Michael Larrabeiti - The Borribles

Spiff had become more and more intent on what Knocker had been saying until finally he seemed quite beside himself.

"One of those toffee-nosed Rumble-Rats, eh? You get back downstairs, me lad, and I'll come right away. I'll just put me hat on."

He closed the door and Knocker scooted back down the dark uncovered stairs. He understood Spiff's caution: no Borrible ever left his room without putting on a woollen hat to cover the tops of his ears. It wasn't that they were ashamed of them, quite the contrary, but they liked to be prepared for an emergency. Any unforseen circumstance could force them into the streets and it wouldn't do to be spotted as a Borrible.

"He's coming," said Knocker as soon as he re-entered the room. "He's a good house-steward, you know, short-tempered sometimes, but very crafty."

"You can't get anything past him and that's a fact," said Lightfinger. "Some say he's artful enough to catch himself. Do you know he won all his names in fights with the Rumbles? Nobody knows how many, nobody . . . strange that. He hates 'em."

"There's lots of stories about his names and not very Borrible some of them," said Knocker, "but I don't believe the half of it." He sat down and looked at Timbucktoo and thought about names and the gaining of them, a major preoccupation with him.

A Borrible name has to be earned because that is the only way a Borrible can get one. He has to have an adventure of some sort, and if he is successful he gets a name. There are all kinds of things a Borrible can do; it doesn't have to be stealing or burgling necessarily, though it generally is. It could be a witty or funny trick on someone, and it is preferable if that someone is an adult.

The only thing that Knocker had against the rules was that it was difficult to get on any adventures once you had a name. First chance was always given to those who were nameless and this irritated Knocker for he had a secret ambition: to collect more names than any other Borrible.

A noise on the stairs disturbed Knocker's reflections. He stood up and at the same moment Spiff flung open the door and strode theatrically into the room. His head was adorned with a magnificent hat of scarlet wool and he clutched the orange dressing-gown tightly to his chest. Spiff had the clear face of a twelve-year-old child but his eyes were dark with wisdom. He stopped short as soon as he saw the Rumble and he pushed his breath out over his teeth and made a whisper of a whistle.

"At last," he said like he was praying, "at last. It's been a long while since I had my hands on one of these stinking rodents." He turned and beamed at Knocker and Lightfinger. "You lads have done marvellous, you've captured one alive and well, though he won't be for long, the little basket. Found him in the Park, eh? With hundreds of others, digging holes, that's how it starts, brothers. Down here on our manor, taking it all for granted, think they are the lords of creation, don't they? Go anywhere, do what they like, we don't count." He prodded and screwed the Rumble with a rigid index finger as he spoke. He turned to Knocker; "You know what this is?"

"A Rumble."

"Some people call them Rumbles," Spiff was bitter. "I know what I call them; bloody scavengers, no better than you or me for all their la-di-dah manners. Years of them I've seen, sneerin' at us, down their hoity-toity snouts. Thieves they are, just like us, only they call it finding. A copper would call it stealing by finding. They're a bit quick at it too, mate, I can tell you; why an old lady has only got to put down her bag of peppermints to scratch herself and there they are, gone in a flash. Bloody hypocrites! Drop a gob-stopper and you won't hear it hit the ground, one of these little bleeders has scooped it up in mid-air. Keeping the place clean they call it, huh, so clean there's nothing left for anyone else."

Knocker and Lightfinger looked at each other. They had never seen Spiff so angry.

"Oh, come on, Spiff," said Lightfinger carelessly, "it can't be that bad, the Rumbles have never done me any harm."

Spiff jumped a foot from the floor. "Don't you know anything about the old days," he cried, "the struggles and fights we had to win free? Why those times were terrible."

"Oh, I know about it all right but that was your time, not mine," and Lightfinger leaned against the wall, crossed his ankles and shoved his hands into his pockets.

"Don't care was made to care," said Spiff sententiously, "and history repeats itself, in fact it don't repeat itself, it just goes on being the same."

"Well, what are we going to do with this rabbit, anyway?" asked Knocker.

"Lock it up in the cupboard," said Spiff rubbing his chin. "I'll call an Annual General Emergency Session tomorrow. You two can run down the street with the message right now, before you go to bed. I know the others won't like it but this is an emergency and we will have to act and think together for once!"

Spiff took one last look at the Rumble, then he shoved his Borrible hat further onto his head, spun on his heels and left the room. Knocker got the prisoner to his feet and locked him in the store-cupboard, then he and Lightfinger left by the basement door and spent the next few hours informing all the Borribles in the High Street what was afoot. The Annual General Emergency Session was set for the next morning at ten o'clock. Finally the two exhuasted lookouts got to their own room at the top of Spiff's house and they climbed into a bundle of old blankets and sacks that formed their bed.

"Ho, ho, oh, ho," yawned Knocker, "what a day." "Goo 'night," said Lightfinger, and was immediately asleep.

A Borrible's main business is to stay alive. This is an occupation that takes up most of his time; getting food from what is left about, finding stuff before it is lost and knocking food off barrows and out of the store-rooms of supermarkets and such like. That is why Borribles live round shopping centres and along street-markets like Brixton and Petticoat Lane. Then again much of their provisions come from the gear that falls off lorries, which happens a lot in London with the bumpy roads.

So important is that aspect of their life that they have many proverbs about it and they are all gathered together in The Borrible Book of Proverbs. Some of these sayings are very ancient, like "That which falls off a lorry belongs to he who follows the lorry," and "That which is found has never been lost." One of their favourites is, "It is impossible to lose that which does not belong to you," and Borribles use that one a lot to people who complain about their thieving.

By eight o'clock on the morning following the capture of Timbucktoo Rumble, Battersea High Street market was in full swing. There were barrows and stalls along each side of the road and so little space was left for traffic that not a car dared venture down there. The barrows had been shoved very close together and it was easy for a Borrible to crawl underneath them from one end of the street to the other, picking up fruit on the way. Some Borribles mingled with the shoppers on the pavements, others looked into carrier bags and asked questions, creating diversions while their mates "did the shopping". It was a good way to get breakfast.

The costermongers shouted at each other and at prospective customers, urging them to buy. There were barrows selling fruit, ironmongery, fish and large crabs; the shops had their doors wide open and friends were drinking tea in Notarianni's cafe and chatting their heads off. The pie-and-eel shop, Brown's, was doing a fine business and people from the different blocks of buildings, Archer House, Eaton House and White House, were loafing about the street and talking about passing bets in Ernie Swash's. The noise was so great that it rose right up the side of the house where Knocker and Lightfinger were sleeping and woke them in their bed on the floor.