David Dow - The Autobiography of an Execution

Katya and I had invited three couples over for dinner later that week. Two of my clients had been executed in the past ten days. She asked if I wanted to cancel. I said no. Cooking relaxes me. I pan-roasted a loin of venison with lots of thyme and garlic, and I deep-fried cauliflower dipped in beer batter. Over cocktails we were talking about the JonBenet Ramsay murder. Like everyone else, I suspected the mother. Our friend Sharon disagreed. She believed the intruder theory. She and her husband Tom are oncologists. We compared the futility of our work. Sharon said, My goal is to save my patients’ lives. Barring that, my goal is to extend their lives as long as I can. If I can’t do that either, at least I can struggle with them for as long as they have.

I said, Exactly. Me too.

Except my clients killed somebody. She asked me why I keep doing it. I paused to consider the answer. Katya said, Because he’s wracked with guilt when he even contemplates stopping, and he thinks doing anything else would be unfulfilling and self-indulgent. She took a sip of wine and looked at me. I rested my hand on her thigh. She said, Right?

Your characteristics can explain your actions, but if there’s a persuasive explanation for the source of your characteristics, I’ve never heard it. I once fired a lawyer who left the office every day at five. He told me he was guarding against burnout. I understand people who say they need to take care of themselves. What I don’t understand is why they say it. The day I fired him, I stayed up all night working on a clemency petition for a death-row inmate I didn’t represent.

When my clients ask me what I intend to do next, I don’t tell them that I’ll have to wait until tomorrow to figure it out, because tonight I have plans. Tonight I’m picking up a pizza and going home to play Scrabble and watch SpongeBob with my wife and son. When you’re careening toward death, you don’t want the only person who can pull the brake to look at his watch and decide it’s time for lunch.

Here’s what Sharon’s and Tom’s patients have in common with my clients: no one wants her life to depend on a stranger who might have something else, or something better, to do. I understand my clients, and I understand how the patient’s reaction burdens the stranger.

AWEEK LATER Katya and I were having martinis at the Downing Street pub. I was smoking a Cuban cigar I had brought back with me from Mexico. Katya was eating olives. She said, Do you think Quaker did it? I told her I didn’t have a clue. She said, Why would he?

I said, Same answer.

She said, I think you think he’s innocent, and you don’t want to say it out loud.

I said, You think you know me, don’t you?

I know a lot of lawyers who want to represent a death-row inmate who’s actually innocent. Prove he’s innocent, get him out, be a hero, go on TV, be adored, feel good about yourself. I understand the impulse, but I counsel them against it.

I said, You know, K, when Jeremy Winston got executed on Halloween, he was truly remorseful. I could tell that when I first met him. At some level, he felt like he deserved to die. That’s why he didn’t care when I told him we weren’t going to win. He didn’t want to win.

Winston had broken through a first-floor window and stolen Lucy Romer from her bed in the middle of the night on the Friday after Thanksgiving. Lucy’s mother found her empty bed at eight the next morning. There was blood on the window frame and glass on the bed. Police found Lucy later that afternoon. She had been vaginally and anally raped. She had been smothered. Her skull was crushed, probably from being run over. She was five years old.

Winston’s dad had been murdered in front of Winston when the boy was eight. Over the next seven years, his mother lived with eleven different men. At least six of them beat Winston and his mother on a fairly regular basis. One of them fired a gun at Winston. Another beat him with a brick. A third sodomized him.

Katya said, You wanted to keep Winston alive, but it wasn’t your doing that he died.

I said, That rationalization hasn’t worked so well for me before, and if I start to believe that he’s innocent, it won’t work at all with Henry Quaker.

She said, Whether you believe he’s innocent has nothing to do with it.

I thought about that. I couldn’t be sure whether she had stressed the word you or the word believe . I didn’t see the need to sort it out. The point was the same.

JEROME, GARY, KASSIE, AND I met to discuss our strategy. Jerome had read the transcripts. He noticed that when police arrived at the murder scene, they checked Dorris’s hands for gunpowder residue. The police reports did not say what the results of the test had been. But Jerome thought it was significant that they had even conducted a test. They had to have been thinking that she killed her two children and then committed suicide. But why would they think that, why would they check her hands, unless they had found a gun nearby? And if they had found a gun nearby, why wasn’t it mentioned anywhere in the file? I told the team that I’d have lunch with Detective Harmon to see what I could learn.

Gary and Kassie thought we should take another run at Green. I asked what he could possibly know. Gary had figured out from jail records that Green had been in the county jail during Quaker’s trial. He could have heard just about anything. I warned them again about Green’s temper. Kassie said, Right, you tell the guy to have a nice life, and he’s the one with the temper.

I shrugged. I told Gary to let Kassie take the lead in talking to Green. Then I said to Kassie, Be sure to wear something nice.

MELISSA HARMON SAID, If you’re buying lunch, you must need something.

I’d known Melissa for close to twenty years. She had been a homicide cop before leaving the police force to open her own detective agency. She is five feet two inches tall, and weighs maybe a hundred pounds after a big breakfast. She is also a third-degree black belt. For ten years she was married to an abusive spouse. I once asked her why she didn’t beat the crap out of the guy. She turned her head to the side and shrugged. I never asked again. She did me a big favor when I was a young lawyer, and I was finally able to pay it back by getting her a divorce lawyer who put her ex-husband through the misery he deserved. When I needed a cop’s perspective, I asked her. Sometimes I even hired her.

I said, If you were investigating a crime scene, is there any reason you would think a dead guy had committed suicide if you didn’t find a gun near him? She asked what hypothetical crime scene I was talking about. I told her.

She said, Lucas Wyatt pulled that case, right? I nodded. She said, He might take too many shortcuts, but he isn’t corrupt. I said that wasn’t exactly what I had asked her. We were at Goode Company Bar-B-Q. She ate a piece of sausage. She said, I don’t know why you eat the brisket. It’s like diet food. It isn’t as good as this. She stabbed another piece of sausage with her plastic fork and waved it under my nose. I waited. She said, No, I don’t think that thought would cross my mind. I asked whether it would make a difference if the victim was a woman. She thought for a minute and asked, Wasn’t she a mother? I told her yes. She said, If the kids were dead, I might give the possibility of murder-suicide a little thought.