Paula Hawkins - Into the Water

She stood up, facing Erin, holding the bloody cloth in front of her. The pain in her hand felt hot and bright, like a burn almost, with the same cauterizing effect. She was no longer sure who to be afraid of, or what exactly to feel guilty for, but she felt that she ought to keep Erin here, to find out what she wanted. To detain her for a while, hopefully until Patrick got back, because she was sure that he’d want to talk to her.

Helen wiped the knife handle with the cloth. ‘Would you like a cup of tea, Detective?’ she asked.

‘Lovely,’ Erin replied, her cheery smile fading as she watched Helen lock the front door and slip the key into her pocket before continuing on into the kitchen.

‘Mrs Townsend—’ Erin started.

‘Do you take sugar?’ Helen interrupted.

The way to deal with situations like this was to throw the other person off their game. Helen knew this from years of public-sector politics. Don’t do what people expect you to do, it puts them on the back foot right away and, if nothing else, it buys you time. So instead of being angry, outraged that this woman had come into their home without permission, Helen was polite.

‘Have you found him?’ she asked Erin as she handed her the mug of tea. ‘Mark Henderson? Has he turned up yet?’

‘No,’ Erin replied, ‘not yet.’

‘His car left on the cliff and no sign of him anywhere.’ She sighed. ‘A suicide can be an admission of guilt, can’t it? It’s certainly going to look that way. What a mess.’ Erin nodded. She was nervous, Helen could tell, she kept glancing back at the door, fiddling around in her pocket. ‘It’ll be terrible for the school, for our reputation. The reputation of this entire place, tarnished again …’

‘Is that why you disliked Nel Abbott so much?’ Erin asked. ‘Because she tarnished the reputation of Beckford with her work?’

Helen frowned. ‘Well, it’s one of the reasons. She was a bad parent, as I told you, she was disrespectful to me and to the traditions and rules of the school.’

‘Was she a slut?’ Erin asked.

Helen laughed in surprise. ‘I beg your pardon?’

‘I was just wondering if, to use your politically incorrect term, you thought Nel Abbott was a slut? I’ve heard she had affairs with some of the men in town …’

‘I don’t know anything about that,’ Helen said, but her face was hot and she felt that she had lost the upper hand. She got to her feet, crossed over to the counter and retrieved her paring knife. Standing at the sink, she washed her blood from its blade.

‘I don’t profess to know anything about Nel Abbott’s private life,’ she said quietly. She could feel the detective’s eyes on her, watching her face, her hands. She could feel her blush spread to her neck, to her chest, her body betraying her. She tried to keep her voice light. ‘Though I’d hardly be surprised if she were promiscuous. She was an attention-seeker.’

She wanted this conversation to end. She wanted the detective to leave their home, she wanted Sean to be there, and Patrick. She had an urge to lay everything on the table, to confess to her own sins and demand they confess to theirs. Mistakes had been made, admittedly, but the Townsends were a good family. They were good people. They had nothing to fear. She turned to face the detective, her chin raised and with as haughty an expression as she could muster, but her hands were trembling so badly she thought she might drop the knife. Surely she had nothing to fear?

Jules

I LEFT LENA tucked up in her mother’s bed in the morning, still sound asleep. I wrote her a note, saying I’d meet her at the police station at eleven for her to give her statement. There were things I needed to do first, conversations best had between adults. I had to think like a parent now, like a mother. I had to protect her, to keep her from any further harm.

I drove to the station, stopping halfway to ring Erin to warn her I’d be coming in. I wanted to make sure that it was Erin I spoke to, and I had to make sure that we could speak alone.

‘Why isn’t he the one who gets shoved off a fucking cliff?’ Lena had been talking about Sean Townsend last night. It had all come out, how Sean had fallen in love with Nel and – Lena thought – Nel a bit in love with Sean. It had ended a while back – Nel had said things had ‘run their course’, although Lena didn’t quite believe her. In any case, Helen must have found out, she must have taken revenge. Then it was my turn to be outraged: why hadn’t Lena said anything before? He was in charge of the investigation into Nel’s death, it was completely inappropriate.

‘He loved her,’ Lena said. ‘Doesn’t that make him a good person, that he tried to find out what happened to her?’

‘But Lena, don’t you see …?’

‘He’s a good person, Julia. How could I say anything? It would have got him into trouble, and he doesn’t deserve that. He’s a good man.’

Erin didn’t answer her phone, so I left a message and drove on to the station. I parked outside and called again, but again there was no answer, so I decided to wait for her. Half an hour went by and I decided to go in anyway. If Sean was there, I’d make an excuse, I’d pretend I thought that Lena’s statement had been scheduled for nine, not eleven. I’d think of something.

As it turned out, he wasn’t there. Neither of them was. The man on the desk told me DI Townsend was in Newcastle for the day, and that he wasn’t entirely sure of the whereabouts of DS Morgan, but he had no doubt she’d be in any minute.

I went back to my car. I took your bracelet out of my pocket – I’d put it into a plastic bag to protect it. To protect whatever was on it. The chances of there being a fingerprint or some DNA trapped within its links were slim, but slim was something. Slim was a possibility. Slim was a shot at an answer. Nickie said you were dead because you found out something about Patrick Townsend; Lena said you were dead because you fell in love with Sean and he with you, and Helen Townsend, jealous, vengeful Helen, would not stand for that. No matter which way I turned, I saw Townsends.

Metaphorically. Literally, I saw Nickie Sage, looming large in the rear-view mirror. She was shuffling across the car park, achingly slowly, her face pink under a big floppy hat. She reached the back of my car and leaned against it, and I could hear her laboured breathing through the open window.

‘Nickie.’ I got out of the car. ‘Are you all right?’ She didn’t respond. ‘Nickie?’ Up close, she looked like she might be on her last legs.

‘I need a lift,’ she gasped. ‘Been on my feet for hours.’

I helped her into the car. Her clothes were soaked with sweat. ‘Where on earth have you been, Nickie? What have you been doing?’

‘Walking,’ she wheezed. ‘Up by the Wards’ cottage. Listening to the river.’

‘You do realize that the river runs right past your own front door, don’t you?’

She shook her head. ‘Not the same river. You think it’s all the same, but it changes. It has a different spirit up there. Sometimes you need to travel to hear its voice.’

I turned left just before the bridge towards the square. ‘Up here, yes?’ She nodded, still gulping for air. ‘Perhaps you should get someone to give you a lift next time you feel like travelling.’

She leaned back in the seat and closed her eyes. ‘You volunteering? I didn’t imagine you’d be sticking around.’

We sat in the car for a bit when we reached her flat. I didn’t have the heart to make her get out and walk upstairs straight away, so instead I listened while she told me why I should stay in Beckford, why it would be good for Lena to stay by the water, why I’d never hear my sister’s voice if I left.