Amaury Dreher - Opalescence - The Secret of Pripyat

Feeling the sleep gain me, I knelt in the grass to finally spread my arms and fall asleep serenely.

I was awakened by the first light of day. I was barely standing when strong headaches were already raging against me. The atmosphere of the place seemed totally different to me. The night had changed my perception of the environment. The humidity was now tenacious and unpleasant. I was going through an experience that was radically different from the previous day. Anguish had taken over from wonder. Methadone boxes were lying on the ground while a smell of urine stank the air. The structure around me was threatening to collapse and stimulated my claustrophobia. Why did I sleep here?

I hurried out of the tower to walk towards the shore. I had not had time to fear this eventuality, but it hit me hard: the raft had disappeared. I had yet firmly secured it, it could not be extracted only by the force of the water. Someone must have stolen it during the night…

It was still very early, the light was low and the workers’ working day had not started. I could take the overland route that led directly to the reactor and its sarcophagus. Yes, but the dogs… those damn gatekeepers would spot me and jump on me. My skin would be lacerated, my face bruised by bites. No, no and no. No way I’m considering that option. There was still the river. After all, the distance was more than adequate. The current was very low. It was possible.

The headache was threatening again. Like a vulture, it hovered over me, delaying my decision. I took a long breath before throwing my head in first. The shock was severe. I violently pierced the icy water, undulating the body and extending my arms to finally reach the opposite shore, the limbs sore, but safe and sound.

I was thinking about that damn raft… Who took it? I had to take him back to the Howler. He would certainly hate me. I didn’t want to upset him. He was probably the person I appreciated most in the Zone, the person in whom I had placed the little trust I was able to have.

I was thinking of admitting to him the evil that was plaguing me. He would not judge my paranoia or increasing schizophrenia. Maybe he could help me? Maybe he would know how to fix my memory. I had my doubts, but I was trying to convince myself. I kept in me this thin hope, this naive will to find a way out, to alleviate my distress. I wanted to eradicate the violence that lay within me. I was undecided. This state of hesitation made me anxious. Finally, I opted for wisdom, I chose to go talk to him. I went to his cabin, my heart gasping and my clothes soaking wet. He was absent.

23rd day in the Zone.

Andrei had never left the Zone before. He seemed very nervous when I met him at the agreed meeting place. He chewed his gum in a frenetic and particularly exasperating way. His attitude kept me irritable. He called out to me:

—Did you have a good morning?

I could tell from the sound of his voice that he didn’t care about the answer. The tone was wrong, the smile forced. He was outplaying camaraderie, I could feel that a certain tension was driving him.

—To be honest, I hesitate to leave the Zone. I’ll come back later, probably in the fall.

Obviously, my uncertainty did not seem to appease him. His nervousness seemed to have increased in intensity.

—Look, I’m not sure that’s a good idea. We started something, now we have to finish it, and this before the end of winter. After that, hordes of tourists will come and it will probably be too late. Especially since we are not the only ones looking.

—Yes, of course, but…

—We trusted you, cut Andrei. Oleksandr was initially reluctant, but I immediately believed in you. I’m the reason you’re with us. You owe me gratitude.

—Okay, maybe, but… wait a minute, you’re working with Oleksandr now? I don’t understand, do you…

—At this point, we can no longer afford to fail!

—You know, I have an existence outside. I didn’t really come to the Zone for that!

He blew loudly and became threatening.

—So that’s it, you’re going to go back to your little life as a wealthy man, take care of your brilliant career and let us die here? You supposedly came to investigate the Stalkers, the truth is you yourself became one. We told you our secrets, we trusted you. Now all you’re gonna do is lay your article and wallow in your miserable little life? No, believe me. You will never stop being haunted by your nightmares. The evil you suffer from will survive. Sooner or later, you’ll regret this decision. Your anguish will chase you down. Never, oh no, you will never be at peace! I remind you that Amanda is dead!

He had a black eye and frowned eyebrows. I remained marbled in the face of his provocations. He continued:

—Who took you for a ride in the Zone? Who took you to the hospital basement? Who saved your life by pulling you out of the Red Forest? No, believe me, it would be better if you stayed with us.

I was at the very least confused. I didn’t know how to react and the discomfort was noticeable.

—What exactly do you want from me? I thought you weren’t interested in the treasure?

—You know very well what we’re looking for. Help us, that’s all we’re asking you to do. Trust me, it’s the best thing to do if you want to get out of here alive.

I remained mute, a little surprised by the turn of our conversation. Was it the same person who accompanied me during my debut in the Zone? Faced with my vindictive silence, he offered me a cigarette, almost as a sign of appeasement. I was both angry and guilty. After all, it’s true that I owed him a lot. I felt like a stowaway, an illegitimate explorer, who did not deserve to take part in this exciting treasure hunt to which I had been invited.

Basically, I could leave. It was so easy. I had no kind of influence here. Life would go on. Every morning, the dawn would rise over the Red Forest. The big wheel still on its steel legs would watch over the city, stoic in the wind, without emitting the slightest sign of weakness, without producing the slightest squeak. Duga would keep his mystery and secret aura. The Azure pool would keep in it the memories of thousands of children, including myself. The proud and elderly Babushkas would perish peacefully near the plots, their homes that they had never consented to abandon. As for me, I would leave. It would be a pitiful debacle, yes, but I would quit the Zone. I’d go back to where I ran away from. I would face this morbid daily life that I had wanted to forget. And I would win. Yes, I think I would succeed. At least I would survive. I wouldn’t kill myself, I don’t have the courage.

Andrei had left and abandoned me to my dilemma. Above me, the sky was threatening. The croaking of crows irritated me. I had always hated those creatures. I was thinking that they were probably happier than me.

I ruminated tirelessly. Andrei was a coward. He was a weak spirit governed by a lack of courage. He wanted to succeed without getting involved. He was no better than Oleksandr. Both had only had to influence me to reach their end. I was thinking that I hated them; yes, I despised them. I didn’t need them.

I grabbed a branch and smashed it on my knee to break it. “Fuck them.” I exclaimed as I clenched my teeth, the rage was spreading inside me like a virus. I picked up a second branch and crushed it against a trunk with all the anger I could handle. Sweat was running down my forehead. The headaches were back. Carried away by the anger, I had laminated my gums. My teeth had pierced the flesh and caused blood to flow on the ground. The once so pure snow was now stained by my fury.

My anger took a few minutes to fade. My ears could tell something apart. A discreet sound was emerging. I heard footsteps. Boots made the powder crunch. The process was slow, confident. A silhouette was approaching. The individual was dressed in a beige Chapka that almost completely masked his face. Lurking in a bush, I tried not to give any breath. The man was on the phone, but I couldn’t clearly distinguish his words. He turned his back on me and sat on the snow with his hands together. He seemed to think for a few minutes and then got up, starting the hundred paces. His indecision contrasted with his apparent calm. He finally put his bag on the ground, and took out a small silver drone that he had taken off quite easily. The machine was extremely quiet. It was important not to lose sight of it, otherwise it was difficult to detect. I immediately recognised the aircraft. It was the one who had been watching me when I buried the body, the same as the one in the Red Forest. For fear of being discovered, I tried delicately to get away.