Kate Wiggin - New Chronicles of Rebecca

“No,” said Alice, with entire good nature, “whoever is ELECTED president, you WILL be, Rebecca—you’re that kind—so you might as well have the honor; I’d just as lieves be secretary, anyway.”

“If you should want me to be treasurer, I could be, as well as not,” said Persis Watson suggestively; “for you know my father keeps china banks at his store—ones that will hold as much as two dollars if you will let them. I think he’d give us one if I happen to be treasurer.”

The three principal officers were thus elected at one fell swoop and with an entire absence of that red tape which commonly renders organization so tiresome, Candace Milliken suggesting that perhaps she’d better be vice-president, as Emma Jane Perkins was always so bashful.

“We ought to have more members,” she reminded the other girls, “but if we had invited them the first day they’d have all wanted to be officers, especially Minnie Smellie, so it’s just as well not to ask them till another time. Is Thirza Meserve too little to join?”

“I can’t think why anybody named Meserve should have called a baby Thirza,” said Rebecca, somewhat out of order, though the meeting was carried on with small recognition of parliamentary laws. “It always makes me want to say:

She’s little, but she’s sweet, and absolutely without guile. I think we ought to have her.”

“Is ‘guile’ the same as ‘guilt?” inquired Emma Jane Perkins.

“Yes,” the president answered; “exactly the same, except one is written and the other spoken language.” (Rebecca was rather good at imbibing information, and a master hand at imparting it!) “Written language is for poems and graduations and occasions like this—kind of like a best Sunday-go-to-meeting dress that you wouldn’t like to go blueberrying in for fear of getting it spotted.”

“I’d just as ‘lieves get ‘guile’ spotted as not,” affirmed the unimaginative Emma Jane. “I think it’s an awful foolish word; but now we’re all named and our officers elected, what do we do first? It’s easy enough for Mary and Martha Burch; they just play at missionarying because their folks work at it, same as Living and I used to make believe be blacksmiths when we were little.”

“It must be nicer missionarying in those foreign places,” said Persis, “because on ‘Afric’s shores and India’s plains and other spots where Satan reigns’ (that’s father’s favorite hymn) there’s always a heathen bowing down to wood and stone. You can take away his idols if he’ll let you and give him a bible and the beginning’s all made. But who’ll we begin on? Jethro Small?”

“Oh, he’s entirely too dirty, and foolish besides!” exclaimed Candace. “Why not Ethan Hunt? He swears dreadfully.”

“He lives on nuts and is a hermit, and it’s a mile to his camp through the thick woods; my mother’ll never let me go there,” objected Alice. “There’s Uncle Tut Judson.”

“He’s too old; he’s most a hundred and deaf as a post,” complained Emma Jane. “Besides, his married daughter is a Sabbath-school teacher—why doesn’t she teach him to behave? I can’t think of anybody just right to start on!”

“Don’t talk like that, Emma Jane,” and Rebecca’s tone had a tinge of reproof in it. “We are a copperated body named the Daughters of Zion, and, of course, we’ve got to find something to do. Foreigners are the easiest; there’s a Scotch family at North Riverboro, an English one in Edgewood, and one Cuban man at Millkin’s Mills.”

“Haven’t foreigners got any religion of their own?” inquired Persis curiously.

“Ye-es, I s’pose so; kind of a one; but foreigners’ religions are never right—ours is the only good one.” This was from Candace, the deacon’s daughter.

“I do think it must be dreadful, being born with a religion and growing up with it, and then finding out it’s no use and all your time wasted!” Here Rebecca sighed, chewed a straw, and looked troubled.

“Well, that’s your punishment for being a heathen,” retorted Candace, who had been brought up strictly.

“But I can’t for the life of me see how you can help being a heathen if you’re born in Africa,” persisted Persis, who was well named.

“You can’t.” Rebecca was clear on this point. “I had that all out with Mrs. Burch when she was visiting Aunt Miranda. She says they can’t help being heathen, but if there’s a single mission station in the whole of Africa, they’re accountable if they don’t go there and get saved.”

“Are there plenty of stages and railroads?” asked Alice; “because there must be dreadfully long distances, and what if they couldn’t pay the fare?”

“That part of it is so dreadfully puzzly we mustn’t talk about it, please,” said Rebecca, her sensitive face quivering with the force of the problem. Poor little soul! She did not realize that her superiors in age and intellect had spent many a sleepless night over that same “accountability of the heathen.”

“It’s too bad the Simpsons have moved away,” said Candace. “It’s so seldom you can find a real big wicked family like that to save, with only Clara Belle and Susan good in it.”

“And numbers count for so much,” continued Alice. “My grandmother says if missionaries can’t convert about so many in a year the Board advises them to come back to America and take up some other work.”

“I know,” Rebecca corroborated; “and it’s the same with revivalists. At the Centennial picnic at North Riverboro, a revivalist sat opposite to Mr. Ladd and Aunt Jane and me, and he was telling about his wonderful success in Bangor last winter. He’d converted a hundred and thirty in a month, he said, or about four and a third a day. I had just finished fractions, so I asked Mr. Ladd how the third of a man could be converted. He laughed and said it was just the other way; that the man was a third converted. Then he explained that if you were trying to convince a person of his sin on a Monday, and couldn’t quite finish by sundown, perhaps you wouldn’t want to sit up all night with him, and perhaps he wouldn’t want you to; so you’d begin again on Tuesday, and you couldn’t say just which day he was converted, because it would be two thirds on Monday and one third on Tuesday.”

“Mr. Ladd is always making fun, and the Board couldn’t expect any great things of us girls, new beginners,” suggested Emma Jane, who was being constantly warned against tautology by her teacher. “I think it’s awful rude, anyway, to go right out and try to convert your neighbors; but if you borrow a horse and go to Edgewood Lower Corner, or Milliken’s Mills, I s’pose that makes it Foreign Missions.”

“Would we each go alone or wait upon them with a committee, as they did when they asked Deacon Tuttle for a contribution for the new hearse?” asked Persis.

“Oh! We must go alone,” decided Rebecca; “it would be much more refined and delicate. Aunt Miranda says that one man alone could never get a subscription from Deacon Tuttle, and that’s the reason they sent a committee. But it seems to me Mrs. Burch couldn’t mean for us to try and convert people when we’re none of us even church members, except Candace. I think all we can do is to persuade them to go to meeting and Sabbath school, or give money for the hearse, or the new horse sheds. Now let’s all think quietly for a minute or two who’s the very most heathenish and reperrehensiblest person in Riverboro.”

After a very brief period of silence the words “Jacob Moody” fell from all lips with entire accord.

“You are right,” said the president tersely; “and after singing hymn number two hundred seventy four, to be found on the sixty-sixth page, we will take up the question of persuading Mr. Moody to attend divine service or the minister’s Bible class, he not having been in the meeting-house for lo! these many years.