Mare Moody - [blank]

"Kane, I can't be with you," I say, avoiding his long, fixed stare.

"Why?" His voice is soft, sincere and debilitating. Seven years of memories always crush my soul when I see him. Goddamnit.

You can be with him.

I swallow through my dry throat and look at him. I have to say this into his deep, brown eyes for me to convince him— and myself.

"Kane, you have done too much to me. You can't kidnap me, rape me, abuse me and still have my love."

His face is bereaved. I want to tell him how much he has flowed through my brain but I know if I do that I will again feel the effects of emotions. I can only handle so much in one day. He reaches out and touches my arm. His rough fingertips slide down my bare forearm. A shiver rises up my spine and I exhale heavily. His touch is too much for me. He looks at me with pure dejection in his eyes. He leans his head forward.

Do it.

I close my eyes and lean in. This is the last time I swear. His lips press against mine and my entire body is refreshed. I can feel the lingering bitterness wash away. I lose track of any anger and I fall back under his spell.

"Ana?" I hear another voice blare through the room.

It snaps me out of my faux bliss. I open my eyes and pull out of the kiss briskly.

"Noah?"

He stands stiff, shock written all over his face. In his shaking grip is a bouquet of baby's breath; my favorite.

"Is this Kane?" He is hurt and he has every reason to be.

"I-uh." I stumble trying to explain my wrong doing. If it is a wrongdoing. I honestly don't even know anymore.

"Who is this?" Kane demands.

"He's-um," The word vomit returns.

"Alright," Noah dolefully replies, "Message received."

He turns around, and starts to walk out. He stalls for a second. He looks at the trash can in front of exit for a moment before chucking the beautiful flowers into it. He sighs so deeply that it can heard throughout the visitor's center. As the nurse opens the door for him, he mutters a thank you. Something tells me that this is the last time I am going to see him. I hope not. My heart is in more knots than it was before. Kane stands before me and Noah has disappeared from me. This is the exact opposite of what I intended to happen when I left my neighborhood.

"Who was that?" Kane's anger is growing.

"He's nobody," I assure him. I know if I told either of them the realities of my relationships, they would both leave me. They may leave anyway at this point.

Kane's face rapidly cools. In a split second, he changes to a calm, collect man. He steps closer to me and throws his arms around me. He holds me in a tight hug. My mind twists and I search for a reason for his vanishing temper. His face gets close to my ear.

"If you ever see him again, I swear to God I will kill him." His teeth clench and all of the anger I just saw pushes into my ear.

He pushes out of the hug violently and steps away from me.

"I'll see you later," he says cheerily. A smile returns to his face and his cheeks rise to show his dimples. In his eyes I can still see his temper dosing his brain in evil ideas. He turns and walks out of the room, not even gesturing to the nurse who opens the door for him. I am thoroughly scared what this man can do. Whenever I fall back in love with him for even a second, his psychopathic side creates so much fear in me that it is impossible to feel love towards him… yet I do. What the fuck is wrong with me.

I think of Noah. I had it all with him. He cared. He never talked down on me, abused me or told me how useless I am. We had history, just not as entangled as Kane and I's. The sunset lit our faces and the house around us became so small that the only thing we could do was get closer. His rough hands resting on my thigh, lovingly stroking it. His hearty laugh echoing when I made fun of his egg making abilities. We would sleep in on saturday's; our son would climb up the side of the bed and curl between the two of us. Him and I would make eye contact and a deep understanding would flow between us. I have put all of that at risk. I have put him at risk.

I feel the tears begin to shed. This is the sunset of my life. I can never have either of my greatest wishes.

"What was that?" Brook asks as we back down the hallway. I want to be as far from the visitors center as possible.

"Just some guys from back home," I say.

"Some guys?" Brooks laughs. "They were having a war over you."

"It's fine," I bark. "Don't worry about it."

"Woah, sorry," Brook says, holding his hands up, surrendering to my anger.

"Whatever." I speed ahead and double-time it to my room.

I need to get out of here. I need to get back to the word and hide out at Tabitha's. There is no telling what Kane is going to do to Noah. Even though he said this as a warning to not see him, something tells me that Kane will hurt him regardless. I want to warn him but at the same time I really don't want to show my face to Noah ever again. He is too hurt for me to even attempt an apology. However, not calling him could result in his demise. I would blame myself forever if Kane actually murdered Noah.

These hallways get easier to maneuver through watering eyes. The adrenaline pumping through my veins jump starts my memory and forces to remember where my room is. I'm not supposed to go back in the middle of the day but I am not going to any bullshit therapy after that. The only therapy I need is sleep therapy—also known as sleep.

My feet pound against the tile and my room comes into view after a few turns through the warren. I grab the doorknob and try to open it. It is locked. Everything overwhelms me. My body starts to convulse and tears stream down my face at their own pace. Hundreds fall at a time as my face grows drenched. My muscles tense and my knees grow weak. Once again, I fall into a crumpled mess. I don't know how I have managed to fuck up this hard. I have led one of the only people I love into a life of fear and possible homicide. Whatever I do, I make mistakes. I can't not. I am attracted to the chaos for no other reason than the fact that I am mentally debilitated.

I sit against the door, my knees pulled up against my body. I lay my head into my knees. My eye sockets fit perfectly on top of my knee caps. My tears flow into my pants. The wet fabric slowly rubs against my eyes and irritate them further.

"Ana?" I hear Nurse Juay voice and I peer above my knees. "What are you doing?"

"I want to go to sleep," I say harshly.

"You have to go to Dr. Simmons office," she tells me. "Let's go."

I stand up and grab at the door knob again.

"No. Let me sleep."

"Ana, let's go."

"I already saw him today," I yell at her. "Why do I have to see him again?"

"He needs to see for something. It's important."

Tears flow harder when I realize that my sleep therapy won't be available until tonight. Goddamnit. I hate this place. I still have another 24 hours in this hell.

"Fine."

I grit my teeth, wipe my face and follow her. My swollen eyes, irritated face and bawled fists all give her red flags. I hope to God that she doesn't attempt to tell Dr. Simmons to keep my longer. I would only get more angry which would result in more time being added. I just want out.

I follow in her footsteps despite my displeasure. The corridor seems to get smaller and the space easier to remember. We stop at Dr. Simmons office and I walk in. I throw myself down into one of the chairs in the waiting room. His door is slightly open and I can hear yelling inside. I can't make out words but whatever conversation is taking place is obviously one of great animosity.

"Fine." I hear someone yell.

The door swings open and Brook marches out with a red face and pursed lips. He sees me and his face relaxes for a moment. Our eyes meet and his deep, green eyes cry out for help.