Рейчел Уэллс - A Cat Called Alfie

I wasn’t the most practised climber but I was a very determined cat so I set off. Climbing with flowers in my mouth was actually harder than walking with them, but I clenched my teeth and got on with it. I didn’t look down until I reached the second branch. It wasn’t too high but definitely high enough, I decided, as I settled down to wait for Snowball.

It was actually really pleasant up there, I decided, as I surveyed my view. I couldn’t see into the upstairs of the house because all the curtains were closed but I watched some birds, who seemed to be aiming for me but swerved at the last minute and darted off. My jaw started to ache from clenching onto the flowers but if I let go now, they would be lost. As time wore on, I wanted to move but couldn’t, and as it grew colder and colder it eventually started to rain.

It had been sunny when I set out, but the sky darkened, the heavens opened and a rain shower ensued. As I felt my fur begin to droop I was beginning to think that this grand gesture wasn’t actually such a good idea. Then Snowball appeared from her cat flap.

‘What on earth are you doing?’ she asked, but she was smiling, or actually laughing at the sight of me, drenched to the skin and now clinging to the branch with cold.

Still, I might be soaking wet but now it was time for me to go down and present the flowers as planned. And ta da!

I then met the next flaw in my plan as I realized that my back legs had seized up. My old injury had returned, just as it often did when it rained. I really hadn’t thought this through. I had spent too long in one position, and I needed to start wiggling them. The only problem was I was in a tree. With flowers in my mouth. What was a cat to do?

‘Alfie, are you OK?’ Snowball said, beginning to look concerned. I had no choice, I opened my mouth and the flowers fluttered to the ground. One of them landed on Snowball’s head. So I guess she got the idea at least. She didn’t look as pleased as I’d hoped though, as she shook the flowers off which were dripping wet too.

‘Sorry, but they were for you.’

‘Alfie, what on earth are you doing?’

‘Well, I had this idea that I’d get you flowers, which by the way isn’t as easy as it looks for a cat. And then I was going to sit up here and wait for you and then jump down and present you with them.’

‘Why on earth would you do that?’

‘It works for humans.’ I was in pain and beginning to feel a bit grumpy.

‘But now?’ Snowball asked.

‘Well I have this problem with my back legs sometimes, so it seems I might be a bit stuck.’

‘Stuck?’

‘Yes, as in I can’t move.’

I tried to wriggle again but my back legs were still too stiff to be much use.

‘Oh, Alfie, what can I do?’ At least she had softened towards me, although she hadn’t picked up the flowers. Or said thank you come to think of it.

There is this urban myth that cats are always being rescued by firemen. It does happen for the less intellectual of our kind, but not as much as people would have you think as it’s the ultimate humiliation for a cat.

‘Would you mind finding my friend Tiger?’ I asked, at a loss. I wasn’t sure what she could do but she understood my physical limitations and might be able to help.

‘OK, I guess I can try. Although this rain doesn’t suit me.’

I told Snowball where she might find her and she reluctantly trotted off. I tried to stretch out but my legs just weren’t having it. I was cold, wet and unable to move, my grand gesture slowly becoming one of my worst ideas ever.

It seemed forever before I saw Tiger following Snowball into the back yard. She took one look at me and laughed.

‘Thanks,’ I said. The rain had stopped as suddenly as it had started, so that was something.

‘What on earth are you doing?’

‘I’m stuck. That’s all you need to know, my back legs have seized up.’ I saw Tiger look at me, then at Snowball and finally at the sad-looking flowers.

‘Oh, Alfie, I’ll come up. You never were very good at climbing trees.’ Tiger quickly climbed the tree and joined me whilst Snowball sat on the ground looking at us.

‘You can’t move at all?’ Tiger asked, sounding concerned finally.

‘My legs have gone all stiff. I’ve tried to wriggle but I don’t think I can. Tiger, promise me that whatever you do you won’t let them call the fire brigade.’

‘What if it means you have to stay up here forever?’

‘Tiger, you were supposed to help.’

‘I know but what can I do? I don’t think I can carry you down, you might have to jump.’

‘But it’s too far and if I land on my back legs it’ll be worse.’

‘Alfie, why do you insist on doing all these stupid things?’

‘Tiger, you’re not helping.’

‘Do you guys maybe want to stop arguing and tell me what I can do?’ Snowball asked but for once we were both lost for words; and ideas.

The patio doors suddenly opened and Christopher walked out. He looked at Snowball, then up at the tree. Tiger looked at me.

‘He’ll save you,’ she whispered.

‘You get down and then he’ll know I’m stuck,’ I suggested. Tiger, showing an agility I could only envy, quickly climbed down from the tree. She joined Snowball.

‘So you’ve got friends, then, Snowball? More than I have,’ Christopher said, looking and sounding glum. ‘Is that Alfie up there?’ he asked.

Snowball miaowed.

‘Is he stuck?’

She miaowed again. Christopher smiled.

‘Don’t worry, mate, I’ll get you.’ He tried to climb up but I was a bit too high for him.

‘Damn it, I can’t get up there,’ he said to himself and I felt a little more petrified. He went to the shed and took something out. When I looked I almost cried with relief, it was a ladder.

‘All rescued, Alfie,’ Christopher said a little while later, looking pleased with himself as he placed me gently on the wet ground. I purred and nuzzled into his legs with gratitude. He put the ladder back in the shed. I stretched and my legs started to regain some movement.

‘I can’t wait to tell everyone,’ he said, and I saw a glimpse of the boy underneath the surly teenager.

‘What was that all about?’ Snowball asked when he’d gone, narrowing her eyes at me.

‘It was my way of cheering you up. Flowers and me up a tree. My grand gesture,’ I explained. When I said it out loud it didn’t make as much sense as it had in my head.

Tiger looked at Snowball and smiled.

‘It didn’t quite go to plan,’ Tiger teased.

‘No, not exactly,’ I replied.

‘But it was a nice thought. Right, come on, Alfie, let’s get you home,’ Tiger said. She was right, I was loath to leave Snowball but I needed to go dry off and rest my legs somewhere warm and comfortable.

‘OK. Sorry about the …’ I started to say to Snowball but she gave me an affectionate flick of her tail.

‘’S all right,’ she replied, neck pulled in coyly. I felt a prickle in my whiskers. I reluctantly started walking away.

‘You know what?’ Tiger said to Snowball. ‘Alfie might be a bit of an idiot at times, with all these harebrained schemes, but you know you could do a lot worse.’

Snowball smiled, actually smiled, in response.

I grinned to myself as I limped home.

My leg stiffness had eased and I was mobile again by the next morning. I resolved to take it easy for a day or two, to give myself thinking time. I was feeling reflective, the way I always did when my legs ached and I was reminded of the things that had happened in my past. I would think about events, cats and people in my life, past and present.

I felt lucky; my world was full of colour at the moment and my families were all thriving. Claire’s ‘jigsaw’ was complete, along with Jonathan’s, and I had rarely seen two happier people. This baby, when it was born, would be the most wanted and most doted on baby, and as long as they didn’t forget me I was all for it. After all, it wouldn’t be like having a new friend, it would be like having a new sibling for me, a human sibling. I would have to work very hard taking care of it as I would be the older brother from now on. The way Aleksy would always look out for little Tomasz, or Henry for Martha.