Кэйго Хигасино - The Name of the Game is a Kidnapping

“But that person, at least, will stay by your side. No matter how ugly of an old man you become, you won’t be alone.”

“In exchange, no matter how ugly of an old woman she becomes, I have to stay by her side. And sooner or later, you’re alone. Whether you’re married or not, it’s the same.”

“But wouldn’t you have your kids? Even if your spouse passes away, your family would still be there.”

“Is that right? Look at me,” I pointed at my chest with my fork. “I have parents. But I’m living alone like this. I haven’t called them in years. Is a son like that family to his parents? It’s as good as not having me.”

“Even if you’re not home, they know you’re somewhere. Maybe your parents are satisfied with just that. Maybe they enjoy just imagining the kind of life you’re leading.”

I snorted and brought the coffee to my mouth. She looked at me as if to say, What’s so funny about that?

“I didn’t think you’d be telling me about the importance of family.”

Juri cast down her eyes. I’d poked her where it hurt.

I crushed the egg yolk and mixed it with the ham, then put it in my mouth.

“Why don’t you talk to your parents?” she asked, still facing down.

“I have no business with them — that’d be the most accurate way to put it. They’re just a nuisance to me. Sometimes I get a boring call about clerical stuff and once that bit is over, we have nothing left to discuss.”

“Where’s your family home?”

“It’s in Yokohama. Around Motomachi.”

“That’s a nice area.”

“Girls always say that. Walking around there on your boyfriend’s arm and being born and raised there are different things.”

“Do they have some kind of store?”

“My father was an ordinary white-collar worker. Nothing to do with the Motomachi shopping street at all.”

“Is your father still working?”

I shook my head. “Actually, he died. When I was in elementary school.”

“Oh... I see.”

“My parents got divorced. I was taken in by my father. But he died of illness so I was returned to my mother. At the time she was back at her family’s house, so I lived with them.”

That household ran a furniture store. It was a pretty famous store locally. My grandfather and grandmother were in good health and living with their oldest son’s family. So my mother and I had joined them. My mom helped with the shop and also handled the housework. I never felt unwanted there at the house my mother had been raised in. It wasn’t just my grandparents who were affectionate toward me, but also the eldest son and his wife. They had a daughter and son, and neither treated me like a freeloader.

“But I noticed eventually. It was a manufactured peace.”

“What do you mean?”

“In the end, my mom and I were just a nuisance for them. Of course we were. A divorced woman with a child living with them indefinitely, family or not, was a nuisance. In particular, I wasn’t related by blood to my aunt, so no wonder she was annoyed. She didn’t show it clearly on the surface, but you sense that sort of thing. When I really watched her, though, I saw that we weren’t the only ones she was two-faced with. My aunt was a rock-solid person who was also a gifted businesswoman. The one managing that store wasn’t really my uncle but my aunt. The employees trusted her more, too. That made her confident. She didn’t just stay behind the scenes and bossed around her husband and father-in-law. I don’t think my grandparents found it amusing. They were trying to find a way to reinstate their wobbly son. But this uncle of mine was really worthless. If he came across a bothersome situation, he hid behind his wife. It must have been frustrating for my grandparents, but they’d retired. If their daughter-in-law was maintaining the store, even if they hated it, they had to be civil. Thanks to all that, various vibes swirled in that big family.”

In concluding my lengthy response, I added, “Boring stuff.”

“It’s not boring. So then what did you do? I think it must have been hard being considerate among those kinds of adults.”

“It wasn’t hard. I was bewildered, but once you figure out how everything works, it’s easy. The point is that I sensed there were rules. As long as I followed those rules, it wasn’t difficult at all.”

“Rules?”

“Everyone wore a mask to accommodate the situation. You couldn’t do anything that would remove our masks. Reacting strongly to someone else’s actions was pointless. After all, it was just a mask. So I decided to put on a mask, too.”

“What kind of mask?”

“In a nutshell, the most appropriate mask for the situation. As a kid, it meant fulfilling adult expectations. Although that didn’t simply mean being a good boy. When I was little, I wore the mask of a mischievous child; after some time, I wore the mask of a rebellious teen. After that, the mask of adolescence. The mask of a young man pondering his future. In any case, it had to be a mask that was familiar to adults.”

“Unbelievable...”

“It was no big deal. And wearing a mask is just easier a lot of the time. No matter what anyone says, the other person is talking to a mask. I can just stick my tongue out under it, and in the meantime, I can think of what kind of mask to wear next to make them happy. Human relationships are cumbersome things. But by adopting this method, it becomes nothing.”

“You’ve been doing that ever since?”

“I’ve been doing that ever since.”

Juri put her fork down and hid both her hands under the table. “It seems kind of lonely.”

“Does it? I don’t think so. To begin with, everyone wears a mask to some degree in going about their lives. Hasn’t that been true for you, too?”

“I wonder...”

“It’s an unlivable world otherwise. If you expose your true face, you don’t know when it’ll get pummeled. This world is a game. It’s a game where, depending on the situation, you put on the relevant mask.”

“The mask of youth, huh.”

“What did you say?” I pulled back my fingers from my coffee cup. “What did you just say?”

“Nothing.”

“No, I know I heard it. The mask of youth... Why do you know the name of that game? It hasn’t come out yet.”

I glared at her. After averting her gaze for a moment, she looked up fearfully. The pink of her tongue peeked out between her lips.

“I’m sorry. I looked.”

“At what?”

“At the stuff lying around. The stuff on your computer.”

I sighed and put my fingers around my cup. I sipped some coffee. “Did I not tell you not to touch my stuff?”

“That’s why I’m apologizing. But you have to understand. I wanted to know more about you. What kind of person you are. And how you were born and raised.”

“Everything to know about me, I just told you. I wasn’t really happy, and I wasn’t especially miserable.”

“Your mom right now?”

“She remarried when I was in high school. He’s a company man who deals with construction materials. He’s a quiet person, and he was kind to me—” I shook my head and corrected myself. “He wore the mask of a kind man, is what I should say. And he’s probably continuing to wear it now.

“That’s all there is to say about me,” I concluded. Juri didn’t ask anything more. I regretted drawing out my reminiscences.

After breakfast, I returned to the CPT Owners Club on the internet. There was a new post there.

24 hours (Julie)

Good morning. Even though I prepared the money, suddenly the agreement got postponed. Boo. I’m kind of pissed off, so I’ve decided to put a 24-hour time limit on it. If they don’t contact me by then, I just might to have to go to you-know-whom!