Li Yu - The Carnal Prayer Mat

Before long he was back, a broad grin on his face. "Congratulations! You're in luck! Provided you have the right destiny, you can pull it off tonight."

"But we've never even met," said Vesperus. "How can you be so sure about tonight?"

"I've just heard from the neighbors that her husband is off on a buying trip and won't be back for over ten days. You'll burst in with me and start making advances to her. If she shows any liking for you, I'll find a way to get you in there tonight. You'll be able to count on ten days of pleasure with her."

"I shall owe everything to you."

When they reached the shop, the woman was sitting inside, spinning silk. The Knave pushed the bamboo curtain aside and he and Vesperus burst in.

"Is Master Quan at home?"

"No, he's away buying silk," she replied.

"I was thinking of buying a few pounds. Since he isn't here, what shall I do?"

"You could always go somewhere else for it."

Vesperus intervened. "We could get it anywhere, of course, but we've been customers of yours for a long time and would prefer not to patronize someone else. Moreover, other people's silk may not be of the highest quality. We feel more confident buying from you."

"If you're customers of ours, how is it I don't know you?"

"Where's your memory, ma'am?" put in the Knave. "I was in here last summer buying silk. Your husband was away then, too, and you served me yourself. You got a roll down from on top and sold it to me. Surely you haven't forgotten?"

"No, I do remember that."

"Since you remember," said Vesperus, "you must know we haven't come here to haggle. If you have some silk, bring it out and sell it to us. Why drive business away to your competitors?"

"I do have a few pounds," she said, "but I don't know if they'll meet your requirements."

"How could your silk not meet our requirements? It is more likely too good. I'm afraid a poor student like me may not be able to afford it."

"You're too kind. Well, won't you take a seat while I get it out?"

The Knave made Vesperus take the upper seat, which was closer, so that he could flirt with her more easily.

The woman brought out a roll of silk and handed it to Vesperus. As she did so, she remained impassive and did not look closely at him.

Before he even took the silk, Vesperus said, "This is too yellow. I'm afraid it won't do." Then, after taking it and inspecting it, he said to the Knave, "That's funny! In madam's hands it looked a yellowy brown, but in mine it's white again. How do you account for that?" He pretended to ponder the answer, then went on: "I know! Madam's hands are too white, and so they make the silk look yellow by comparison. My hands are dark, and so they make it look white."

When she heard this remark, her eyes fastened on Vesperus's hands and examined them. "Your honorable hands can hardly be called dark," she said at last. Despite this, she retained her serious expression, with no trace of a smile.

"His hands may not be dark as compared with mine," said the Knave, "but compared with madam's they're certainly not white."

"If you think the silk is white, why don't you buy it?" she asked.

"But it's white only in comparison with my unworthy hands," said Vesperus. "Obviously it's not really white. Only silk the color of madam's honorable hands will do. Please bring some out and show it to us."

"Where in the world are you going to find silk as white as that?" asked the Knave. "If we could only get some the color of your complexion, it would be all right."

At this remark the woman's eyes fastened on Vesperus's face and examined it. This time her face lit up with pleasure. "I'm afraid there's no silk in the world as white as that," she said with a smile.

Gentle reader, why do you suppose she smiled now but not before? Why do you think she looked closely at him now but not before? The truth is she was nearsighted and could see nobody more than a few feet away. When Vesperus entered the shop, she thought he was just another customer. Then, when she heard him describe himself as a poor student, she realized he was a licentiate, but still thought him ordinary and did not scrutinize him. Because she had to strain her eyes in order to see people, she never looked closely at a man on meeting him.

In general, among nearsighted women the pretty ones outnumber the ugly and the intelligent the stupid. But there is one thing to remember about them all: Their desire for sex is fully equal to that of those men with lustful eyes. Both types throw themselves wholeheartedly into sex without any respite. There is an old saying that goes:

A nearsighted wife

Won't be idle in bed.

Suppose an oversexed woman were able to see people at a distance. If she saw a handsome man, her desires might well be aroused and her lifelong chastity lost. That is why the Creator, in endowing her with human form, had the brilliant idea of giving her these eyes, to prevent her from seeing anyone-not even a Pan An or a Song Yu-except her husband, thus avoiding a great deal of retribution. Historically the vast majority of nearsighted women have preserved their chastity while only a small minority have gone astray.

Because her eyes kept her out of trouble, she'd never have known if a man was standing before her all day making eyes at her. He might just as well have been wrapped in a blanket of fog. But now that she had seen Vesperus's hands and face, she was dazzled, captivated.

She turned to him. "Well, sir, do you really want to buy some? If you do, I have a roll of excellent quality that I'll be glad to bring out and show you."

"That's what we came for," said Vesperus. "Of course we want to buy some. Please show me what you've got."

She went into the shop and returned with a roll of silk, at the same time telling her maid, a scabby-headed young girl, to serve tea to the Knave and Vesperus.

Vesperus did not finish his tea, but left half a cup in tribute to his hostess, a gesture that she acknowledged with a smile before handing him the silk. As he received it, he took the chance to squeeze her hand, and she, although affecting not to notice, responded by scratching his hand with a fingernail.

"This is an excellent roll," said the Knave. "Let's take it and be on our way."

He gave the purse to Vesperus, who weighed out the amount she asked for and handed it over.

"Please note that it's in full ingots," he said.

"If it's in full ingots," she replied, "I'm afraid it may look good on the outside but be worthless inside."

"If you're worried about it, ma'am, why not keep both the silk and the silver here and this evening I'll come back and break open one of the ingots and try it out for you? I'm not exaggerating when I say that our silver is as good as we are, the same on the inside as on the outside."

"That won't be necessary," she said. "If it's all right, we can do business again. Otherwise you'll be a one-time customer."

Picking up the silk, the Knave urged Vesperus out of the shop. As he left, Vesperus cast several lingering glances behind. Although she couldn't see, she understood and narrowed her eyes to two slits in an expression that was neither happy nor sad.

Back at his lodgings, Vesperus conferred with the Knave. "I feel I have an excellent chance there. But what means of entry shall we use? We can't afford to take any risks."

"I've made careful inquiries," said the Knave, "and there's no one else in the house except that maid we saw just now. She's only ten or eleven. She'll be asleep as soon as she falls into bed and won't hear a sound the rest of the night. The house is obvious enough-no upstairs, no cellar. It won't hold me up in the least. If we go through the wall, someone will spot us and you won't be able to pay her a second visit. I'll just have to carry you up to the roof on my back, remove a few tiles, pull out a rafter, and let you descend from on high."