Gillian Jackson - The Accident

The move was imperative due to the increasingly frequent visits by heavies from the loan company I’d unwisely borrowed from, and the fact that the landlord was threatening eviction for non-payment of rent. It was what our mother would have called a ‘moonlight flit’ and in reality our new address was in fact a hiding place. The living conditions were far from desirable, but they were safe, even though we’d been unable to bring with us anything which did not fit into the car. We were living in a rented shoebox of a flat, with windows which didn’t close properly, damp in all the rooms and yellowing wallpaper. The close proximity of the railway lines ensured our sleep was regularly broken, and our relationship was becoming strained. We constantly snapped at each other over the slightest little thing.

We convinced ourselves this was just a temporary blip in our circumstances and things would improve soon, as they had in the past, but we were wrong. After three years of living hand to mouth, we were both angry at the world for the way we perceived we’d been treated, yet neither of us was prepared to take any kind of job which we considered beneath us as a way to alleviate our circumstances. Instead, I’m ashamed to say that I feigned a back injury in order to claim benefits and Pam took to shoplifting to provide her with the luxuries she coveted and which she convinced herself were necessary for her happiness. Still it was not enough and we were forever looking for the golden opportunity which we felt one day would come our way.

Oh Joe, how low we had sunk, love and respect for each other had long disappeared and I was beginning to loath Pam almost as much as I loathed myself.

When we received your letter telling us that Alison had died in an accident, I was devastated for you but then Pam began to work on me. She thought this could be our chance to improve our lot in life. She convinced me that you would be compensated from the accident and would probably gain from Alison’s life insurance. Pam’s permanently sour expression lifted and her features became quite animated as she snatched the letter from me to read for herself. Sadly, that was probably the moment the ‘plan’ began to form, and that’s when we decided to attend the funeral.

After that debacle I felt such shame at how crass and insensitive we’d been but Pam was fuelled with anger and couldn’t settle, determined to come out on top, at any cost. It was just silly talk at first, drunken ramblings, I didn’t think she was seriously considering murder. However, Pam persuaded me to go along with it, not simply with her talk of your money and home but with her usual goading and belittling me. I should never have listened to her but I was so low and rose to her challenges to ‘be a man for once’, and so I did it, or so I thought.

Driving back to Eastleigh, I felt a sense of complete self-disgust and deep regret at what I’d just done. I had murdered my only brother.

Things happened swiftly after that and my hatred of Pam was building inside, a cancer eating into me. The only relief I found was when we came back to Greater Manchester and discovered that you were alive. Conflicting emotions battled inside of me but the primary one was of relief. That’s what’s given me the hope that I might be able to turn my life around, so I’m leaving Pam, on the quiet of course. She would never willingly let me go. I’m just waiting for my opportunity, when she’ll be out of the house for long enough to allow for my escape.

And so, Joe, I don’t know what you’ll think of this letter, an excuse, an explanation or just the ramblings of a bloody fool? Whatever you think, I hope that someday we will meet again and begin to heal our traumatised souls together. But whatever happens, I am so, so sorry.

Your penitent brother,

David

Joe was exhausted by the time he finished the letter. His emotions were still conflicted but if anything, it made him long even more for his brother to still be alive so that they could talk things through properly and start again. But it was too late, Pam had had the last word on David’s future. He’d failed in his attempt to escape from her.

Joe pocketed the letter and then searched everywhere else he thought there might be important documents, but found very little. Two out-of-date passports, a couple of empty cheque books, several old bank statements, and a post office savings account from thirty years ago with less than five pounds in it, was the extent of his findings.

He put them all in a plastic carrier bag to take home for shredding, then found a roll of bin liners and threw in the worst of the rubbish lying around the flat. He filled a dustbin at the back of the building and left several bags beside it, hoping the rubbish would be collected soon.

After paying George Thompson off, Joe couldn’t wait to get away and drove back to the Premier Inn where he ordered a large whisky in the bar.

He hadn’t realised how extreme his brother’s circumstances had become, but if he had, would he have behaved any differently, could he have done anything about it? Joe would never know; it was too late now, and David was dead. He would arrange the funeral in due course as, like in Alison’s case, an inquest was to be held, meaning a delay in the body being released. It seemed that this and paying off his debts, was all that Joe could do for his only brother.

Hannah followed the progress of Timmy’s Farm with interest, often turning to the Facebook page to read the regular updates. Now that her memory had returned, there’d been no doubt that she would attend their open day; she was far more confident and actually looked forward to meeting the Joneses.

Mel and Sam were keen to attend too, which delighted her, as she was only too aware that they would both be leaving for university in just a few more weeks, so any time spent with them was precious.

The night before the open day Hannah’s leg had been playing up. Phantom pains woke her through the night and she’d risen several times to walk around in an effort to ease the surreal feeling, eventually taking a tablet in the hope of sleep. The morning found her tired but still keen to visit Timmy’s farm and hopefully meet Alan and Cassie Jones, a couple who were elevated to the status of heroes to her mind.

On their arrival, Hannah was delighted to find parking reserved for disabled drivers which significantly cut down on the distance she would need to walk. The mood was decidedly festive, with bunting fluttering in the breeze and the unusually bright September sun bathing the whole scene with kaleidoscopic prisms of light. A party atmosphere buoyed the general mood and children’s laughter could be heard from every corner of the farm.

The whole area was incredibly busy. Both Hannah and her children happily dropped donations into the buckets and then moved on to learn more about this remarkable project, which touched them perhaps more than most, feeling something of a connection to the Joneses’ loss.

Mel saw Hannah looking at a couple with a new born baby and she squeezed her mother’s hand. Hannah knew that Mike and Sarah had had their baby, but she wasn’t ready yet to meet the child, as that would obviously mean meeting Sarah too. The divorce was, however, almost finalised and thankfully it had been amicable, as she’d wished.

Mel and Sam had been to visit Mike and Sarah in their new home and Mel had tentatively told Hannah all about her new sister. Hannah pleased that Mike’s relationship with the twins seemed better than ever and happy to see Mel taking so much pleasure in her half-sibling.

Sam picked up a leaflet with information on the farm and a layout diagram, and proceeded to steer his mother and sister in the direction of the animals. Volunteers were at hand to answer questions and tell the stories of some of the farm’s residents, many of which were quite harrowing, but due to the work of the farm, now had a happy ending.