Gillian Jackson - The Accident

The office was in the throes of a merger with another local estate agent, an exciting time, most of which she’d missed out on due to the accident, but Hannah was now becoming fully involved with the changes. They were shortly to be moving into larger premises and Hannah, authorised with a generous budget, was given the task of deciding which office equipment and furniture they should take and what should be replaced, in keeping with their move up in the world.

It was a desk-based task but one she tackled with relish, throwing herself back into the work, so absorbed that at times she even forgot she had only one leg, until she moved without thinking and her prosthesis dragged her back, necessitating a conscious effort to walk with it. How much we take for granted , Hannah thought, until it is cruelly snatched away from us .

Arriving home after lunch on a Tuesday afternoon in late May, Hannah was surprised to find Mike waiting for her in the living room.

‘Hello, love, I wasn’t expecting you until tomorrow. Plans changed, have they?’ She was suddenly anticipating a quiet evening at home with her husband and mentally wondering what she could make for tea.

‘You could say that. Sit down, Hannah; I need to talk to you.’ Mike’s expression was grave, making her wonder what on earth could have happened.

‘What is it, what’s wrong?’ She searched his face but couldn’t read his thoughts and he was avoiding eye contact.

‘I can’t do this anymore.’ Again he couldn’t look straight at her.

‘Do what — what are you talking about?’

‘You must know. Us, the happy family bit... it’s all wrong, Hannah, and I want out.’

‘Is this a joke of some kind, Mike, because if it is, it’s not very funny!’

‘It’s not a joke. Surely you know that things haven’t been right between us for months?’

‘Is it because of this?’ She laid her hand on her thigh. ‘I know it’s been difficult for you but I’m managing so much better now...’

‘No, it’s not that. Things were all wrong before the accident. I was on the point of leaving before it happened ... and then, I tried, Hannah, I really did, but I just don’t love you any more, I’m sorry.’

Hannah couldn’t believe this was happening. Of course things weren’t as they’d been in the early years of their marriage, but life changes, relationships change.

‘But what about the children, are you telling me you want to leave us all?’

‘Yes, that’s exactly what I’m saying. The kids are grown up now, they don’t need me and they’re off to uni soon. I’ve not been happy for a long time and its surely better that we split up now while we’re young enough to make a fresh start.’

‘A fresh start! Mike, is there someone else?’ The thought hit Hannah like an avalanche. Of course there was someone else, the staying away from home all those nights, not wanting to have sex with her, it all added up and she felt suddenly very stupid, very naive. How could she not have worked this one out for herself?

Mike didn’t answer her and looked away.

‘Is there, Mike? Tell me. I want to know!’ she demanded.

‘Yes, there is.’

‘How long?’

‘We don’t need to do this, Hannah, all the sordid details. It doesn’t matter how long, I’m leaving and I think the sooner the better.’ He turned from her and went upstairs.

Tears were streaming down Hannah’s cheeks as she hauled herself up after him. The stairs were still a challenge, but she was determined to know exactly what had been going on, how big a fool she’d been. In their bedroom she was shocked to see Mike’s case open on the bed and almost full. A holdall was on the floor already packed. He was going, her husband was really leaving her!

‘It’s probably just an infatuation, Mike!’ She hated the note of pleading in her voice but surely twenty years of marriage was worth trying to save. ‘If you’ve only just met her it might not last, please let’s talk about it?’

‘I haven’t only just met her. It’s been two years now and I love her, I want a divorce, Hannah, so I can marry her.’ He kept his face turned away.

‘So you don’t love me anymore, is that what you’re saying, and the kids?’ She knew she was sounding desperate — but two years, she couldn’t believe it, how had she not guessed before now?

‘Of course I still love the kids and I’ll always be fond of you, Hannah, but I love Sarah and —’ He stopped suddenly and turned to look at her. ‘Look, I’m leaving tonight. I’ll stay and see the kids, you shouldn’t have to tell them alone, but my mind’s made up, I’m sorry.’

Hannah had a sudden impulse to whip off her prosthesis and whack Mike over the head with it. Didn’t he think she’d been through enough lately? Couldn’t he see that she needed him? She watched in silence as her husband emptied the last of his drawers. One suitcase and a holdall , she thought, it’s not much .

‘Where’s the rest of your stuff?’ she asked.

‘I’ve been taking a bit at a time.’ He sounded embarrassed.

‘But why do you have to marry her, Mike? What if it doesn’t work out, please stay and we’ll talk about it, we can get over this.’

‘I don’t want to stay! I’ve tried, Hannah, honestly, especially after the accident, but I know its Sarah that I love and ... she’s having a baby.’

Hannah flopped down on the bed, stunned. A baby? Mike had never wanted more children! When the twins were two, she desperately wanted another baby, her body was crying out to procreate again, but he refused emphatically, arguing that they already had a boy and a girl; they should be content with that. Reluctantly, she’d agreed, pouring all her maternal instincts into Mel and Sam, they’d always been her world, with Mike too of course.

A sudden thought popped into her mind.

‘This woman’s tricked you, hasn’t she? She’s got pregnant to trap you into marrying her! You don’t have to do it, Mike, we’ll work through it. You can still support the child; I’ll accept that, it’s only right.’

‘No, it’s not like that, we want a baby together. Sarah’s thirty-six and has never had children, we planned it. When we knew she was pregnant I was going to tell you and leave then, but ... well, the accident put an end to that and I tried to stay, to make it work, but now you’re back on your feet and Sarah needs me and that’s where I want to be.’

Hannah couldn’t believe this was happening, Mike willingly making a baby with another woman? No, it couldn’t be true! But he’d just told her it was, and he was leaving.

A deep feeling of humiliation washed over her, she’d begged him to stay. Even if it was only out of pity she wanted him to stay — how degrading was that? Did she really want a man who didn’t love her, who had planned a family with another woman?

She stood, mortified at her own pathetic behaviour, and went downstairs. Mike made no move to follow for which she was grateful; Hannah needed to gather her thoughts, to recoup some dignity before the children came home. At least Mike was staying to tell them himself, he could have taken the cowardly way out and left it up to her.

Hannah made coffee and, when Mike eventually came downstairs, she handed him a cup and sat in the lounge.

‘We need to decide how to tell Mel and Sam,’ she said calmly, more in control now, more rational, ‘but it can’t be now, they’re in the middle of their A-Levels, they need stability.’

It was obvious that Mike hadn’t considered this, he’d obviously had other things on his mind, like his lover and their baby. Her thoughts were uncharitable, but that was how she was feeling at the moment.

Her husband took the coffee she offered and stared into it as if it was a crystal ball.