Melinda Duchamp - Fifty Shades of Alice in Wonderland

“Nonsense. A woman as beautiful as you, it would be a tragedy to cover you up. But the woods out there can be rough on bare skin. Just a moment.”

Alice waited, and thirty seconds later, Pilar appeared again, holding a cardboard box.

“You look to be a size seven,” he said.

A seven would be a bit tight on her, especially since her breasts still felt a bit swollen, but Alice would be thankful for any dress he gave her.

But when Pilar opened the box, it didn’t contain a dress. Or a skirt. Or pants.

It was a pair of black leather boots, with pointed heels and silver buckles at the thighs.

“Here you are,” he beamed.

Alice had never worn any such footwear. They looked to be made for strippers. Or prostitutes. But the trail was indeed rough on her bare feet, so she sat in the doorway and with great effort tugged them on.

“Magnificent,” Pilar said. “They make your legs and bottom look incredible.”

“Thank you. I-”

But he had already slammed the door.

So Alice forced her incredible-looking (but still rubbery) legs to carry her through the mushroom field, and peered up to see the sun glistening on their dew-kissed caps. She’d been in Pilar’s cottage for what seemed like an eternity, and although her balance was wobbly and the spot between her thighs deliciously sore, she didn’t feel the least bit tired.

She felt brilliant.

Alice walked in the direction Pilar had pointed, and soon she cleared the forest of mushrooms and came upon a ranch-style house with pink shutters. For a minute she stood looking at the house, wondering if whoever lived there could direct her to the path home, when suddenly a man wearing a police uniform with big lettering on his shirt stepped out of the forest and walked to the front stoop. There he set down the boom box he was carrying and simply stood, staring at the door.

“Aren’t you going to knock?” Alice said. She wasn’t sure what had made her feel so bold. Normally she wouldn’t talk to a strange man like this, even a police officer, and it wasn’t until he turned and looked at her that she remembered that except for the boots, she was still completely nude.

Alice drew one arm across her breasts, and covered the shaved spot with her hand.

He would probably give her a ticket.

Instead he looked at her, staring with an intensity that made Alice want to shrink away. It wasn’t a mean or hateful stare, or a crazy one.

No, this stare was… hungry.

“My, aren’t you a pretty thing,” he said, the tip of his tongue poking out his mouth and running across his perfect white teeth. “What is your name?”

“I’m Alice.”

“I’m Dick. Are you here for the party, Alice?” Dick’s eyes seemed to devour her.

“What party?”

“This is Wonderland. There’s always a party. The Queen is playing croquet, but that’s invitation only. The Hatter and the Hare are doing their tea thing, as usual. And I am here for the Duchess.”

“What kind of party is the Duchess having?” Dick’s stare was making Alice feel weird, and she wished desperately for something to cover herself up.

“This is a rainbow party.”

Alice frowned. “I don’t know what a rainbow party is.”

“It is a lot of fun. Do you like having fun, Alice?”

“Yes. But I really do need to get back home.”

“Well, I do hope you’ll stay. You’ve got the prettiest lips. And your legs and bottom look fabulous in those boots.”

“Thank you,” Alice said, blushing.

“But your tits…”

Alice began to slouch, the blush getting worse.

“They are magnificent. I would love to have mammary intercourse with you.”

“I don’t know what that is, either.”

“Perhaps, if you join us in the party, I can show you.”

He chuckled a little and smiled. It was a handsome smile, and Alice felt the throb between her legs return. She couldn’t help but wonder if Pilar’s treatment hadn’t done the trick, if she still had a bit of the potion still in her. Why else would she be so wanton?

“So why don’t you knock on the door?” she asked, covering up again.

“Because it is open already.” Dick turned the knob and they went inside.

The door led right into a large kitchen, which was full of smoke from one end to the other. Somone Alice assumed was the Duchess sat on a three-legged stool in the middle. A beautiful, buxom woman, she wore a dress with a plunging neckline, and every time she moved, she flashed a glimpse of nipple. Behind her, a large cauldron simmered on the fire, appearing to be full of soup. The rest of the kitchen was dark, cloaked in shadows, and in the corner, Alice saw something that looked like a white snake poking through the darkness.

As she stared, she realized there was a man standing behind the snake. The man had a round face with an enormous smile that seemed to cover half of it. He held a tablet computer in one hand, its screen glowing, and he grasped the snake in the other. Only the snake wasn’t a snake at all.

“Please would you tell me,” said Alice, a little timidly, for she was not quite sure whether it was good manners for her to speak first, “why that man is tugging on his privates?”

“His name is Cheshire,” said the Duchess. “And he likes to look at naked breasts, that’s why.” And as if to demonstrate, she twisted in her chair and her dress fell open to expose a huge bosom.

“Thank you, Duchess!” Cheshire called, his hand a blur.

The Duchess smiled, then she took a deep breath and bellowed, “Pig!”

At first Alice thought the woman was yelling at her, or at Cheshire, and then she realized she was looking at the policeman. Flustered at how rude the Duchess was and feeling uncomfortable about how fast the man in the corner was now tugging, Alice backed away and let Dick step past her. He hit a button on his boom box, and music started playing. Before Alice knew what was going on, the cop began gyrating to the beat and taking off his uniform.

The cheap shirt and plastic badge went first, revealing sculpted muscle. With one move, his pants were off as well, leaving him in the smallest pair of underwear Alice had ever seen.

“Are you a stripper?” Alice asked.

“Didn’t the shirt give it away?” Dick said.

Alice glanced at the shirt and noticed, for the first time, it had printing on it that read STRIPPER in large letters.

“My badge says, You have the right to remain naked.”

“I’m sorry, I didn’t know.”

“Duchess calls me pig because that is crude slang for police officers, which is how I dress as part of my act.”

“Doesn’t that offend you?”

“No. It turns me on. Aren’t you turned on by crude and vulgar words?”

“Well, I… I don’t know.”

“When I said your tits were magnificent, did that arouse you?”

Alice didn’t know how to answer. She was embarrassed by the question, and uncomfortable being gawked at by the man in the corner, pleasuring himself. “I… I…”

“You seem flustered.”

“I am flustered,” Alice said.

“Don’t you like strippers?”

Dick pressed his muscular body against Alice, bumping into her heaving breasts, his bulge brushing the tip of her femininity.

Alice kept staring, and she felt shame in doing so, even though she couldn’t turn away. Even worse, she wanted to put her hands on Dick’s chest, to run them over his six-pack abs, and most of all, take off his underwear and see what that bulge looked like underneath.

Terrible, obscene, shameless thoughts that made Alice’s mouth go dry.

“I need to go,” she said.

“Please stay,” Dick said. “I strip for the Duchess, and she gives me a rainbow. It would be wonderful if you helped her.”