David Pierson - Breaking Bad

Walter exerts tremendous effort to conceal not only his criminal life from his family, but also the effects of his sickness from his family. He withholds the diagnosis of cancer for as long as he can. He is saccharinely false about his illness, lying to them about his coughing fits, his weakness, loss of consciousness and his frailty. Even after his surgery is successful and he is going in for his follow up chemo treatments, he omits to tell his family the results of the tests; if they want to know, they have to ask him about the tests and it is not clear that he is being completely forthright given that he has rarely been truthful with them in the past, ostensibly to spare their feelings.

Walter has missed out on numerous family events in the previous months since he began making crystal meth. And, after Walter moved out of the house, he is only tangentially involved with the family. But completely missing his son’s birthday party is even more negligent than usual. Walter Jr., in the episode, “Salud” (9/18/11), arrives at his father’s condo for an explanation. Walt Jr. rings the doorbell, but the rings go unanswered. He calls, but the call goes through to the answering machine, and we can hear the answering machine message, with Walter’s detached voice identifying himself and asking the caller to leave a message. Walter Jr. asks if he is alright and informs him that he knows he is home because his car is parked in the driveway. Walter listens to his son’s pleas as he lays in bed, clutching bloodied sheets, evidence of his most recent fight. Walter Junior continues telling Walt that he missed his son’s party and he knows something is wrong so he will call for help. When Walt Jr. speaks of contacting 9-1-1, Walter is sufficiently motivated to admit Walt Jr. into his house. Alarmed by his father’s appearance, Walt Jr. asks him what happened and Walt responds that he was in a fight. Alarmed, Walter Jr. starts to call his mother on his cell phone but Walter begs him not to. Then, crying, he confesses to his son that he made a huge blunder and he paid for his mistake. Walter Jr., completely misunderstands this conversation, and believes that they are talking about his father’s (non-existent) gambling addiction. He consoles his father, and then leads the distraught Walter to bed, to sleep off the effects of the pain pills and distress.

The next morning, Walter wakes up to find the apartment clean and Walter Jr. asleep on his couch. Embarrassed, Walter apologizes to his son for missing his birthday. Refusing to accept Walter Jr.’s forgiveness, he takes complete responsibility for any misunderstanding between them. Seeing Walter Jr.’s inability to fully understand this apology, Walter tells him that his own father died of Huntington’s Disease when Walter was quite young. Worse, the disease caused his father to end his days in a hospital needing full care because of the neurological damage caused by the disease. Despite wanting to know his father, what he was like as a person, Walter confesses that he has only one real memory of his father lying in bed, dying and gasping his last breath of air. This memory so disturbs him that Walter tell his son that, more than anything, he does not want his memory of him to be one of a sick, weak man. Walter Jr. dismisses his father’s worries and tells him that such a memory would not be bad because it would be better than missing him for the past year.

Walter’s main concern, as with the Talking Pillow conversation, is the legacy he will leave his family. He is terrified that after he is dead his family will remember nothing more than the smell of him while he is ill, or of him crying and bloodied, wearing nothing but his underwear while clinging to his paraplegic son for support. Walter insists to Walter Jr. that he is his father, as if declaring a biological fact bolsters his credibility. But it does not. In the past year, Walter has been the worst sort of absentee father desperately accumulating millions all so that he can escape being the sickly dead man who needs his family for physical or emotional support.

But to Walter Jr., far worse than dirty sheets or a future with adult diapers is an absentee father, inadequate explanations and false bonhomie which is what life has been for the past year. Even worse is a father that moves in and out of the house and parents who are not on speaking terms with no explanation. In comparison to the controlled deceptions Walter has constructed, the bodily realism of tears and weakness is refreshing indeed.

After killing Gus Fring, Walter calls Skyler to let her know that he is safe and that he has won. Walter did not set out, first and foremost, to topple Gus Fring, to beat cancer, or even to cheat death. Walter wanted to cheat failure. Walter did not want to die smelly and weak, laying in a hospital bed, stinking and frail, with tubes and needles poking into him, the object of pity and a financial burden to his family. He did not like his choices life had handed him so he created his own. After just about a year later, he has more money than he could spend in several lifetimes and is running the highest grade meth operation ever organized, with a territory reaching throughout the entire southwest of the United States and expanding interests in the Czech Republic. So, Walter has won, it would seem. But what has he lost? The love and respect of his wife, [13] At one point, Skyler tells Walter that her best move is to wait for the cancer to return to him. Not a good sign for a marriage, and a stark contrast to her feelings for him just a short year ago. the trust and loyalty of Jesse, [14] Throughout most of their “odd couple” adventures, Jesse remained loyal to Walter, always deferentially referring to him as Mr. White. Yet, enough seemed to be enough for, once Jesse was aware that Walter had ordered Mike’s men killed and then showed up at his house, Jesse answered the door armed. Jesse seemed to consider the possibility that Walter might kill him for knowing too much about the operation. and, of course, the opportunities to spend time with his two children. Walter was not driven by a naked desire for cash, nor did he have a lifelong desire to make meth. Instead, it was his terror of confronting his illness that prompted everything. But rather than reconcile his parental responsibilities with whatever inevitable, and perfectly natural, physical weaknesses he would experience, he instead chose to abandon his family and his moral values. In effect, Walter’s fear that cancer would make his life not worth living propelled him to make terrible choices such that much of what makes life worth living is gone or so thoroughly damaged, that his life is not worth living.

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