Anonymous - The Oyster Volume V

'I can tell the difference between a gentleman and a crossing sweeper,' she said quickly, 'However he may be turned out.'

'We must have a long talk together at some time in the future,' said Holmes. 'There are questions that I should like to put to you. Knowledge,' he said to me, 'must be sought in all quarters, even the most unlikely. But in the meantime, there is a problem to be solved.' He began to pace up and down. Then he patted his shabby pockets. 'Damn!' he said, 'I have mislaid my pipe in the fracas. I know I had it with me. It must be on the floor. You two look for it while I think.'

We searched and he pondered.

'We have to attract Lady M-'s attention without alarming her,' he said. 'We must also remember that the stranger we followed into the house may have come for reasons other than to engage the domestic staff in sexual intercourse. He may well be an emissary from the blackmailer. If so he could well still be on the premises, and one or more of the servants may be in league with him. We must be careful.'

'There is a maid's uniform hanging in one of the closets we passed,' said Megan, 'I could slip it on and go upstairs in search of her Ladyship. My appearance would not startle her and I could pass on a message to her.'

'A capital suggestion,' said Holmes, 'I will wait here, and Scott, you must resume your station in the street.'

'If you two gentlemen could help me get undressed and dressed again, it will speed things up,' said Megan.

'That would seem a task best suited to Mr. Scott's talents,' said Holmes. 'Ah! My pipe!' He picked it up from a corner of the room where it had lain unnoticed. 'This will aid the thought processes.'

Megan sent me off to fetch the uniform from the closet we had passed earlier while she began to strip off her rather grubby woollen dress.

'A wash is called for,' said Holmes. 'You are rather dirty.'

'Comes of fucking in a coal hole,' she said, looking at herself. 'A quick all-over sluice will do. There is a sink over there. If the young gentleman will wash the grime off his own hands, he can help me.'

I noticed that she was shivering a little.

'No chance of some warm water, I suppose,' she said.

'No time,' said Holmes. 'Cold it will have to be.'

I washed myself, drying my hands and face on another sheet.

'Now,' she said. 'Give me a good splashing.' She was standing, almost naked in the middle of the floor. 'Your hat,' I reminded her.

'Silly me,' she said and raised her arms to take it off. Then she lifted her hair up and posed in front of me. In spite of the urgency of the moment, I could not help but notice how enticing she looked even though she was streaked with coal dust. Mr. Pego reacted and stood hungrily up. She of course spotted what was happening at once.

'Another fuck?' she said, licking her lips in a most provoking manner.

'Not now!' said Holmes sternly.

Picking up a large dishcloth, I began to wipe her down. At the touch of the cold, damp rag, she gave out a little squeal. As her bare titties shook, my virile member thrust out once more. Holmes noticed.

'I can see that I will have to attend to the young lady's ablutions,' he said. 'Get her domestic's uniform ready.'

As Megan, still shivering but well aware of the effect she was having on me, twisted first one way and then the other while Holmes plied the cloth, I meanwhile tried to regain my critical faculties.

'I think your young gentleman could do with a splash of cold water, too,' said Megan.

'That is up to him,' said Holmes, gruffly. 'Now, that will do. Where's the dress?'

I stepped forward and slipped it down over her head, although not without a twinge of disappointment as its voluminous folds hid her thin body from sight. Holmes stepped back to inspect the effect.

'That won't do at all,' he said. 'Far too large. Fetch a smaller uniform.'

'There's only one in there,' I said.

'Damn!' he said. 'We simply can't send her up into the house like this. She looks more like an entrant in some village sack race. Anyone will notice in an instant.'

'What shall we do?' I asked.

'I shall think,' said Holmes, puffing once more on his pipe.

'If you please, Sir?' said Megan, 'I have an idea.'

'Don't interrupt,' I said. 'Mr. Holmes is thinking.'

'Don't be rude!' she said. She turned to Holmes. 'The young gentleman is the nearest in size. He can put the dress on.'

'Certainly not!' I said, 'I shall do no such thing.' I waited, confident that Holmes would come up with a more suitable scheme.

'That is not a bad idea,' said Holmes to my horror. 'He only has to escape the close attention of the rest of the household and make his way up to the drawing room. As long as Lady M-is alone, he should be able to creep quietly in and make himself known to her without causing her any great alarm.'

'But, but,' I stuttered, feeling that events were slipping beyond my control.

'Be quick,' said Holmes. 'Help him into the dress,' he said to Megan. 'But you'll have to get rid of his own clothing first.'

Megan wriggled out of the over-large garment and, naked once more, began to undress me. I surrendered to my fate. Once again Mr. Pego rose up so that she had some difficulty in pulling my trousers down over his aroused projection. Quickly she took my balls in one hand and gave a sharp squeeze. I squealed with the pain and as Mr. Pego drooped for a moment, she had me trouserless before her. I drew in a deep breath and as I tried to regain my composure, she dropped the dress down over my head, pulling the skirts right down and smoothing it into place.

'That's it,' she said with a mocking look. 'A much better fit. Now, turn round and I'll do up the back.'

I obeyed, still preoccupied with the ache in my balls. She busied herself with the fastenings and when all was to her satisfaction, stepped back to inspect her handiwork.

'He needs a cap,' she said. 'There must be one in the cupboard to go with the dress.'

A cap was found and placed on my head.

'What do you think, Sir?' she said to Holmes.

'He'll pass muster,' he said. 'Anyway we really have no other option. At least his shoes are hidden. Now,' he said to me, 'remember to take short steps and maintain a posture of deference. Take a turn about the room while I have a look at you.'

'Let me get into my own dress again,' Megan said, 'And we'll coach him.'

I tried to walk like a woman.

'Not very good,' said Holmes. 'You'll never make a detective if you cannot master the arts of disguise. Why I remember I once had to play the part of a nursemaid for several days while solving the Case of the Kidnapped Heiress. I flatter myself that I became remarkably adept at the changing and bathing of infants, although it is not an experience I would choose to repeat. At least you only have to pass as a maid for a short while.'

I struggled manfully to perfect my impersonation.

'That will have to do,' said Holmes impatiently. 'Just try to keep out of sight until you find Lady M — .'

'Off you go,' said Megan, patting me on the bottom. 'And try not to clump as you walk.'

And so I was sent out on my errand.

As I crept towards the servants stairs, I took stock of the situation. Somewhere in the house were the two maids. Since they had fled without their uniforms, which were still in the laundry along with Holmes and Megan, they would be immediately pre-occupied with finding some alternative clothing. Also possibly in the house was the well-dressed stranger, although if he were simply in the habit of calling at the house in order to fuck the maids he had doubtless slipped out again into the evening. If on the other hand he was indeed the blackmailer's emissary, he would have sought out Lady M- in order to deliver his message. On balance, this was the more likely situation since Holmes had clearly worked out that some member of the household was in league with the blackmailer and was supplying details of who was entertained in the absence abroad of Lord M-. It was therefore safer to assume that the well-dressed man was part of the plot. I had to keep out of his sight. I had no knowledge of how many other staff might be kept apart from the two who had been surprised by Holmes. One could assume at least a cook, possibly a housekeeper, a lady's maid and a manservant. I had to take care.