Fang Fang - Wuhan Diary - Dispatches from a Quarantined City

4. Those ultra-leftists have been continually looking for any excuse to attack me; they must have gone through my Weibo posts with a toothpick in search of the slightest flaw. And God knows how many times they have officially reported me to Weibo, even though I can’t figure out what they would report me for. I’ve actually never been afraid of people reporting me; I’m more scared when they don’t report me! It’s when they don’t report you that people start believing all the rumors. But when they report you, they really expose all your good traits! To be honest, even people from the Central Commission for Discipline and Inspection have told me that I should serve on their commission, since I’m honest, I’m always abiding by the rules, and I dare to speak the truth.

5. The attacks that they launched today were particularly fierce and came quite by surprise. It was a collective attack and they all followed the same talking points, used the same language, the same images, and even posted their attacks at the same time. They also all reported me to Weibo for infringement of online rules at the same time, in order to make their case more powerful. It is almost like the meeting was held last night where they picked a specific time and decided to take collective action. Isn’t that an interesting coincidence? So who was chairing this meeting? (Even an idiot would know that such a meeting must have been orchestrated by a government office.) And who was it that fanned the flames? When you really think about it, the whole thing is actually quite terrifying. If the group one day decides that instead of just coming after my diary they want to start an insurrection or do something really destructive, I’m sure the consequences would be exponentially worse. This organization and their members have incredible resources to recruit and mobilize large numbers of people; they attack whomever the organization tells them to. They collectively attack any individual with views that oppose their own. (I even heard that two professors who spoke up for me on Weibo were also targeted; those hacks went through their accounts and even reported them to the government. All it takes is one wrong word for them to send down an order and they immediately let their dogs loose, who unleash a flurry of insults and curses against you. I’m really not sure what the difference is between them and any other terrorist organization.) Doesn’t the government feel they should be concerned about these organizations? They must have also threatened the government on more than one occasion?

6. Here I am, a writer quarantined in the epicenter of an outbreak, locked up in her home, recording all the things she thinks, feels, and experiences. If you want to support me, support me; if you want to criticize me, criticize me; all that is perfectly natural. I really still don’t understand why so many people are interested in reading my diary. But a few days ago I saw one reader comment, “Fang Fang’s Wuhan Diary is like a breathing valve to save us from our boredom.” That felt good to read; it’s really hard to describe in words. As I myself struggle to breathe, I have also been helping others to breathe. It is only because I have had so many readers leaving me encouraging comments that I decided to push forward and carry on. It is those readers who have brought me the most warmth throughout this period of life under quarantine.

7. But what I really don’t understand is why a rather unassuming diary like this would elicit such malicious denunciations and attacks from so many people? When did this all begin? Who incited all these people to attack me? Who exactly are these people who are coming after me? What kind of intentions lurk behind their attacks? What kind of system of values drives people to do this? What kind of education and upbringing did these people have? What kind of work do they normally do? There is always a record left online; perhaps some people who care can look into this and do a little research to uncover the truth behind these attacks and the people launching them. It’s something worth looking into and I am quite curious.

8. I really feel sorry for all those young people who are part of this. Once they start to take those ultra-leftists as their teachers and mentors, I’m afraid that many of them will be spending the rest of their lives in a dark abyss.

The outbreak situation continues to improve. The number of new confirmed coronavirus patients today dropped to below 10, and most districts in the city are now down to zero. That’s a number that makes a lot of people happy. I started today in a lousy mood, but thanks to the good news about the coronavirus numbers dropping, I suppose things evened out a bit.

March 13, 2020

Open up a space so we can all have a good cry.

It was still quite sunny at noon, but later in the afternoon it started to turn cloudy and the wind picked up. The old man in heaven can be unpredictable, changing on the turn of a dime; sometimes we would prefer a transition period, but often we can’t even get that. The cherry blossoms on the campus of Wuhan University must be in full bloom now. Looking down at them from the rostrum of the Laozhaishe, the belt of flowers would always resemble a trail of white clouds. Back when I was in college there, we would always go there to take pictures when the cherry blossoms were in bloom. At that time there were no tourists, just us students. Years later that place became a major tourist destination, and during this season each year the campus is swarming with so many people that you can barely walk without bumping into people. There are more faces in the crowd then petals on the flowers, and the scenery is more dominated by the throngs of people than by the cherry blossoms.

The coronavirus situation continues to improve. More and more people are being discharged from the hospitals, and there are now only a handful of new patients. But one strange thing today was that the daily coronavirus press conference was held a bit later than usual. In the afternoon I looked at several of my chat groups and discovered that a lot of people were all discussing this; no one knew why there was this delay. My doctor friend also wondered why just a short delay would suddenly send everyone’s imagination to run wild. I wonder what everyone is thinking?

It has now been more than 50 days since the quarantine was implemented. If they had told us in the beginning that this would last 50 days I wonder how we would have taken that news. But no matter what, I certainly never imagined it would last this long. Last month when I picked up my prescription at the hospital, I got a one-month supply, which I thought would be plenty—I never thought the quarantine would still be going on. Looking back, I clearly underestimated this virus. I underestimated its ferocity and endurance. While the number of new patients continues to decrease, there is some strange news that has been coming in that reminds us that we can’t take any half-measures, otherwise this virus could rear its ugly head again. Therefore, we continue to stand at the ready. One thing on our side now is the fact that we now have more experience about how to fight this virus; if you get sick, it usually isn’t too bad if you immediately go to the hospital and get treatment. As long as you don’t let it progress to the later stages, treatment isn’t that difficult.

We are almost halfway through March and the Qingming Festival is almost here. Honoring and remembering our past relatives, burning incense for them, and sweeping their tombs are all traditions that have persisted a long time in our culture. This is also a rite that most families partake in every year. For the people of Wuhan, who are usually stubbornly traditional, this year’s festival will be a big challenge for people. In just over two months’ time, we have lost several thousand people, impacting tens of thousands of their friends and relatives. Their loved ones are gone, yet they are not only unable to prepare their tombs in remembrance; they cannot even pick up the ashes of their deceased relatives. This is especially the case for those families who lost relatives during early to mid-February; the first seven days after someone’s death are supposed to be reserved for various rites, but they were instead thrown into a state of chaos and pain; for many people the official 49-day mourning period wouldn’t end until after the Qingming Festival. Everyone realizes that this coronavirus period is an era unlike any other time, however, when the moment comes that you must face a personal loss, how can you be expected not to feel sadness and longing for your loved ones? That’s simply not a possibility. I’m quite concerned for families that have lost someone. I’m worried that when the reality really sets in, they won’t be able to handle this extended period of repression and it could lead to a lot of people having a nervous breakdown. Just thinking about it now, even I have trouble holding in my tears.