as hastily as I could, leaving poor Susan to face the spectre alone. Had I been cooler in my flight, I should easily have recognized in that devilish apparition the forbidding profile of the Abbe Pilot clad only in shirt and night cap, gesticulating wildly and swearing like a pagan. But the fear which drove every other thought from my mind also gave me wings with which to fly. I left the chateau as speedily as my legs could carry me, and had not ceased trembling when in my bed at the rector's. I slept soundly, but when I awoke in the morning was so weak as to be unable to get up. I was then convinced how necessary it is in even our highest enjoyments, to avoid going to excess. My own fears were soon gone, but I was still very uneasy about Susan.

On the night before the day appointed for my visit to the chateau I felt but little desirous to undergo the exercise that I knew awaited me there, but when I thought of the sorry figure I cut with Susan, the lozenges occurred to my memory, and I immediately ate all that remained. I soon after fell asleep, and was awakened by the violence of the erection which ensued, and I should have verily been afraid the nerves would break, had I not experienced the same when with Madame Dinville. I had nothing but my fist to have recourse to, and was amusing, myself with that poor succedaneum, when I caught a glimpse of some one at the foot of my bed who instantly retired. I was not frightened at this, thinking it might be the abbe of whom I have spoken when describing Miss Nicole. Where can he be going? thought I-to roger the said young lady, no doubt, was my answer. So I resolved he should not go alone, instantly got out of bed, and proceeded to the corridor where I knew the fair one's chamber to be. I found one with the door open, which I entered, and cautiously approached the bed. I heard a breathing, but only of one person. I was not long in determining to take the abbe's place and proceeded forthwith to slip my hands up the lady's thighs and give her a kiss.

“What a time you have made me wait!” said she; “I was just falling asleep; get in directly, pray.”

I accordingly was in bed in a moment, and upon my Venus in another; she received me rather coldly. I was up to this indifference that she imagined she was showing off to her lover, and blessed my stars for the lucky chance of being revenged on one who had so often treated me with contempt. After all the preparatory pawing and kissing, the crisis came on, and I swam in a flood of pleasure. In a few minutes I repeated the dose, to her no small surprise; and could very well have gone a third time, but withheld for prudential reasons. Two discharges are generally sufficient to diminish one's ferocity, and dissipate the illusions of love. Indeed I felt the truth of the last observation, for in passing my hands over the beauties of my nymph, I was astonished at the change that had taken place in a few minutes. Her thighs, which before were smooth, plump, and firm, had become wrinkled, shrunk, and flabby; her shell was nothing but a handful of dry shrivelled skin; her breasts merely two leather bags. But all this would not have prevented me mounting the breach a third time and I was even preparing to do so, when we heard a row in the chamber next us, which I took to be the housekeeper's. On hearing the disturbance my partner exclaimed-“Good heavens! What are they doing to our child? Are they killing her? Go and see!” I did not reply to this, being so much amazed at its purport that I did not know what I was about. While I hesitated, the noise continued, and my bedfellow had recourse to the tinder-box, and when the candle was lighted, I saw my partner was the old housekeeper! I stood petrified at the sight of this phantom, and discovered that I had mistaken the localities. It appeared that the good rector had made an appointment with his housekeeper that night, to work off the superabundance of his carnal humors, and that she, taking me for him, had reproached me for delaying so long; the good priest to avoid all scandal had waited to a late hour, and passing by his niece's chamber and finding the door open, his affection for her had induced him to approach the bed, where he found her in the arms of a man, and, horror-struck at the sight, he gave them both unequivocal proofs of his disapprobation.