Mare Moody - [blank]

He looks at me. I hate his gaze. It is a gaze of meat. He simply sees me as a doll. A sex machine. I will never see his love shower on me. His stare slowly makes me more uncomfortable until I need to get dressed to get the feeling of his look off of me.

I get out of his bed and walk past him. I only walked here in a long shirt. He approaches me after I have my shirt on. He places his hands on my face and gazes into my soul with a new emotion.

In a split second, his entire gaze has changed to something of mystery. His thumb brushes against my cheek. His hands are soft. Is this love? His rough hands hold my being and without his security, I am nothing. I know his power; he could break me in two if he dares to. But I don’t care, he can break me a million times and I will still run back to him.

I can’t resist those brown eyes that are filled to the brim with curiosity and beauty. He has a spell on me and I let it happen. I hold his hand and breathe in his life. I feel the earth revolve around us and I feel as if together we can rule the world.

Nothing can stop the dynamics of love except love itself. I dreamt and dreamed of a time that we would be together without impediments, just full of love and no remorse between us.

Yet dreams are dreams and I know none of that is to be. Still, my mind craves it. It craves the sweet taste of lust and wants after the rush of love that swarms our warm bodies when they connect.

I strive, I live, I remain on that one strand of hope.

Every day I wake up alone but every night, I feel something new.

His words are like precious diamonds. I yearn to collect every single one of them and never let them go. But I know that it won’t last long. The love became complex and cannot be felt unless certain circumstances let it.

I have pushed on despite this. For 7 years, I have stayed in the paper house on the beach of my dreams, just waiting for the tide to blow me away. One single breeze finally blows in my soul and I feel the words form themselves.

“I’m sorry,” I whisper in a small voice, “I can’t do this anymore.”

I can feel the pain sweep through the room. He looks wounded, yet almost angry. I have never seen this expression before. It is intimidating but with this man, it is still drawing me towards him.

There is still something in him that I love. Something untouched and pure. It resembles light. It is beaming and every time I look at his unholy face, it blinds me. This is not simple love. I cannot have it.

“That’s just it?” He says, spitting out all of the promises he had made.

My soul sinks and my aura cries. I simply nod. My mouth cannot muster up any vowels to explain how I feel and I don’t dare try.

I can see small tears develop on the sides of his gleaming brown eyes that I had fallen so in love with. He hangs his head and all of our memories rush down. He winces in pain.

We stand in pure, painful silence.

Suddenly, his fist bangs on his knees. His eyes look up at me in fury. He is not upset because he loves me, he is upset because he no longer has something to have sex with.

My stomach drops as I see a whole new side of a gentleman. One who does not know how to love. One who does not know how to hate. He simply knows how to feel the way he is feeling and nothing else. This time he is feeling angered.

“You,” he speaks sourly, “it was you.”

I look at him with a confused yet loving glance.

“You!” He cries out.

“Me?” I ask, slightly scared. I have never seen a man in so much turmoil.

“Yes! You! You ruined me.” He guts out his throat with these words. He speaks it so harshly, it seems as if he was going to spit out his tongue.

I swallow all of my words and stand silent. I have no idea of what this man will be capable of when he is angered but I know that my sorrow fate will soon be fulfilled through this man of uncontrolled spite.

“Look,” he says, holding back the anger that his aura is throwing at me, “Can I have one more kiss?”

I look up at his eyes. I know I shouldn’t have. Those brown globes of faux innocence always make me rethink everything.

I can vividly see what they looked like on that day that I fell. They were filled with respect and love. Love that his aura offered to my broken conscious. I could not resist.

He leans forward. I have no fears. I feel my heart skip a beat. I want it but I don’t. My love screams but my hate yells over it. My heart belongs in different places. It is covered in ice. Part of me hates his soft lips and beautiful face that rubs so tenderly against mine. Yet another part wants it so.

I hold my breath and he feels me recess. He wraps his arms around my waist to prevent me from walking away from his demons but still, they swarm him evermore and the more I try to stop kissing the master, the more I kiss on.

Woe to the moment that I could’ve let go. Woe to that one last breath I took while I still had myself. Woe! Woe to the greater man who decides that I am the great one he will love to bite! To the one, he will love to create a memory out of! Woe as I stand here while he presses his body against mine and slowly seduces my physical body into his trickery.

Sorrow fills my entire existence when he lets the kiss go and pushes me onto my fate. I feel the fabric under me as my still body is shoved onto the bed.

Finally, my mouth speaks, “No.” I say.

He looks at me with a malicious grin.

He moves ever so on top of me.

I try to move my body out from under him but all of his weight presses down.

“Kane!” I cry out as he starts to unzip his pants.

“Shh…” He shushes me softly, the sin lingering in his voice.

He slips his hand over my mouth to rid of any protest I might create. I cry out with no reply and I can feel his demons by my side.

His hand is cold like his soul. I can feel his aura coming off of his hand, it is so strong. He is mad, he is vengeful, he is broken just like my love for him is about to be.

He presses more of his body on top of me as he pulls up my shirt. I kick my legs to stop him but his knees lock mine in place and I am immobile.

I cry into his hand. He can feel my tears but this only fuels him more.

“You DESERVE this.” He spits in my face.

Slowly, his other hand slides up my leg and touches me. I cry more. I don't want this. I can’t have this.

Then with one swift, sinful, vengeful movement he is inside of me, taking away any purity that remains in my abused body.

He fuels his energy with hate. His member feels like a pure yet dirty craze. I hold myself and howl and scream. I finally found myself joining everything underneath. I feel dead inside. All I can do is accept that it is over.

My dreams have blown away like the sand in a low tide. My tears have become nothing more than treasures to him and his aura becomes stronger as he continues on.

I feel the rhythm he is making inside of me. It beats through my heart.

I sob and sob but nothing stops the man until nature itself when he finally takes his unholy member out of me.

He immediately gets up, unguilty. He does not look at my wet face or my abused part. He places his eyes on anything but.

He stands up.

Not one word is spoken between us.

I was obeying the abuser and the abuser had his way with me.

Not one hint of love remains in the room. The demons that follow us laugh at me and the scars that would be there for the rest of my life taunt me.

My legs melt under me like an old candle but I have to muster up the strength to get up. I have to get home.

I close my eyes and focus. I focus on anything but what had just happened. It is like this every time. My thoughts begin to cool as I think of leaving this town. The plane ride will shake my everything and I know that that is exactly what I want.