Array Seka - Inside Seka

I was in second grade and went to school one morning like it was any other day. My brother, sister, and I went to the same school because my sister was only a year and a half older than I, and my brother was only a year and a half older than she. Everything was fine when we left. But lunchtime came and I didn’t see my brother or sister anywhere. I wasn’t concerned because we were all in different grades. When 3 p.m. came around I still didn’t see them, but we didn’t always walk home together since they might be doing something with their friends. We all had keys anyway. The school was only about three blocks away and in those days parents didn’t worry about kids walking to school. I got home and there was nobody there. I still had no sense anything was wrong because sometimes neither parent was home at that time.

The living room was messy and average-sized, with old, plain furniture. I sat down to do my homework. It started to get dark and I finally began to feel concerned. But I was fine; I was home. I made a sandwich because I was hungry. I watched TV and even though I was getting more anxious, I was also feeling sleepy and knew there was school the next day. I fell asleep on the couch.

I woke up quite early the next morning. Still nobody there. I took a bath, got dressed, and went to school. I don’t know why, but I didn’t call anybody. I just went to school every day, came home, did my homework, and went to sleep. This went on for almost two weeks. I never went to sleep in my bed because I was scared. I felt safer in the living room because there was noise from the TV. There was enough food in the house and I didn’t need money for lunch since I packed it every day. The dishes started to pile up, though, and the water started to overflow when I ran it. At that age, I didn’t do dishes. That was when I finally realized something had to be done. I called a cab and had them take me to my grandparents’ house.

When I got there I told the driver to wait, that I’d be right back, and I went in and told my grandfather he needed to pay the man. It was like $54, which was exorbitant back then. Knowing my grandfather, he probably gave him a dime for a tip. It wasn’t because he was cheap; it was just his way.

He said, “Why do I need to pay a cabby?”

“Because I don’t have any money, Grandpa.”

I proceeded to tell him I’d been home alone and he said, “What are you talking about?” He turned every shade of purple, blue, and red a man could turn. You didn’t want to make my grandfather angry.

Evidently I hadn’t bathed myself well because they threw me in the tub and scrubbed me. I loved that bathtub because it was one of those big old ones with the claw feet and was scooped down in the back. My grandmother would fill it up with warm water and I’d feel very safe with all the wonderful smells wafting in from the kitchen. At that point, I felt everything was going to be okay because I was in a safe, loving place. There was good hot food on the stove after more than a week of cold cereal and sandwiches.

I stayed with my grandparents, but they also had no idea where my family was. We were all confused and concerned. For all I knew, they were dead. My grandparents went back to the house and it was a lot more disgusting than I’d remembered. My mother wasn’t a very neat person so I was used to it. They went to my school and discovered that my mother and stepfather had picked up my brother and sister there — but not me — and said, “We’re going on a little vacation. We’ll have them back in a week or two.” My grandparents asked if they mentioned where they were going and they said Florida. I was so pissed off they went to Florida and I didn’t get to go. I wasn’t pissed off that they had left me and put me in harm’s way. My brother wasn’t much of a water person, and my sister had carrot orange hair, alabaster skin, and really pale brown eyes, almost gold. She looked like a little porcelain doll. Why the hell did she get to go to Florida and I didn’t? I was the tomboy. I was tan and loved the water.

Eventually my parents returned. My grandfather was standing beside the car while I remained inside. My grandfather wouldn’t let me out of the car or inside the house even though I said I needed to get some clothes. “Don’t worry about clothes,” he said. “We’ll buy you some new clothes.” Meanwhile, Mom looked at me, but it was pretty much like I wasn’t there. She didn’t seem to have the least bit of concern for me. I don’t remember her asking if I was okay, or if my grandfather just didn’t give her the opportunity. My grandfather wasn’t a mean guy or a rough guy, but he was old school. He treated everyone the way he wanted to be treated: fairly and honestly. You always knew what was on his mind.

They began yelling at one another. I don’t remember what they were saying, although my grandfather was really pissed off. He said something along the lines of, “You won’t have those two other babies, either, in a few days.”

And they didn’t.