Lei Mi - Profiler

Is this what love looks like?

After returning to his dorm, Fang Mu first went to Meng Fanzhe's room. Even though he could see from the doorway window that no lights were on, he knocked anyway.

No response, just as he had expected.

He had already talked to Zou Tuanjie, who said that Meng Fanzhe still hadn't come to class that day, and no one had seen him all day.

Where had he gone?

When Fang Mu returned to his room Du Yu was already there, but much to his surprise, he wasn't playing Counter-Strike. Instead he was sitting at his desk with a serious look on his face.

"What are you doing?" asked Fang Mu. Having grown accustomed to Du Yu always having a smile on his face, Fang Mu found his current expression to be a little amusing.

"Do you have a moment?" Du Yu asked, turning an unhappy look on him. "I wanted to talk to you."

"About what?" Fang Mu couldn't help but feel a little baffled.

"About you and Deng Linyue."

He stared at Du Yu for several seconds. "Are you just curious? Or is it something else?"

"It's not that." Du Yu paused for a moment. "I just wanted to talk to you as a friend."

Fang Mu pulled his chair over and sat down, and lit a cigarette. "What do you want to know?"

"Are you and Deng Linyue…really a couple?"

Fang Mu hesitated for a moment. "I…suppose we are."

"What do you mean 'you suppose?'" Du Yu brought his chair closer to Fang Mu. "Do you love her?"

For a moment Fang Mu was silent. He took several drags from his cigarette. "To be honest, I don't know."

He really didn't know. Several days ago, the name Deng Linyue had meant only victim to him. Now, however, she was his girlfriend. The whole process had been like an unrealistic dream that he had fallen into without realizing it.

It wasn't the first time this problem had occurred to Fang Mu. In fact, he had been trying to avoid thinking about it for the past several days.

He had avoided it because he had grown accustomed to his new life.

Accustomed to a girl's warm eyes looking at him adoringly.

Accustomed to someone caring deeply about his daily life.

Accustomed to having a soft, sweet-scented body beside him.

And accustomed to those hugs and kisses that made him tremble inside.

Du Yu was watching him, waiting for more of Fang Mu's reply. He sighed. "Actually," he said, speaking slowly, "as your friend I really support you and Deng Linyue being together. And Yaoyao and I both feel that you two are very good for each other. It's just that you became a couple so fast that, especially right now, it really surprised everyone." He paused. "You know what everyone's saying about it, right?"

Fang Mu suddenly realized exactly why Du Yu had been so serious about wanting to discuss the subject with him. It was because of Liu Jianjun.

Seeing that Fang Mu wasn't going to say anything, Du Yu answered the question himself. "They're saying that you took advantage of Liu Jianjun's injury to steal his girlfriend."

Fang Mu laughed hollowly. This was hardly the first time others had misunderstood him. Wasn't he called a freak all the way back to the beginning of school? Well, he still didn't give a damn.

"Is that what you think, too?" Fang Mu asked at last.

"Of course not! I know you too well to think that." Du Yu paused, and then quickly added, "However, I'm still not totally clear about what exactly happened."

Fang Mu had no desire whatsoever to keep discussing this topic with Du Yu, but when he saw the firm and trusting look in his roommate's eyes, he thought for a moment longer and then told him everything that Deng Linyue had said about her relationship with Liu Jianjun.

After listening, Du Yu was quiet for some time. But when Fang Mu lit his fifth cigarette, Du Yu suddenly seemed to come to some internal conclusion and jumped up and placed his hand firmly on Fang Mu's shoulder.

"I support you, brother," he said rather loudly. "You did nothing wrong, and neither did Deng Linyue. Next time I hear someone criticize you, I'll tell them what really happened!"

Fang Mu was about to tell him he really didn't need to do anything like that, but when he saw the self-sacrificing look on Du Yu's face, he just laughed and nodded.

With this weight lifted from his mind, Du Yu slept soundly that night. Fang Mu, however, couldn't get to sleep. To his roommate, his explanation had probably seemed perfectly reasonable, but it did nothing to relieve Fang Mu's self-doubts.

Do I really love Deng Linyue?

He had always known that he had the power to see into other people's hearts, and there was no doubt in his mind that Deng Linyue loved him. But could he say the same?

It is difficult for a doctor to treat himself.

At that moment, Fang Mu understood what the old saying meant. He felt like a flashlight — able to illuminate the darkest corners, but unable to shine a light on himself.

Perhaps this was how it had to be.

Everyone had a road they must walk. Some were smooth, others bumpy.

Mine , thought Fang Mu, is covered in thorns and beset by danger on all sides. There will be blood and monsters and regret and sadness, and my only company will be nightmares and the spirits of the dead.

I've already walked so far. And I'm so tired

His thoughts drifting, Fang Mu gradually fell asleep. His doubts had not been answered, but he had already begun to wonder whether that even mattered.

All he knew was that when Deng Linyue held him, he felt so warm.

The next day Tai Wei came to see him.

As soon as he walked inside, he tilted his head and looked at Fang Mu. He chuckled. "Well, you're looking pretty good."

He knew Tai Wei was trying to make fun of him about Deng Linyue. He ignored him.

Tai Wei had grown a lot thinner lately and looked a little green around the eyes. He appeared not to have slept well in some time. "Why didn't you go with Ms. Deng to the study room today?"

"Her parents came to visit her today and took her out to dinner." In fact, all day she had been hinting that Fang Mu should go with them, saying she really wanted her parents to meet him, but he never agreed to go. Perhaps it was because he still had such a bad impression of her mother from that day in the hospital. Also, he knew that if he did go, it would give the unmistakable impression of a future son-in-law paying his respects to his girlfriend's parents — and that was something he didn't want to do at all.

"So how's it going?" he asked Tai Wei. "Any discoveries?"

"None. We haven't made any progress whatsoever." Then without asking for permission, Tai Wei flopped onto Fang Mu's bed. "Right now all we can do is wait around helplessly. Fuck, man, when is all this going to end?"

The previous afternoon Tai Wei had returned to the city bureau to report to the director. Just as he had walked into the office he happened to pass the deputy mayor and the Jiangbin City American consul coming out. The director hadn't looked too pleased, but he had held his temper and listened to Tai Wei give his report. When Tai Wei finished, the director didn't give any specific comments, just told him to stay vigilant and crack the case as soon as possible. Tai Wei knew that after the fat American was killed, the bureau had been under an enormous amount of pressure. He decided not to wait around and returned directly to JiangbinCityUniversity.

The past few days Fang Mu had been mainly thinking about Deng Linyue and Meng Fanzhe, and hadn't paid much attention to the case. But now that he saw how exhausted Tai Wei looked, he couldn't help but feel a little guilty. Taking out a pack of Hibiscus King cigarettes, he handed one to Tai Wei and then made him a cup of strong tea.

"How about on your end? Anything strange been going on?" Looking like a dignified old man, Tai Wei sipped his tea, his cigarette still hanging from the corner of his mouth. "Of course, besides that time Deng Linyue got pissed at you outside her dorm."