Eoin Colfer: Artemis Fowl. The Opal Deception

‘Don’t worry, Mud Boy,’ said Holly. ‘I’ll keep a close eye on you, to make sure you stay on the straight and narrow.’

‘I have two parents and a bodyguard already trying to do that.’

‘Well then, maybe it’s time to let them.’

The lounge’s doors slid open and Foaly clopped in excitedly, followed by

Commander Sool and a couple of flunkies. Sool was obviously not as thrilled to be in the room as the centaur, and had brought the extra officers along just in case Butler got agitated.

Foaly grabbed Holly by the shoulders. ‘You’re clear,’ he beamed. ‘The Tribunal voted seven to one in your favour.’

Holly scowled at Sool. ‘Let me guess which one.’

Sool bristled. ‘I am still your superior officer, Short. I want to see that reflected in your attitude. You may have escaped this charge, but I will be watching you like a hawk from now on.’

Mulch clicked his fingers in front of Foaly’s face. ‘Hey, pony boy. Over here. What about me? Am I a free dwarf?’

‘Well, the Tribunal decided to go after you for the grand theft auto.’

‘What?’ spluttered Mulch. ‘After I saved the entire city?’

‘But,’ continued Foaly, ‘considering the time already served for an illegal search,

they’re prepared to call it even. No medal, I’m sorry to say.’

Mulch slapped the centaur’s haunch. ‘You couldn’t just say that, could you? You had to draw it out.’

Holly had not stopped scowling at Sool. ‘Let me tell you what Julius told me shortly before he died,’ she said.

‘Please do,’ said Sool, his words dripping with sarcasm. ‘I find everything you say fascinating.’

‘Julius told me, more or less, that my job was to serve the People, and that I should do that any way I could.’

‘Smart fairy. I do hope you intend honouring those words.’

Holly ripped the LEP badge from her shoulder. ‘I do. With you looking over my shoulder on every shift, I won’t be able to help anyone, so I’ve decided to go it alone.’

She tossed the badge on the table. ‘I quit.’

Sool chuckled. ‘If this is a bluff, it won’t work. I’ll be glad to see the back of you.’

‘Holly, don’t do this,’ pleaded Foaly. ‘The force needs you. I need you.’

Holly patted his flank. ‘They accused me of murdering Julius. How can I stay? Don’t worry, old friend. I won’t be far away.’ She nodded at Mulch. ‘Are you coming?’

‘What, me?’

Holly grinned. ‘You’re a free dwarf now, and every private detective needs a partner. Someone with underworld connections.’

Mulch’s chest swelled. ‘Mulch Diggums, private detective. I like that. Hey, I’m not a sidekick, am I? Because the sidekick always gets it.’

‘No. You’re a fully fledged partner. Whatever we make, we split.’

Holly turned to Artemis next.

‘We did it again, Mud Boy. We saved the world, or at least stopped two worlds colliding.’

Artemis nodded. ‘It doesn’t get any easier. Maybe someone else should take a turn.’

Holly punched him playfully in the arm. ‘Who else has our style?’ Then she leaned in and whispered for his ears only, ‘I’ll be in touch. Maybe you might be interested in some consultancy work?’

Artemis cocked one brow and gave a slight nod. It was all the answer she needed.

Butler usually stood to say goodbye, but on this occasion he had to make do with kneeling. Holly was barely visible inside the hug he gave her.

‘Until the next crisis,’ she said.

‘Or maybe you could just visit,’ he replied.

‘Getting a visa will be more difficult, now that I’m a civilian.’

‘You’re sure about this?’

Holly frowned. ‘No. I’m torn.’ She nodded at Artemis. ‘But who isn’t?’

Artemis treated Sool to his most scornful gaze. ‘Congratulations, Commander, you have managed to alienate the LEP’s finest officer.’

‘Listen here, human,’ began Sool, but Butler growled and the words withered in the commander’s throat. The gnome stepped quickly behind the larger of his officers.

‘Send them home. Now.’

The officers drew their sidearms, aimed and fired. A tranquillizer pellet stuck to

Artemis’s neck, dissolving instantly. The officers hit Butler with four, not taking any chances.

Artemis could hear Holly protesting as his vision blurred like an Impressionist painting. Like The Fairy Thief.

‘There’s no need for that, Sool,’ she said, catching Artemis’s elbow. ‘They’ve seen the chute already. You could have returned them conscious.’

Sool’s voice sounded as though he were speaking from the bottom of a well. ‘I’m not taking any chances, Captain, I mean, Miss Short. Humans are violent creatures by nature, especially when they are being transported.’

Artemis felt Holly’s hand on his chest. Under his jacket, slipping something into his pocket. But he couldn’t ask what because his tongue would not obey him. All he could do with his mouth was breathe. He heard a thump behind him.

Butler’s gone, he concluded. Just me left.

And then he was gone too.

FOWL MANOR

Artemis came to gradually. He felt well and rested, and all his memories were in place. Then again, maybe they weren’t. How would he know?

He opened his eyes and saw the fresco on the ceiling above. He was back in his own room.

Artemis did not move for several moments. It wasn’t that he couldn’t move, it was just that lying here like this seemed utterly luxurious. There were no pixies after him, or trolls homing in on his scent, or fairy tribunals judging him. He could lie here and simply think. His favourite occupation.

Artemis Fowl had a big decision to make. Which way would his life go from here?

The decision was his. He could not blame circumstances or peer pressure. He was his own person, and intelligent enough to realize it.

The solitary life of crime no longer appealed to him as completely as it had. He had no desire to create victims. And yet there was still something about the thrill of executing a brilliant plan that attracted him. Maybe there was a way to combine his criminal genius with his new-found morals. Some people deserved to be stolen from. He could be like a modern-day Robin Hood: steal from the rich and give to the poor. Well, maybe just steal from the rich. One step at a time.

Something vibrated in his jacket pocket. Artemis reached in and pulled out a fairy communicator. One of the pair they had planted in Opal Koboi’s shuttle. Artemis had a vague memory of Holly sliding something into his pocket just before he passed out. She obviously wanted to stay in touch.

Artemis stood up, opening the device, and Holly’s smiling face appeared on the screen.

‘You got home safely, then. Sorry about the sedatives. Sool is a pig.’

‘Forget about it. No harm done.’

‘You have changed. Once upon a time, Artemis Fowl would have vowed revenge.’

Holly glanced around her. ‘Listen, I can’t stay on long. I had to bolt on a pirate booster to this thing, just to get a signal. This call is costing me a fortune. I need a favour.’

Artemis groaned. ‘No one ever calls me to say hello.’

‘Next time. I promise.’

‘I’ll hold you to it. What’s the favour?’

‘Mulch and I have our first client. He’s an art dealer who’s had a picture stolen.

Frankly, I’m flummoxed, so I thought I’d ask an expert.’

Artemis smiled. ‘I suppose I do have some expertise in the area of stolen art. Tell me what happened.’

‘The thing is. There’s no way in or out of this exhibition without detection. The painting is just gone. Not even warlocks have that kind of magic.’

Artemis heard footsteps on the stairs.