Amaury Dreher - Opalescence - The Secret of Pripyat

I approached him, suspicious, but determined to get it over with. I was physically diminished by those days of effort, deprivation and nights spent outside, but my survival instinct guided my strength. Fear and rage multiplied the intensity of my punches. I kicked him hard, disfiguring what was left of his face. Blood spurted and splashed from the ice patches around us. I was determined to reduce it to a pulp. But Oleksandr was tough and fought hard. It was difficult for me to struggle with his sturdy build, and his apparent indifference to his own pain.

The silence of our battle contrasted with its prodigious violence. Oleksandr hadn’t even screamed when he met the barbed wire. He had remained impassive, absorbed in his murderous madness. He was hiding his suffering, but I knew I had reached him. On the other hand, I felt that he was getting back on top. If he could get up, I wouldn’t have a chance.

I grabbed the fence that was strewn all over the ground and used it to strangle Oleksandr. Carefully, I pressed it against his throat, squeezing as hard as my muscles allowed. My fingers were bloody, the iron points were sinking through my gloves, slashing my skin. Insensitive to pain, I maintained the pressure. Oleksandr’s face was paler and more and more tense, I felt that the end was near. The blood was no longer flowing, and despite the night, I could perfectly distinguish his ghostly skin tone. He tried to say a word. His lips trembled as if ready to formulate final syllables. I finished it off with an uppercut in the brow bone. The hemoglobin had spurted out in the area. Oleksandr was no longer struggling and was not exhaling any breath. He was covered with bruises. His breathing had stopped, his eyes had definitely closed. This time it was for good.

I got up and fled without further delay, still dizzy with the outpouring of violence that had taken place. Already, a dark and familiar paranoia was rising in me. I was convinced that I would be found. Oleksandr’s allies would seek revenge.

I wanted to get rid of my bloody gloves. I didn’t even know if the blood that covered them came from me or Oleksandr. I filled them with a few stones and threw them into the river below. With a breathless breath (“le souffle haletant”), I retreated into the forest.

My legs were shaking to make me lose my balance. I had killed a family man with my punches and a barbed wire. My bloodthirsty instinct had gone wild and I had taken over a life. What kind of people had I become?

The Zone had made me unconscious of my actions while exacerbating my own violence. Oleksandr had certainly attacked me, he had wanted to kill me. But I could have fled, left the Zone once and for all, come back to Vienna and put an end to these stories. However, I had decided to stay and kill him. I no longer knew who had attracted who, who was the real enemy in the Zone. Oleksandr, Amanda and the Howler had perished. Now it was just me and Andrei left. At this point, he must have fled far enough. He had put all the chances on his side. The scoundrel! The most harmless of all…

I hurried ignoring my sore legs and the biting cold. I was thinking at full speed: “The hospital basement, the invincible door… it was obvious.”

I rushed through the forest, crossing the ravines, piercing the branches. I only had one name in mind: Kopatchi.

I remembered the meeting with Oleksandr. Did I really hit him hard enough? Had I managed to strangle him as I wanted? Yes, I think this time was the right one. I was convinced I had killed him. He had to be killed twice, the guy was tough. Now I was convinced, he would slowly rot, devoured by worms. I didn’t come back to Kopatchi for the sake of his memory. I had something to recover, something very desirable.

The building I was looking for was easy to spot. It was of medium size and rather precarious, its shape contrasted with the surrounding houses.

The kindergarten had a basement that had never been used before. It had partially collapsed and access was difficult. I took the flashlight and rushed through a small broken window. The place was despicable and repulsive, so it was perfect to hide what I was looking for.

I started crawling in the dirt, avoiding the rotten wooden planks. The interstices brought me light and revealed columns of radioactive dust that warned me. I finally spotted the little red canvas bag. It was buried and almost invisible. I was short of breath and my lungs were dirty. I palpated my discovery, caressing its purple case, as if it contained a sacred relic. My fingers could guess the key that resided within it. I had succeeded in doing so.

I was trying to get out of this filthy place. Everything around me was just stinking and desolate. I finally managed to get out. I was covered with dirt, snow and filth.

A distant noise came to me. I heard discussions in English. Tourists were approaching, I didn’t want to meet them. I cleaned my clothes one last time before fleeing through the trees.

I had to locate Andrei, ask him for help. Only he would know how to get into the hospital in Pripyat and access the damn corridor.

I decided to return to the railway line near Yanov, where his fetish car was located. As I expected, Andrei was hanging around. He was true to himself, with his detached look and his cigarette in his mouth. Distinguishing my swollen look and bloody hands, he called out to me:

—Is Oleksandr dead?

—I killed him,” I replied laconically.

—Admirable.

He punched me in the face and knocked me down. His velocity was such that he had to have premeditated his action. I was rolling on the ground, breathless and vomiting blood. He held out a hand to me, then helped me up before hitting me again, this time in the chest. I collapsed once again. I was too weak to react. I was only enduring, I no longer wanted to fight.

Andrei stooped down to my height and glanced into my gaze. His eyes were shining like headlights. He sketched a smile, revealing his lower jaw and a line of yellowed teeth. He had picked up the little purple bag that had fallen out of my pocket. Disgust overwhelms me.

“I never would have succeeded without you, thank you my friend!’.

It was with these last words that he vanished, abandoning me to my regrets and a hatred that I knew was insurmountable. Andrei had the key. He had spared me with a smile, but I would have preferred that he had killed me with a stabbing weapon.

I got up as best I could, struggling to regain my senses. The air was heavy, conducive to turmoil. I tried to reassure myself, to hold on to some hope. The tears came to my cheeks. I was exhausted and grieving. Suddenly, I fell to my knees, contracting all my muscles until I blocked my breathing. My lungs were still panting and my throat was still tied by fear. I took one last breath.

The howl pierced the trees and was heard throughout the entire Zone. It had interrupted the flow of watercourses and swept away the murmurs of the wind. For a moment, I was able to interfere with the passage of time. I had stopped the elements and contained the ground forces in an unparalleled roar. For a moment, I felt victorious in a fight that I had never stopped losing. In that very tiny second, I had finally been able to triumph, exult and abolish the rage that had been bleeding me for too long.

Unfortunately, slowly, silence came again, destroying my cry, my survival.

5 February, first discoveries of the city.

The night was clear and strewn with subtle clouds. I was wandering in Kiev with a relaxed mind. I particularly appreciated the evening atmosphere punctuated by a few light breezes, which slipped at regular intervals. Despite the late hour, the heat was still heavy and strolling around the Dnieper was very pleasant.