Джеймс Чейз - The Way the Cookie Crumbles

Edris lost colour.

‘You wouldn’t kid about a thing as important as that?’ he asked huskily.

‘I start work at the bank tomorrow.’

Edris took in a deep breath and suddenly grinned. He clapped his hands together and threw back his head and let out a piercing yell. He sprang up onto his desk, and from the desk, he took a flying leap onto the table and then back onto the floor. He began running round the room as if he were demented, screaming, ‘Yipeeeee! Yipeeeee!’ until Algir, grinning with excitement, grabbed hold of him and threw him into an armchair.

‘Shut up, you crazy bastard,’ he said. ‘You’ll have the cops up here.’

Edris, panting, grinned at Algir, his little eyes sparkling.

‘I told you, didn’t I? I told you she was smart! I told you she was right for the job.’ He sprang up and grabbed Ira around her waist and waltzed her round and round the room. Algir, still grinning, got out of their way. Finally, exhausted, they fell onto the settee. Framing Ira’s face with his stumpy hands, Edris bestowed a smacking kiss on her forehead.

Giggling, she shoved him away and sat up.

‘You beautiful doll!’ Edris exclaimed, sitting on the floor and gazing up at her. ‘So you’ve done it! Tell me. How did you fix it so fast?’

‘It was easy. Poor Papa has a lovesick spinster chasing him,’ Ira explained. ‘He takes his troubles to her. After I had spent nearly two weeks in a mood, playing pop records and being thoroughly bloody minded, poor Papa begins to worry. So he calls in the spinster, and believe it or not, she said just what I knew she would say.’ Ira jumped to her feet and pointed dramatically at Edris. ‘That girl needs occupation. Put her to work in the bank, ol’ pal, ol’ pal. That’s what the girl needs: occupation and companions of her own age. Papa fell for it. He said if I really wanted to work in the bank, he would fix it. If it would make me happy, I could start tomorrow.’ She made a grimace, distorting her face. ‘Work! Why do these squares always harp on work?’

Edris howled with laughter.

‘But it will make you happy, baby! You’ll be close to all that beautiful money! Oh, doll, how I wish I were you! Think of it! Nine to six every day surrounded by billions and billions of lovely, crinkly money!’ He sprang to his feet and rushed at her, throwing his stumpy arms around her waist, he pushed his face against her breasts. ‘Baby, I love you like I love myself,’ he crooned.

Ira shoved him away so violently, he lost his balance and sprawled on the floor.

‘Keep your hands to yourself!’ she snapped. ‘And keep your distance!’

He blinked up at her, then forcing a rueful grin, he got slowly to his feet.

‘I didn’t mean anything, baby,’ he said, going to his armchair and sitting down. His fall had shaken him a little. ‘I was only fooling. It’s just my way.’

‘Well, it’s not mine!’ Ira snapped and flopped onto the settee.

Algir watched all this, a sneering expression on his face.

‘When you two have done messing each other around,’ he said, ‘suppose we talk business?’

‘Did Devon say in which department of the bank you’d be in?’ Edris asked.

She shook her head.

‘I have an interview with the Staff Manager tomorrow morning. He’s the guy who says where I’m to work.’

‘Don’t forget to tell him you can handle adding machines,’ Edris said. ‘I want you in the accounts department.’ He leaned forward. ‘What we have to find out before we can make a move is where the dead safes are.’

‘What do you mean. dead safes?’

‘Safes that are not used over a long period. There are plenty of them in the bank. I’ve heard people talking in the restaurant about them. These Texas oilmen rent a safe when they come here on vacation, stuff it with money, then go back home and leave the money in the safe until they come back for another vacation. Once you get the run of the accounts department, you’ll be able to find out the numbers of these safes. They’re the ones we want to get at.’

‘You’re crazy!’ Algir put in angrily. ‘Even if we know the numbers, we can never get at them. That’s the safest bank in the world! They have a twenty-four hour guard and it’s crawling with alarms!’

‘Who said anything about getting near them?’ Edris said, grinning. ‘You’ll hear all the details of my plan when I’m ready. This is an operation that works in carefully planned steps. First step: to get her into the bank. She’s in tomorrow. Second step: to find the dead safes. Third step: to find out their system of renting a safe, about the keys and the guards. Step by step, it’s the only way to swing this job.’

‘She could take weeks to find out all that,’ Algir said, looking worried.

‘These things do take time,’ Edris said airily. ‘But even if it takes a year it will be worth the wait.’

Algir started to say something, then seeing Ira was watching him with cool, disconcerting eyes, he got to his feet and made for the door.

‘When do I go into action?’ he demanded, pausing at the door.

‘Could be the fourth step,’ Edris said. ‘Be patient, Phil. The pay-off will be beautiful.’

Algir glared at him, hesitated, then went out, slamming the door.

‘What’s biting him then?’ Ira asked.

Edris shrugged.

‘He’s never happy if he isn’t spending money. Right now, he hasn’t any money to spend.’

‘Just where does he come in on this?’

‘You’ll see. He’s as essential to the plan as you are, but in a different way. How are you making out with Devon?’

She shrugged indifferently.

‘I keep out of his way as much as I can.’ She leaned back against the settee. ‘I didn’t think it would be so damned dull living in a rich man’s house. I hope this isn’t going to last too long. I’m crazy with boredom.’

Edris studied her, his eyes suddenly hard.

‘You can’t expect to pick up fifty thousand bucks without working for it. What’s the matter with you? You’ve got clothes, a car, a fine home, money. What more do you want?’

‘I know all that. I just get bored. that’s all.’

‘Okay, get bored. It’s better to be bored than hungry, dirty and skint. Just remember that. And listen, Ira, watch it! Don’t start looking around for your kind of fun. You step out of character and you’ll be fired out of the bank faster than a sputnik. That bank’s as respectable as a church. If you weren’t the daughter of Melville Devon you would never have got in. And don’t kid yourself. They’ve checked on your school record. Norena’s record. She worked damn hard and was as respectable as a nun. She was just the kind of creep they want in the bank, and remember, you are her now. You get drunk, fool with boys, get laid and they find out. Bingo! We’re all out of business.’ He sat forward, his face puffy with congested blood. ‘If we come unstuck because you can’t be bored for a few weeks, the newspapers won’t dare print the details of the things I’ll do to you!’

She sat motionless, looking into the vicious eyes that glared into hers, then she got to her feet.

‘Don’t threaten me, Pint-size,’ she said, with arrogant contempt. ‘There are things I could do to you the newspapers wouldn’t print either.’

Edris suddenly laughed.

‘Baby, you have loads of guts. I love you, but remember what I’ve said: be bored and be careful.’

‘Don’t expect to see much of me after today,’ she said, moving to the door. ‘I’m a working girl now. When I have something for you I’ll call. So long, Ticky,’ and she let herself out of the apartment, closing the door softly after her.

A little after ten o’clock on Sunday morning, Mel Devon pulled up outside Judge Ansley’s house and tapped the horn button of his Mercedes convertible.