Jacky S - Suburban Souls, Book I

But I am longing to see your darling face.

Come as early as you can, and try to stay as late as possible if you wish to please your slave and make her very happy.

I should like to bite you,

LILIAN.

July 2, 1898.

This day was a long and happy one. The best part of the time I managed to be alone with my Lily. And she was mine then, if ever a woman was. She was quite changed, and I felt she was now entirely under my influence. She was sweet, tender, and confiding. As before, she asked me to help her to lay the table for déjeuner and although Mamma kept coming in and out of the dining-room, we managed to exchange many a sly caress. Lilian had pleasant touches of amiability peculiarly her own. One spontaneous approach of hers I shall never forget, as she never repeated it, and it happens that I do not remember any other woman having done the same thing to me. I was seated on a little sofa at the end of the room and she was busy at the table. I was supposed to assist her, but I never did anything but kiss her. She dropped the plate she held, and, coming to me without a word, bent her head and placed her cheek against mine. I did not speak, neither did she. And there she remained for a moment. That is all.

I treated her with kindness, but I exacted obedience, and told her curtly to kiss me and touch me as my wayward fancy dictated, and being forced to be obedient to me pleased her greatly. She told me that she knew she had not a good temper, could not brook authority, and that neither her mother nor her father could get her to do what did not please her. And yet to me she willingly gave way.

What she wanted me to explain to her, according to her letter, was the entrancing mystery of manly erection. I told her briefly, and she said she thought that males were always stiff and hard. I asked her if she had never looked at her dogs. She replied that she did not like to, that she had never dared.

Papa had told me that Lilian hated reading books. He had tried to educate her mind a little by giving her a few healthy English novels to read. French romances, he would not have in his house. I thought of Les Demi-Vierges, but kept silent. I never spoke of the girl to him, never even mentioning her name; but we hardly ever conversed without he talked of her. I asked her if she cared for books and she confessed she adored reading. So I had brought with me The Yellow Room, which I gave her, and she ran and hid it away.

This story is thoroughly obscene and relates to flagellation and torture practiced erotically on two young girls by the uncle of one of them.

During the day, in her impatience, she managed to slip away and peep into it, and in the evening told me that she thought she would like to read how the heroine suffered. I put her on her guard against the exaggerated cruelty therein described. I tried to make her understand the pleasure of subjecting a loved woman to one's most salacious desires, and that submission had its joys. I laid stress again on the enjoyment I should have in degrading and humiliating her when we were alone together, and she freely said that the efforts she would have to make, to curb her own disobedient nature for the sake of my despotic pleasure, would exercise a most extraordinary emotional effect on her sensuality.

I cannot tell how we kissed and fondled each other. I taught her to lick my face, neck, and ears, and I frequently made her feel my stiffened spear outside my trousers.

I would make her put her hand on it and note its softness. Then I joined her mouth to mine, and taking her fingers, placed them once more on the now hardened standard. This lesson of turgescent virility greatly delighted her.

I now come to the principal novel experience of the day. The last time I was at Sonis, I told her that when I came to visit at her house, I ordered her to tie a string or ribbon to the hair of her “pussy,” and let the end peep out of her frock. The color was to be assorted to the hue of the dress-fabric, so that I could pull at it now and then, unsuspected by anyone. By the slight smart the tug would give, I could thus feel that I was in intimate communication with the most secret part of her body, and could test her devotion to me by being able to inflict pain upon her whenever I chose.

She would prove her love by supporting this teasing inconvenience and therefore show that she loved me greatly by such humble submission to all my most weird and voluptuous caprices. She tried to laugh at the idea, but I could see she listened attentively and liked the originality of my strange whim. She found extraordinary delight in being the slave of a “very dirty Papa,” as she called me, and when I mentioned the word “incest,” as I did frequently, her eyes closed, her nostrils quivered, and her mouth literally watered, the moisture of her saliva bedewing her sensual and expressive lips.

Just before lunch, I said:

“You pretend you will obey me and yet you have not done what I told you on my last visit.”

She knew at once what I meant, gave me an arch look and said she would obey.

In the course of the afternoon, Mamma went up to Paris to fetch another new servant. Papa asked me to go out with him and give the dogs an airing, but I objected, complaining of pains in my ankles. It is true they did hurt me, but not as much as I made out. He begged me to remain on a bench in the garden, and called his daughter from the kiosque, where she was at work with her assistants, to keep me company, while he went out alone, and there was no one in the house, but Lilian, her workgirls, and me. Lilian showed me the end of a piece of tape which peeped out of the pocket-hole of her dress behind, she having fastened it to the hair on the left side of her mount, and brought it round her hip through the slit of her petticoat. She sat by my side and I pulled it frequently. She would wince, tell me I hurt her, and kiss me furtively, as she kept a sharp lookout so that the girls should not see her. I told her that I did not believe she had really fastened it where I wanted, and, putting my hand in this opening, I got it round to where it was tied, verifying her statement, and tickling the top of her furrow a little. I told her she had placed it badly, and another time it must come out over the top of her belt or waistband. She told me that could be done.

I informed her that my doctor was sending me away to Lamalou, to go through a treatment lasting twenty-one days, to get out of my system the remaining vestiges of the malady that still made me suffer. I could hardly walk or close my hands, but the protracted illness had not dulled my masculine energies.

She arranged to meet me on the fifth of August, at two p.m., and as usual, I told her what I intended to do to her. I should have a small riding whip with me, and no doubt after she had received a few cuts with it, to avoid further punishment, she would be very docile, and not struggle against me, and thus in time I should succeed in breaking down the barriers of her shame, which I allowed without hesitation was excusable and natural.

I informed her that I meant to kiss every part of her frame, which she would have to lewdly expose to my bold gaze, and I would even thrust my tongue between the cheeks of her bottom and command her to do the same to me.

“Yes, darling! And what else-tell me?”

I taught her to take my fingers in her mouth and lick than, and suck them, and then I did the same to her.

“Gaston used to kiss my hands,” she said.

“But did he not kiss your lips?”

“Never!” she retorted, unblushingly. “You are the first man who has put his mouth on mine.”

She forgot she had told me that “Baby” was the man who had taught her pigeon kisses.

After this, we were not alone together, until she went off just before dinner to gather some herbs for the salad. I went strolling behind her and saw the fatal cord trailing round her feet. It had fallen from her hip to the ground. I told her of it in a whisper, as Pa and Ma were not far off, seated at table, for we dined in the open air. She got confused, and, turning awkwardly round, trod on it herself and the sudden jerk made her jump with pain.