Jacky S - Suburban Souls, Book II

He went to catch his train to the eastern frontier, and I returned home in a state of wild delight, quite under the spell, and thoroughly convinced that Lilian loved me and was duping her satyr Papa for and with me, or else he allowed her to have me as a lover. I did not take much trouble to fathom the arrangement exactly, as I was quite content to let things be as they were and trust to Lilian.

Friday, February 17, 1899.

Laden, as usual, with quinine wine, perfumery, books, and papers for Papa, and a volume of Justine for Lilian, I was again punctual at the train, but I anticipated a good scolding from the young lady, with whom I was over head and heels in love, having quite forgotten all her past whimsical treachery and deceit in favor of the lascivious sweetness of her present attitude towards me, as she seemed to allow me to become a sharer in the secret of the passion of her stepfather; and it appeared as if I should at some near period be admitted to their sports, a consummation I am abandoned enough to confess I prayed for with all my heart.

I had shown the pretty Pip to a veterinary surgeon, who was a good friend of mine and my mistress, and he, after extolling its beauty, declared it was afflicted with a shortness of breath, which would render its bringing-up very difficult, if not impossible. My poor Lilian, who was passing through a most trying recrudescence of her old rheumatic symptoms, resolved to forgo the pleasure of keeping the little animal, especially as we had three dogs already, my particular Smike and two others; and only dog-fanciers know the trouble it takes to bring up a dog from puppyhood, Pip being, as it will be remembered, only six weeks old. So my devoted invalid covered him up in one of the little woolen shawls she knitted herself, and cried over him as she put him in my arms.

Upon the servant opening the gate of the Villa Lilian, I dropped Pip on to his paws, and he was right glad to scamper to his mother, who was disporting herself in the garden with the four other puppies of the litter, his brothers and sisters.

I went to Papa's study and gave him a parcel of books, including the four volumes of The Romance of Lust.

I had also brought down for him the copy of the first obscene work I had ever lent his daughter:- The Yellow Room — and to give it to him, I moved towards the window, under which stood a little table. I called to him to come and see this book, which I made as if I had forgotten. As I had shown him each of the others, he had made some remark on each, facetious or otherwise, and as he came towards the light, I put the book on the table and stepped back a pace or two, so that I had a good view of his face in the full noonday sun, and he could not see me. He took up the little volume, and, bending down, slowly opened its pages, holding it close to his eyes, as shortsighted people do. All expression left his face, he knit his brows, opened his mouth, and did not speak for a second or two, as, visibly embarrassed, he slowly turned over the pages.

Then he closed it without a word, and asked me to come out for a stroll, while the lunch was being prepared. I followed him, highly delighted at the success of my ruse, as I was now perfectly convinced that Lilian and he had read my bawdy books together. I may say at once that he afterwards returned me the volume without saying a word in favor of the work, or against it.

I noted that Lilian never took me to help her to lay the cloth any more, but she asked me to accompany her in longish walks on all kinds of pretexts, such as doing commissions in the village, taking out the dogs, going to the post-office, etc., and Mamma beamed on us both. She had got the habit of retiring to rest immediately after dinner, leaving Lilian with her Papa, and they were supposed to retire about midnight. Papa never got up before nine or ten o'clock, and Lilian brought him his breakfast in bed. She was not in good health and took drops of nux vomica before meals to give her an appetite. She looked far from well, in spite of her coquettish toilettes and rose lip-salve and face-powder, without counting her grain de beauté, which I could see was carefully renewed.

At the midday meal, she was in a towering rage with me for having brought back Pip, and her face was perfectly hideous, all dark and scowling, with blue lips, as was her wont when out of temper. I gave my motives, and said that I had braved her anger sooner than sell the pup, which I could easily have done, or given it away and told some lie to her. She refused to listen to my reasons, and it was only when her mother took my part, and told her not to be rude to me, that she gave way and came back to her usual manner.

The advertisement for the sale of the dogs had appeared the day before for the first time, and they were delighted at my effort to put a few pounds in Lilian's pocket. So much so, that she and her mother had ordered an ice-pudding for lunch for my special benefit.

All went merrily as a marriage bell, and Lilian, alone with me, asked for news of the gentleman I had promised to seduce for her. I told her frankly that I had proposed to my brother to join me in a miniature orgy, saying that I would introduce him to a little brunette, but, of course, without telling him her name at present. After accepting in a half-hearted way, he had cried off when I asked him to tell me the day he would be ready, and I apologized to her for raising false hopes. It was not my fault if my brother was inclined to be a little sentimental and averse to sleeping with a woman who had been with me. Lilian heaved a sigh of regret. The idea of being in the arms of a brother of mine had excited her greatly. I spoke of her plan to get to London in my company, but she did not seem to think there was anything out of the way in coming to England alone with me. It could be done by her making out that the employers of Charlotte would be supposed to send her to London on business, paying her expenses and giving four pounds a week during her stay. There was no occasion to write any forged letters, or do anything except send her a first-class return ticket. Her parents would believe her, whatever she might say. Now was the time to go, as she could say she was wanted for the fashions of the coming summer. I added that on the morning of her departure I could be at the Northern railway station, as if I were going to London alone, and, affecting surprise, offer to chaperon her as far as Charing Cross. Lilian could not guess that this was a little trap of mine to see if her Pa and Ma knew of our intrigue, and she agreed that my plan was perfectly feasible, always providing she came home after a fortnight or so with a ten-pound note of her own at least. I told her I would see about it and perhaps in a few days I might be able to afford it. But inwardly I am forced to declare that I could only think of a certain poor ailing woman in Paris, and there were old bills owing to doctors, a long score at a chemist's, and other little odds and ends.

Lilian was very excited at the thought of being alone with me for a week or so, and I told her that she would have to be my slave, and we both got ourselves into an awful state of lust by imagining what we would do together. I remember she took such a fancy to a couple of very nasty fancies of mine that she made me repeat them.

At the word of command every morning, she was to rise and, stripping naked, seat herself on a toilet pail, after having prepared a tooth-tumbler with tepid water and dentifrice. I would then rise and clean my teeth, expectorating on her body, she allowing me to rinse out my mouth and empty my throat all over her, so that the liquid would fall upon her and tickle down her breasts and belly, dripping into the receptacle. Then she would become the living chamber utensil of her beloved master-“a thing you often said you would do and never did”-she added regretfully, and I saw that she really enjoyed these filthy projects. She would then have to soap me in my bath and assist at my toilet, and when completed, Lilian having put on my boots, etc., I would go out and leave her to get dressed herself.