Arthur Wellesley Wellington - The Letters of the Duke of Wellington to Miss J., 1834-1851

"During the next visit from the Duke he exclaimed, speaking of his feeling for me, 'This must be for life!' twice over successively. He then asked me if I felt sufficient for him to be with him a whole life, to which I replied: ' If it be the will of God .' I observed much excitement about him, and he in a very hurried manner told me that he was going on a visit to the King. This led me to reply, 'I wish you were going on a visit to The King ,' which he evidently interpreted to mean The King of kings. He left me hastily, saying he purposed returning in a short time. In the interim I locked my door and knelt down, beseeching God to be with me and protect me, showing me what he would have me do under such marvellous circumstances. Forgetting that the door was fastened, I was obliged on the Duke's return to explain wherefore, stating that it is written, 'When thou hast shut thy door, pray to thy Father which is in secret, and thy Father which seeth in secret shall reward thee openly;' adding, ' Therefore I locked the door when you were gone, Your Grace, to kneel down and ask God to take care of me.' On hearing this his eyes dropped, but he said nothing. On his asking me why I had not written to him during his absence from town, I replied, 'Because God would not let me;' when his eyes again fell, and he was silent."

The Duke was again summoned out of town before he had the opportunity to repeat his call. He promised, however, to attend Miss J. upon his return at the end of a week. He was detained longer than he had anticipated, and meanwhile reflection appears to have made Miss J. doubt the propriety of her meeting him again. She writes an account of her meditations upon this subject in her Diary, and follows it with a copy of the letter she wrote to the Duke:—

"It is now this day a fortnight since the Duke paid me the visit attended by the circumstances described, which not only occasioned suffering immediately after his departure of no common nature, but daily brought with it an increasing unwillingness to submit to another interview. As this at length approached I was led to dread it and consequently to meditate on what The Will of the Lord might be. Whilst thus employed and looking up for help and guidance, these blessed promises came, 'In Me is the Help.' ' I will uphold thee ,' after which I slept in peace. The following morning, (yesterday) I rose, much strengthened in spirit and prayed that I might be given grace to fulfil all the good pleasure of God with regard to one inexpressibly dear to my soul.

"I then rose from my knees, dressed me, and without the slightest idea what I was about to do descended into the parlor, which I had no sooner entered than a powerful feeling possessed me to write to the Duke, and entreat he would desist visiting me, which accordingly I was compelled to do. In order to know whether he was in town, I sent for a Newspaper, thereby learning that he arrived the day before, consequently that in two hours I could prevent a visit. As the time he mentioned as that of his stay from Town had doubly elapsed I concluded he would in all probability call that day and thus subject me to another trying visit, if immediate measures were not taken to prevent it. Therefore, I wrote on the letter 'Put in before 4 o'clock,' in which case it is to be hoped he would receive it at 6,—or at the furthest 8 o'clock, and I thus feel myself delivered from the anticipation of a visit which under present circumstances could only have been productive of a repetition of feelings I am most anxious to avoid."

My Lord Duke,—Finding my peace, that perfect peace which for so many years I have almost uninterruptedly enjoyed interfered with by your visits,—visits which under present circumstances I cannot feel justified in receiving, as they are of so different a nature from those I anticipated when I gave you permission to call upon me,—I think it my duty to entreat they should cease.

My agitation on Sunday week during and after your departure called forth reflections which actuate my present conduct. I do not consider it right personally to place myself so fully and confidentially in the power of one, who, however honorable and noble, occasionally seems to forget he is confided in by a Being who feels herself entitled even in the sight of God, not only to the appellation of virtuous, in the strictest acceptation of the word,—but righteous. This appellation as far exceeds the former in value as the heavens do the earth, as the one is to be found, I trust, frequently in the unregenerate, whilst the latter springs solely from above .

Pray do not imagine by the step now taken that I am incapable of duly appreciating your valued affection!—for I hesitate not to declare there breathes not the Being so dear to me as yourself. Yet, whilst I make this declaration and consequently admit that all the world are as nothing in comparison with you,—I consider it equally my duty to add that however dear God may have made you to me—(and I feel it is His Work, Why or Wherefore time must explain) you are as nothing in comparison with CHRIST, Whose honor I consider concerned, being, I glory to say His openly acknowledged, however unworthy, servant, And for Whose sake consequently I have come to the determination of exercising the self denial herein required.

That you could ever think of Me, notwithstanding your occasional forgetfulness,—with any other than the most honorable of feelings, would of course be as impossible as to imagine you could at pleasure bring the heavens down under your feet or turn the Sun out of his course, since both would be more likely than that I could even for a single moment forget the high end for which I was created, namely, to glorify His Holy Name Who has redeemed me with His precious Blood , and rather than dishonor it I should prefer the sufferings of Eternal torments!

Trusting that the step thus taken may be received by Your Grace in the light duty both to God and myself demand, I will not intrude upon your time further than to assure you that should any spiritual advice from me be considered needful either in sickness or health, it will always be at your service.

With an assurance of remembering you from time to time when I approach His Throne (Who is of purer eyes than to behold iniquity) and Who looketh into the deepest recesses of the human heart , I beg to subscribe myself that which in reality I trust you believe I am, namely,

The Duke's answer was a strong contrast to this effusion.

My dear Miss J.,—I have received your letter and enclosures. I beg to remind you of what I said to you the second day that I saw you; and if you recollect it you will not be surprised at my telling you that I entirely concur in the intention which you have communicated to me.

I am obliged to you for what you have sent me; and I am

This note, although courteous in form and substance, brought forth from Miss J. a reply that, beginning mildly, ended in scathing terms.

My Lord Duke,—I have endeavored in vain to recollect what you allude to as having said on the second visit paid me, remembering nothing but what appeared honorable. I supposed it impossible that there breathed a being who could dare presume to make any profession of affection for me under opposite circumstances, feeling as I do, that I should confer as high an honor on a Prince in bestowing my hand on him as he could on me in receiving it—but if it be really possible that I have mistaken Your Grace's feelings I should only degrade my own by adding more than that I deliver you into His Hands that "judgeth righteously" who declares to His children the following words—"Ye are the temples of the Holy Ghost," to which is immediately added "Whosoever therefore defileth the Temple of God, him will I destroy" again,—"Take heed that ye offend not one of these little ones," "Whoso shall offend one of these little ones that believe in me it were better for him that a millstone were hanged about his neck and that he were drowned in the depths of the sea."