Melinda Duchamp: Fifty Shades of Alice in Wonderland

Alice sat up, reaching for it, and the rabbit hopped again, off the blanket and onto the grass.

“That’s… impossible,” Alice said.

She rubbed her eyes, convinced this couldn’t actually be happening. It had to be a dream, like in some silly Victorian fantasy novel. Getting on all fours, Alice went after the rabbit, reaching out both hands to grab for it, and the vibrator took three big hops and disappeared into the woods.

Alice didn’t know how to react. She’d never experienced anything even remotely like this. Though admittedly her experience was limited, Alice didn’t believe that sex toys, even the expensive ones, came to life and ran off. But odd as it was, Alice had no choice but to go after it. She would never be able to explain to Lewis how she had lost his gift.

Alice ran into the woods, even though she had forgotten her shoes, and fortunately was just in time to see the toy pop down a large rabbit hole under a hedge.

“Oh dear, oh dear, this is crazy!” Alice dipped down onto her hands and knees and peered into the hole, but she didn’t see any sign of the device. It must have hopped further in. There was no helping it, she was going to have to climb in after. Alice started crawling.

The rabbit hole went straight on like a tunnel for some way, and then dipped suddenly down, so suddenly that Alice had not a moment to think about stopping before she found herself falling into a very deep well.

Alice fell and fell for what seemed like an eternity. Down and down and down. The air in the well smelled sweet and exotic, and the longer she plunged, the warmer and more relaxed she felt.

“Surely when I hit the bottom, I will not be so comfortable,” she said to herself. “In fact, I’m sure I will be horribly maimed.”

But Alice was wrong about that, just as she’d apparently been wrong about sex toys running off, and when she finally reached the bottom, she landed quite gently on a cushion of pink velvet in the middle of a small room.

Her first thought was to find the vibrator, and Alice spotted it even before she’d climbed off the cushion. It hopped past a small table and toward an even smaller door.

Alice scrambled to her feet and dashed after it, but it was through the door and hopping into what appeared to be a beautiful secret garden before Alice was able catch it. She tried to follow, but her shoulders were too wide, and only her head could fit through.

“There must be another way,” she exclaimed to herself. Losing Lewis’s gift wasn’t an option, and she didn’t have a hundred dollars to replace it. So she circled the room three times before finally noticing a blue bottle perched on the top of the table.

The blue glass sparkled, the bottle’s neck curving alluringly to an ornate cork at the mouth. Alice picked it up, stroking it with her fingers, and saw a label stamped on the cork.

DRINK ME

Anticipation shivered through her. It would be silly of her to bring it to her lips. She didn’t even know what liquid was inside. But still… what if she did?

The thought of tasting what the bottle had to offer teased at the back of her mind. Alice pushed it away, but even before she set the vessel back down, the temptation was back. What would it taste like? What would it do? Was it some kind of exotic liqueur? Would it make her tipsy? Downright drunk? Would it shrink her so she could fit through the small door? If so, wouldn’t that just be the stupidest thing ever?

Maybe this strange, underground world was messing with her common sense. Or maybe she was just easily manipulated and lacked self-control. Whatever the case, without another thought, Alice opened the cork and took a swallow.

The fluid was thick and silky, and it moved over her tongue and infused her taste buds first with sweetness, then salt, then a flavor she’d never quite tasted before. She took another drink, and another, until the bottle was empty.

Besides the wonderful flavors, nothing happened.

Until…

Alice’s body began to grow warm. Not hot or uncomfortable, but languid and relaxed. Her dress felt tight. The heat ran through her bloodstream like warm molasses and collected at a spot between her legs.

A button popped off her dress, the thread simply giving way. Then another followed, until the whole front split open down to her waist. She shifted uncomfortably, her breasts pillowing over the top of her bra, the cups no longer containing her.

Alice ran her hands over her belly, her sides, her back, but it was only her breasts that had grown too large. The rest seemed as normal as ever, except for the heat between her thighs.

She shrugged out of the dress and let it pool on the floor. With the buttons gone, it was nearly worthless, and the bra pinched her painfully as well. Finally, she grew so hot in her nether regions that she slipped off her panties, desperate to keep cool.

“Oh, dear!” she exclaimed. “What do I do now?” But Alice knew there was only one thing to do. She had to wait until the blue liquid’s heat wore off and her bosoms shrunk. Then she’d find a way home, whether she caught the rabbit vibrator or not.

Alice paced around the room, wishing for a window she could open to bring in some air, and then she felt it; a delicious, cooling breeze. She followed its source, light and refreshing on her skin, and to her surprise it led her to an open door she’d never noticed before. So cool, so nice, she stepped outside, just for a moment, but before her moment was up, the room had disappeared and she was in a garden much like the park where she and Lewis had their picnic.

Lewis.

She scampered along the edge of the woods, eager to get back to him. She had no idea how she would explain her nudity, nor her burgeoning breasts or her nipples, which were tight and protruding as if she was chilled. But she could wrap their picnic blanket around herself, and cover it all up. And eventually the heat and the throb of pressure building in her secret place would fade and everything would be back to the way it was.

At least she could hope.

But when she reached the spot where they’d enjoyed their lunch, she realized she’d gotten it all wrong. This wasn’t the park. She didn’t know this place at all. And in the distance she heard the scolding of birds and what might be harsh human voices, and she ducked into the shelter of a trail through the trees before anyone could see she wasn’t wearing a stitch of clothes on this bright summer’s day.

Feeling self-conscious and more than a little ashamed, Alice followed the trail into the forest, sticks and pebbles poking her tender, bare feet, twigs from the ominous, overhanging tree canopy pinching at her hair like thin fingers. Soon the sun was just an occasional flicker through the branches, and a cool ground wind blew firmly across Alice’s naked body, stiffening her nipples. Quickening her pace, and getting more and more anxious as the woods darkened, Alice glanced down until she could no longer make out the trail. She turned, trying to backtrack, but couldn’t find the path she had taken to get there. However, through a break in the tree line, Alice saw the most interesting sight. A field of mushrooms.

But these were unlike any mushrooms she’d ever seen. Dark and enormous, almost up to her shoulders, with thick, fat stems and bulbous heads so big she couldn’t wrap her arms around them. The sight of the shrooms both repulsed Alice and drew her toward them, her feet heading into the field on their own volition. Soon she was surrounded by dozens, hundreds, a whole forest of mushrooms, so close together that Alice rubbed against them as she passed. The caps were soft, almost velvety, but firm and unyielding. They reminded Alice of something, but for the life of her, she couldn’t remember what.