Филип Керр - A Five Year Plan

Dave considered the suggestion carefully for a second or two. Why not? Being a high-class jewel thief would do very nicely for the kind of litmus test he had in mind. After all, if she was prepared to take on a cat burglar then she ought to be prepared to take on a pirate, or whatever you wanted to call a guy who took down a score on board a ship.

‘I’m perfectly serious, Kate.’

Still trying to keep her good humor, Kate’s smile became a little strained. She said, ‘To be quite frank with you? I’ve never seen myself in any of Grace Kelly’s roles. For one thing, I’m a much better driver. For another? Well for another, does that film have a happy ending or not? I can’t remember. And wasn’t Cary Grant a reformed jewel thief trying to clear his name?’ She stopped, exasperated, good humor disappearing now. ‘Jesus, David, you don’t do this kind of thing to a girl you’ve just fallen in love with. You know, when people get married and they say for richer, for poorer, for better, for worse? There’s nothing about for right and for wrong.’ Now she was feeling anxious. Like she’d won the lottery and couldn’t find her ticket. ‘It’s not supposed to happen like this. Look, maybe you got the wrong idea about me. That Rita Hayworth, Gilda thing last night? It was just an act. I’m just a small-town girl. From T’ville, remember?’

‘What happened to the girl from the Space Coast?’

‘Houston, we’ve got a problem. I think the rocket just blew up on the launch pad.’

Dave kissed her again, as if to reassure her. Then he said, ‘Are you sure about that?’

‘No,’ she said weakly, and kissed him back. ‘But I’ve got a feeling I’m not going to land on the moon. My guidance systems have gone haywire.’

‘You just need some time to get them realigned, that’s all. You can still complete your mission.’

‘If you say so.’ Kate smiled wryly. ‘Listen to me, Dave. Can we talk sensibly for a moment? This isn’t a movie. This is real.’

‘What’s real? Someone once said that we wouldn’t know how to fall in love if we hadn’t read about it first. Well, it’s kind of the same with movies. Maybe even more so. Sometimes, when I look back on my life all that I can remember are the good movies and favorite TV shows. Most of the best times I’ve had have been in movie theaters. I think that’s true of people everywhere, Kate. Some of our most extraordinary experiences are in the movies. Not watching them, you understand, because if it’s a good movie, it’s like you’re part of it. Now that’s what I call virtual reality, not some motorcycle helmet you have to stick on your head to see the hand in front of your face.’ Dave shrugged. ‘So, what’s real? I don’t know. What I am sure about is that things are only as ordinary as you want them to be. If you want your life to feel as exciting as a movie, then that’s the way you’ve got to live it.’

Kate laughed and kissed him quickly.

‘OK,’ she said. ‘What have been your most extraordinary experiences?’

Dave thought for a second. Then he said, ‘Walking into town with the Wild Bunch. Easy riding a motorcycle alongside Captain America. Running north by north-west from that crop-dusting airplane. Being seduced by Mrs Robinson. Escaping through Vienna’s sewer system. Showing a clean pair of heels to a ten-ton rollerball in an Inca temple. Riding a chariot against Messala in the Circus at Antioch. Destroying the Death Star with my last missile. Playing chess with Death. Kissing Hedy Lamarr. Kissing Grace Kelly. Kissing you.’

‘You’re right. You have had an interesting life.’

‘It’s like I told you, Kate. Everyone has movie moments they remember. And this can be one of them. If you want it to be.’

‘You could be right,’ said Kate. ‘But like you also said, I need some more time to think about how I’m going to play this particular scene.’

‘Don’t take too long about it,’ urged Dave. ‘In a few days we start shooting.’

Guests arriving on board the Jade entered an atrium incorporating a life-size sculpture featuring a naked girl being penetrated from each end by two well-endowed men. The sculpture, which was also the logo of Jade Films, was executed in considerable anatomical detail; this, and the ‘organic’ staircase surrounding it, provided the yacht’s focal point. Greeted by Rachel Dana and her crew in the spectacular reception area in front of this atrium, the guests were each handed a glass of Cristal and told that movies were on continuous show in the special theater that was to be found at the top of the curving mahogany staircase.

As soon as Al saw the sculpture he felt sure this was a party he was going to enjoy. A wolfish grin spreading on his blunt features, he said to Dave, ‘Will you take a look at that fuckin’ artwork? Boy, I sure wish Tony was here to see this. He’s a real art lover. Buys quite a bit of sculpture himself. He’d love to have that in his collection.’

‘Sounds as if Tony’s a regular Solomon Guggenheim,’ said Dave. ‘I bet he’s got Norman Rockwells, Dali prints, Tretchikopfs, everything.’

‘He knows what he likes, y’know?’

‘When it comes to buying art, nearly everyone has the same problem,’ said Dave.

Others arriving at the party looked at the sculpture and seemed less certain of enjoying themselves, among them Kate and Captain Jellicoe.

‘It’s by Evelyn Bywater,’ explained Rachel. ‘An English artist.’

‘Don’t you mean proctologist?’ said Kate.

‘Her work is very well known throughout Europe and the Far East. She’s is something of an institution in Japan.’

‘Is that institution as in mental institution?’ said Kate and left Jellicoe’s side to go and talk to Sam Brockman.

‘Jesus. What’s wrong with her?’ said Rachel. ‘You’d think she’d never seen a naked human body before. What about you, Captain? Do you like our work of art?’

‘Well,’ he swallowed. ‘I know nothing about art. We see very little of that kind of thing in the Merchant Navy. But I do have some rather nice prints in my cabin. Old schooners, tea clippers and British warships. But nothing like that. No indeed.’ Jellicoe frowned. ‘What sort of films does your company make anyway?’

‘There’s one showing upstairs, if you’re interested.’

‘Seems hardly sociable to clear off upstairs,’ Jellicoe said stiffly. ‘Television killing the art of good conversation and all that sort of thing. I’ve only just got here.’

Rachel took his arm in hers, and said, ‘Come with me. I think you’ll find it interesting. Most people seem to think our films are actually an aid to conversation. Kind of a therapeutic thing, y’know? It’s not like television at all. And you wouldn’t have seen any of our films on TV. I can guarantee it. We’re much more video-oriented.’

She led Jellicoe up to the viewing theater under the envious eyes of Kent Bowen.

‘It’s OK,’ Kate told him. ‘She’s taking him up to the viewing theater, not her bedroom.’

‘They’re screening movies up there? Jade movies?’

‘I thought that would interest you.’

Sam Brockman raised his eyebrows and said, ‘What are they showing?’

Bowen laughed coarsely. ‘It’s not re-runs of The Brady Bunch, you can be sure of that.’

‘Jade Films are in the hard-core porno market,’ said Kate.

‘Is that so?’ Brockman sounded genuinely surprised. ‘You know, I’ve never seen a real porno movie.’

Bowen glanced at Kate, teetering on the edge of ridiculing the Coast Guard lieutenant before suddenly realizing that this could work as a strategy to circumvent Kate’s contempt. He said, ‘You know something, Sam? Neither have I. What do you say we go and take a look for ourselves?’