Masha Gessen: Gay Propaganda

KATYA

I was also in a relationship when we met. I had a girlfriend whom I had been living with for several years. But for me it was simpler. When I realized I was in love, it was clear: there was Nina and there could not be anyone else. In February 2012, we moved in together.

NINA

Right now, we’re getting ready for our wedding in Argentina in March. There aren’t that many countries where same-sex couples can get married. There’s the United States, Canada, Argentina, and I think Uruguay. As soon as we get married, we’re going to have children.

KATYA

We don’t know where or how. I would like to live at home, of course. Our parents are here, our friends, everything. But considering the level of idiocy going on here, it’s unclear whether we’ll be able to stay in Russia.

NINA

Right now, there’s a town where some parents are trying to take a woman’s children away because she’s a lesbian and lives with her partner. Considering all that, I don’t really want to have kids in Russia. We’re considering Nepal, Latin America, or the U.S.

KATYA

We don’t want to live in hiding, and it’s not just about what we want, it’s about what will be good for our kids. I don’t go around screaming about my sexual orientation. But my coworkers know, my boss and I are Facebook friends, so everything is out in the open. I work in a large international company. I haven’t had any open conflicts because of my lifestyle or faced any kinds of physical threat. But you could always add “yet” to the end of these statements. We’ll probably end up having to move to the evil empire of the United States but we don’t really want that.

NINA

In the end, our plan also depends on who the father will be because we would like the father to be a part of the child’s life. A father is a really important person for both boys and girls. A lot depends on him. Right now we have a few options in Russia and America. Katya and I have a pretty solid relationship, but I think we need a real father with whom we will find a harmonious co-existence. We want to be Mama Katya, Mama Nina, Papa, and lots of kids. At least two.

KATYA

Or at least two of each.

NINA

If we immigrate anywhere, it will probably be the States. I go there a lot and I really love New York. I speak English, so right now, it’s our leading alternative. The most important thing is to take our time, without any rush, impulsiveness, or thinking about what other people will think. This marriage is not just an official legal status; it’s important for me to feel like I’m doing everything by the books. Not in the sense of following someone else’s rules like in the Soviet Union, but in terms of living according to what I believe is right. I am 33, and I’ve done many things according to various rules, and now I only want to live by the rules that the two of us make. Katya’s opinion is very important to me; I have endless respect for her, even though we don’t always understand each other. She’s the most mysterious person in the world to me. Right from the start, I truly did not understand her, but I thought she was a completely amazing, magical being. And I still think that.

KATYA

Our relationship is very unusual. We think very differently, but we’ve come together kind of like a puzzle. I can’t even articulate what it is. It’s just that Nina is my family, my person. I don’t see a need to understand her. I feel her, and everything I need to understand, she’ll tell me.

Anya lives with her parents, who often go abroad. Their trips provide her and Natasha with the opportunity to live together for short bursts. Anya’s mother is suspicious of the fact that she doesn’t introduce any of her suitors to her parents. However, she refuses to come to terms with the fact that she will never have a son-in-law. Natasha lives with her grandmother, who is kind to Anya but does not suspect that she and her granddaughter are more than just friends. Anya and Natasha met through a fan fiction community on Livejournal. They used to work together at a children’s café, and they’re in the process of making a book together, but their most important project is partner dancing, with a specialty in “West Coast Swing.”

ANYA

Natasha is a great artist. She also loves sweets and is capable of eating a whole cake by herself.

NATA

Overnight.

ANYA

I don’t like sweets. Nata cooks for me and I bake for her. We really like to eat.

NATA

And then we go on a diet together. Recently before a festival, Anya says to me: “So, Natasha, we’re supposed to dance in a week and we’re going to have to fit into our costumes. We have to lose some weight.” Anya and I met at a Surganova concert, seven years ago. I was part of a dance collective and I invited Anya to join. That’s where it all went down.

ANYA

Once we’d settled into our relationship, we decided to take up partner dancing.

NATA

We saw these two girls dancing together at a party and got really excited about it.

ANYA

Once, we were walking by the Frunzensky Bridge, where every day they play music for anyone who wants to dance. We got next to these people who were doing “Swing Hustle” and started dancing along. Then we found a dance studio for women where they were enrolling new students. We danced there as a couple for a whole year.

NATA

We got into the dance community, where no one cares who you are, where you’re from, or who you’re sleeping with. They only care that you’re on the same wavelength as they are, that you’re dancing.

ANYA

They taught us to dance about everything. You can dance about love or about the weather. Whatever you want to dance about, you can do it. It’s a free world. This studio was open for another three years, but then there were problems with the space, and enrollment, and then with the law about whatever propaganda, since this was partner dancing for women.

We switched from “Swing Hustle” to “West Coast Swing.” It’s very fluid, like the sea. It stretches out like a wave.

NATA

It doesn’t have end points; it always keeps going. We’re not professional dancers for one simple reason: because we don’t have the right to compete as a pair.

ANYA

Nata can dance in competitions with other partners, but I can’t. I don’t exactly remember how I ended up taking the man’s part. I probably just wanted the experience.

NATA

Anya likes the male partner’s function: he decides what the pair does. The female half can improvise, but she always follows the male.

ANYA

The male partner structures the dance. He has to think five steps ahead. It’s very complicated: you have to consider technique, the music, and the shape of the dance.

NATA

It was very hard for me in the beginning because I was not used to obediently following someone. We even had conflicts, but we’ve learned to understand one another.

ANYA

Nata follows me. When I see that she’s started improvising, I wait and give her time, complementing her movements with my own. It’s an art. The tipping point was when I was able to ask another girl who wasn’t Nata to dance with me at a club. For a dancer, this is a very important step. You can’t always dance with the same partner because it’ll make you worse. You won’t notice your mistakes. I remember sitting there, afraid. How will I ask another girl to dance with me? What will the girl think of me? But then I saw my teacher and asked her. Since then, I’ve known that I can dance with anyone. This is a new level for someone who wants to dance professionally.