Rachel Hawkins - Grim

“Dude,” he said. “I’m really sorry that I ran off. I was just—I was just freaked out. But it wasn’t that I didn’t want to— I was freaked out because I did. I care about you, and that sounds a little gay but obviously that’s okay. It’s okay to be a little gay. Or a lot. And human sexuality is a complicated and beautiful thing, or that’s what a psych major I dated once told me. And honestly, Matt has hooked up with every guy in the frat house and it can’t just be about being drunk because if you were that drunk you’d probably hook up with a chick once or twice. It all got a little statistically unlikely. No offence to Matt. It’s all good. He’s still my bro.”

Beauty honestly only understood one sentence of that, but she thought it was the important one.

She beamed. “I care about you, too.”

“Thanks, man,” Chad said. “Seriously. I mean I realize you’re overlooking a lot here, the claws and everything—honestly I’m very concerned about them—” Beauty did not see why Chad was suddenly so very concerned about his claws.

“I’m not overlooking anything,” she said. “I’d rather be with you than anyone else.”

Chad scuffed the straw on the stable floor with a clawed foot. It looked like someone had started raking the yard. “Me, too,” he muttered. “So—so what do we do now?”

It seemed very obvious to her.

“We love each other, don’t we?” Beauty asked.

“Uh,” said Chad. “Yeah? Yeah.”

“So we should get married.”

Chad choked, rattled, and hit himself in the chest so hard he almost fell over backward. Beauty got the impression he was a little surprised.

“I don’t...” he said. “What? Are you serious? Can we even—legally? In this country?”

“Oh, yes,” said Beauty.

She understood his concern completely now, but she knew of a prince who had married a swan. It was what was inside that mattered.

“Well, that’s surprising but great,” said Chad. “Like, obviously. My dad’s a Republican and he’s not in favor, but I, I am. But I’ve never really, um... Dude, this is new to me. How does it even work? Which of us is even meant to ask?”

“Will you marry me?” said Beauty.

Chad cleared his throat and fed Snowball an apple. “Yeah,” he said. “Okay. Great.” He paused and there was an embarrassed silence. “Thanks,” he added.

“Thank you,” Beauty told him. She glanced at him and caught him glancing at her, and they both found themselves smiling.

All the villagers assembled in the chapel on their wedding day. Doves had appeared from somewhere—Beauty believed that the furniture had kidnapped them somehow. The glass windows blazed, showing heroes and monsters of days long gone by in scarlet and blue, and as soon as Chad caught sight of Beauty he had a fit and dragged her outside.

“Why are you wearing that?” he demanded.

Beauty tugged on the ivory-and-pearl skirt of her wedding gown. “Don’t you like it?” she said, rather hurt.

“You look like a gi— You look great, of course,” said Chad. “But you don’t— You shouldn’t feel as if you have to dress that way. You can dress any way you want.”

“I know,” said Beauty. “And I like trousers, mostly. But it felt all right to wear this today. Because it’s a significant occasion, and because it’s tradition, and it doesn’t matter what other people think but I still want them to see and be absolutely sure this means something.”

“Okay,” said Chad. “If you’re sure.” He bit his lip, and winced with fang-related pain. “Do you want me to wear the wedding dress instead? Uh, I will if you want.”

Beauty laughed. “I don’t know why you think we have time to make one in your size. And your fur would catch on the lace.”

She caught his hand, and instead of looking worried, he had to concentrate on not hurting her with his claws.

She went down the aisle hand in hand with Chad, and they were married as the villagers whispered and the stolen doves fluttered overhead, and Chad kept his eyes on her throughout, seeing her and finding nothing wanting.

When Beauty promised to love and cherish him, the air in the chapel dazzled and shimmered and turned into somewhere new: a stone room in a high tower, where the enchantress was waiting for them.

It was Aimee, dressed in flowing black and green and red, like evil Christmas. Beauty and the Chad stared.

“Oh, come on,” said Aimee the shopkeeper, now Aimee the evil enchantress (who possibly kept a shop as a sideline). “I gave you plenty of hints.”

Beauty abruptly remembered Aimee talking about the many Beasts she had seen, even though one had been a Beast seventy years.

“You didn’t give me any hints,” Chad grumbled. “You sold me overpriced cheese but you didn’t give me any hints.”

“Well, she’s the hero,” said Aimee.

“Fair enough,” said Chad, and then, “She? What?”

Aimee clapped her hands together, and said, “You married him—that counts as love until disappointment in the bedroom or a midlife crisis. Consider the spell broken.”

“Wait,” Chad said. “She? Wha—” He began to shimmer and shift, body writhing and fur rippling away, until he was gone. There was a boy standing in his place.

He was a very odd-looking boy, with short hair that was a different color at the tips than at the roots. He was wearing a necklace of tiny seashells, and he was staring at her as if he didn’t know her.

“You’re a girl?”

“Of course I’m a girl!” Beauty snapped. “How could you marry me otherwise?”

“Hey, dudes can marry other dudes,” Chad said. “Don’t be a hater.”

Beauty blinked. “I’ve never heard of such a thing.”

It made her wonder if there were other things she had not heard of: if she could dress like a boy without saying she was a boy, or a girl, exactly. If she could be what she felt like, without having to fit into either of the boxes everybody tried to force you into.

Aimee the evil enchantress patted her on the shoulder. “She’s been very sheltered. They keep women here uninformed and pretend that’s the same thing as stupid.”

“Beauty’s the smartest person I know,” Chad said, and returned to staring at her. “Dude,” he said at last. “Uh, wait. Babe?”

“You always call me Dude,” Beauty said, confused and a little hurt.

“Dude it is,” Chad said. “Sorry. I’m just— It’s a bit of a surprise. But a nice surprise! Though it would have been cool the other way, too.” He hesitated. “It’s all good, as long as you’re with me.”

Beauty reached out in the quiet of the enchantress’s tower and took his hand. It was a little strange without claws.

“Me, too,” Beauty told him. “I just want to be with you. I don’t mind that your hair is extremely odd.”

“Dude,” said Chad. “My hair is awesome.”

Chad grinned. It was the smile Beauty recognized, and not the eyes, in the end.

“Yes, yes, very heartwarming,” Aimee the evil enchantress drawled. “Now I think we’ve all learned a valuable lesson, and we probably want to thank me.”

“Nope,” said Chad.

Aimee the evil enchantress looked offended. Beauty pressed Chad’s hand in warning: she would still love Chad if he was turned into a frog, but it wouldn’t be her preference.

“Look, I may have been a jerk, but turning someone into a giant talking animal is basically a huge overreaction. And even if it was fair to me, it wouldn’t have been fair to the innocent people whose heads I could’ve totally eaten. With great power comes great responsibility, dude.”

Aimee continued to look offended for a moment, and then shook her head and laughed. “I must admit you two have been entertaining. Well, what shall it be...? Will you stay in your lady’s enchanted kingdom, or return to be prince of your own?”