Arthur Wellesley Wellington - The Letters of the Duke of Wellington to Miss J., 1834-1851

She writes:—

"I was about to enter further into a copy of the list of the Duke's letters, in the book with the lock and key, without comment on the past; but I am not permitted to do so, considering the Lord is too jealous for his holy name to suffer me to be exposed to censure which a full knowledge of circumstances would explain and prevent. Consequently, however reluctant ( recoiling from the task as I do ) to enter into such, the honor due to the holy name so justly declared to be above every name demands the effort ; and may HE , as I have upon my knees especially implored him, be with my pen accordingly, influencing it to write only what is agreeable to his unerring will, and likely to obtain the end in view above alluded to, for his holy name's sake! Since he must have influenced the Duke of Wellington to love me above every other lady upon earth from the first moment he beheld me, I am not afraid, as in his sight, to imply such feelings were permitted to exist towards one, through the workings of his power, for the accomplishment of his own ends, be they whatever they may,— which ends, however varying from those I had naturally anticipated, will, I trust, redound far more to His Glory than my anticipations, if realized, could possibly have done.

"I say naturally anticipated! And who can presume to think such were not justifiable when the individual thus brought into my presence by 'the Lord of Lords' for the purpose of receiving instruction from his holy word, never spoke, all power of speech seeming to be withdrawn, until he was compelled to exclaim: 'Oh, how I love you! how I love you!' repeating the same over and over and over again with increasing energy.

"I will proceed to describe this visit, which took place through a declaration on his part in a former letter that the desire to see me sprang from the consideration evinced by me concerning his everlasting welfare . This induced me to receive him accordingly, praying to God to be with me every moment of the time, directing even my dress. This He did, letting me be dressed on the occasion as HE pleased, which, as my Diary relates, was in my old turned dark green merino gown, daily worn,—not permitting me to be decorated in any way likely to attract notice, which, as the employment in view was of so sacred a nature, was neither required nor obtained.

"Having committed myself on my knees into his gracious hand, 'whose I am and whom I serve,' to do with me whatever seemed agreeable to His unerring will, I descended the stairs after the Duke was announced, with these words from dear Mrs. L. following me: 'Now if the Lord should send his arrow into his soul!' (She had fancied from the commencement that God intended to exalt me for the purpose of showing forth his praise, so that this impression must necessarily have been powerfully strengthened by what followed.)

"I entered the Parlour, where, standing before the fire, I beheld anything but the kind of individual personally imagined. I had not had the slightest idea that the Duke has such a beautiful, silver head, such as I always from my childhood admired, inducing me as I approached to offer my hand with additional pleasure, saying, 'This is very kind of Your Grace!' He received my hand graciously and respectfully,—but spoke not a word. I then requested him to be seated, two chairs having been placed for that purpose each side of the fire,—and occupied one of them myself; when recollecting the purport of his visit, I immediately rose, saying, 'I will show you my Treasure !' He also rose, standing until I re-seated myself with this large beautiful Bible in my arms. I placed it upon the table between us, opening it at the Third Chapter of Saint John's Gospel, announcing the same. On arriving at the seventh verse thereof, containing this momentous passage, flowing from the divine lips of him who spoke as never man spake, ' Ye must be born again ,' I, as is usual with me, raised my hand, pointing my finger emphatically, with the solemnity so important an occasion demanded, being desirous to impress the same on his mind, when to my astonishment he eagerly seized my hand, exclaiming, as before described: 'Oh, how I love you!' This was his first utterance!…

"Should any one consider strange the expression of agonizing applied to the Duke's feelings at the time he seized my hand, and exclaimed as written, I can only say that such an expression seems hardly doing justice thereto in my estimation. Nor can I find any language adequate to display the same, for God appeared to have struck the Duke dumb on beholding me, giving him no power of speech until he betrayed the effect such had on him. He seemed determined from first to last to overcome or conceal these feelings; yet on one occasion, with great solemnity of voice and manner, on my questioning him concerning who caused him to feel thus towards me, he replied,

One hesitates how to comment upon this singular interview. As has been said, the Duke was at the time of its occurrence sixty-five years old, a father and a grandfather. Under no circumstances was he a man likely to fall in love at first sight, even with so beautiful and interesting a woman as Miss J. Yet the length of time that the correspondence endured, as well as the tone he generally observed of interest in her plans, of solicitude for her health, and the readiness with which he renewed his letters when some misunderstanding had for a while interrupted them, all go to prove that he must have had a feeling for her of more than common interest. Miss J. does not demur at avowing her affection for him again and again. In later years, when there had been a decided break between them, she writes of him constantly as "my still-loved, precious Duke."

That the Duke did not have a general reputation for softness of heart, even among those who knew him well, may be gathered from Greville's comments. He styles the Duke:—

"A man of great energy, decision, and authority. The Duke is a very hard man; he takes no notice of any of his family, he never sees his mother, has only visited her two or three times in the last few years, and has not now been to see Lady Anne, though she has been in such affliction for the death of her only son, and he passes her door every time he goes to Strathfieldsaye.... He is a very extraordinary man certainly, and with many contradictions in his character.... He will not endure any one who will not be subservient to him."

Several passages in the Duke's letters to Miss J. written when there had been deaths among his friends or in his family, lead one to modify the estimate made of him by Greville, who was always too apt to let his personal prejudices color his statements. M'Carthy declares that while the Duke was cold and brusque in manner, his affections were warm and enduring. This softer side of his nature was evidently that shown to Miss J. The oddest part of the affair was that he should have betrayed it on such short acquaintance.

On parting from Miss J. the Duke told her he should be absent from town for several days, but would call upon her on his return. At his request she promised to write to him. This she afterwards found "the Lord of Lords" would not permit.

"I attempted to fulfil my promise repeatedly; but felt so restrained that I was obliged at length to relinquish all thought of doing so, considering such was not the will of God."

A letter from the Duke dated December 5 inquires the reason of this silence, and proposes calling again. To this Miss J. sent no answer; but in spite of her silence she received another note, dated London, December 22, announcing the Duke's return, and informing her that he would wait upon her the next day at three o'clock. The following account of this call is from Miss J.'s Diary:—