Рейчел Уэллс - A Cat Called Alfie

‘Salmon, it’s time you got lost. You and your nosey family. The Snells have nothing to hide and you might as well give up now.’

‘What, because you tell us to?’ He laughed nastily.

‘No, because you’re all making huge fools of yourselves. You’re going to be the laughing stock of the street soon.’ I sounded braver than I felt.

‘You already are,’ Tiger piped up from behind, reinforcing my confidence.

‘Yes that petition didn’t work, and we cats are thinking of getting a petition going against you,’ Tom joked. He actually did have quite a good sense of humour now he was with Tiger.

‘Cats can’t write,’ Salmon shot back.

‘We’ll use mouse blood to write it all over your yard,’ Tom replied, but he didn’t sound serious. I don’t think he did anyway.

‘You wouldn’t dare?’ Salmon looked afraid for the first ever time.

‘Try us,’ I challenged.

Salmon turned and ran back across the road.

‘My hero,’ Tiger said. ‘Impressive.’

‘You’re my hero too,’ Snowball whispered to me.

Claire was disappointed. I think she believed that after the note they’d sent, Karen would be round, thanking them and perhaps inviting them for a cup of tea at the very least. She ranted a bit to Jonathan that the note Karen had sent back, which Claire referred to as a ‘perfunctory’ thank you, was far from satisfactory. So it was lucky that I had my plan. They needed a helping paw and luckily I was here to provide one.

I always thought that happiness was infectious. You know, contagious. I looked at all my families up and down the street, and even further afield, and realized how happy everyone was. Even us cats had nothing to worry about. We were all elated and I knew, if we could reach them then the Snells would catch it from us. We would literally infect them with happiness.

I breakfasted in Claire and Jonathan’s happy house. Claire had let Jonathan give me tinned or fresh fish for days now, so I was pretty lucky. Something told me that when the baby came along they would be a bit distracted and I might not get the same attention, but if they were I had back-up. I refused to have any of my joy stamped on. Not even by Salmon who had taken to staring with hostile eyes at all us cats, although from a safe distance. He really was a coward after all.

He was extra-annoyed because Polly seemed to blame him for digging up her flowers. After my grand gesture, I’d forgotten about the slightly destroyed flower bed but Salmon had been caught lurking by her front garden, so when she jumped to that conclusion it suited me just fine.

‘Alfie, you are probably only going to be gone for a few hours; you’re acting as if this is your big farewell,’ Tiger said, as I went to see her before implementing my plan.

‘I am not. And anyway, if something goes wrong, then you’ll wish you had treated me a bit more fondly.’

‘Alfie, you’re such a drama cat. You yourself said that there was no danger attached to this plan.’

‘I know, but I would like everyone to appreciate what I am going to do.’

‘But we don’t know what it is!’ I could see Tiger was exasperated, so I decided to confide in her and, for once, she actually listened carefully.

‘Alfie, you are mad, after last time,’ Tiger said. She didn’t look every impressed.

‘That’s why it’s so perfect, I’ve got experience in it now. But don’t tell anyone,’ I said. ‘It’s supposed to be a secret.’ Tiger raised her whiskers, shook her head and smiled.

‘You will never change. Be careful, Alfie, and hopefully you’ll get what you want.’

It was afternoon before I headed into Snowball’s house. I told her I would be there and she was in the kitchen waiting for me. She still had no idea what I was planning, so I thought I’d better tell her.

‘Right, I’m going up the tree again,’ I said.

‘Why?’ Snowball asked.

‘Because then your family will go and get my family, they’ll bond over the need to rescue me.’ I was pretty confident with this plan. I had thought it out. My grand gesture hadn’t worked exactly as I planned, but it had given me an idea. I was going to climb the tree again, pretend to be stuck (as this time I would ensure my legs didn’t seize up), and then Snowball would go and get help from our families. I could just picture the scene: that as they all talked about rescuing me, the Snells would realize what a good thing it was to have friends on the street, and whilst they were distracted I’d just climb down again. Of course, they’d all be so happy that I was safe that everyone would be friends. It was foolproof.

‘What if Christopher just gets the ladder again?’ Snowball asked.

‘I thought of that. I’ll go even higher so the grown-ups will have to get involved.’ I remembered that the ladder only reached the branch I was on which wasn’t that high, this time I would climb further.

‘And you think that will work?’

‘Yes, of course. Don’t you?’

‘What about your legs?’

‘You worry too much. Right, wish me luck. And trust me, this will bond them, somehow, it really will.’

‘Good luck. And, Alfie, either you’re mad or a genius; I just hope it’s the latter.’

Snowball followed me to the garden. I looked at the tree, feeling confident. I’d done it before I could it again and this time I was unencumbered by flowers so it would be easier. With confidence I started to climb. I began to enjoy myself. It was early evening and still pleasant; the sun was fairly warm, the sky blue. I saw some birds overhead and listened to them singing as I made my way, branch by branch into the tree.

I easily passed the place where I’d been when Christopher had rescued me and continued further on up. I could feel the wind in my fur as I carried on, brimming with determination with each branch I passed.

After a long, arduous climb I suddenly realized how tired I was, so I stopped to see if I was high enough. I got myself in position on the branch and looked down. ‘Oh my goodness,’ I thought, ‘what has happened?’ Snowball had shrunk — she was tiny! I looked again and saw just how high I was. I felt dizzy as the ground seemed to spin beneath me and I clung onto the branch for dear life. I cried out, but not as part of the plan; it was a cry of genuine terror as fear rushed through my fur. I had never been this high in my life and I was terrified. I thought about getting down, aborting the plan, but I couldn’t move. It was as if I was literally paralysed by fear.

I couldn’t see her face but I could see Snowball heading inside, yelling loudly. Thankfully she soon came out with Karen and Tim. Christopher and Daisy followed them and they all looked up at me. Unfortunately, I couldn’t hear what they were saying; the wind seemed to take their words away and I was truly stuck in every sense of the word as they all stood below, looking up at me.

There was activity on the ground, as Daisy ran out back round the side of the house and disappeared. Making sure my back legs were securely on the branch, I put my paws over my eyes to see if that stopped me feeling sick, but then I couldn’t bear not being able to see. I cemented myself to the branch wondering if I would have to stay here forever; would this be my new home?

After what felt like hours, Polly and Matt appeared in the garden. I fleetingly wondered where Claire and Jonathan were as I saw them all staring up at me, shaking their heads. Matt came to the bottom of the tree and shouted something up, but all I could hear was my name. I miaowed as loudly as I could but I couldn’t be sure he heard me. I wanted to cry. This was not the amazingly straightforward plan I’d thought it was going to be.