Джанет Иванович - Twisted Twenty-Six

“I’m fine,” I said. “I just didn’t get a lot of sleep last night. I’ll be okay after coffee.”

“You need more than coffee,” Lula said. “You look like you need the rest of the donut box.”

I brought my coffee to Connie’s desk, poked around at the leftover donuts, and selected a maple glazed.

“Anything new come in?” I asked Connie.

“No, but I heard Charlie Shine is back in town. He was one of the La-Z-Boys until he jumped bail a year ago. It’s going around that he came back to pay his respects, but my Uncle Emilio says it’s about the keys.”

“Does Uncle Emilio know what the keys look like? What they open? Why they’re so important?”

“Only the La-Z-Boys know, and no one’s saying,” Connie said.

“Does anyone know where we can find Shine?”

“I bet he’s with his honey,” Lula said.

Connie and I went raised eyebrows.

“Shine has a honey?” I asked Lula.

“Hell, yeah. Darlene Long. She’s been sitting pretty, living the good life the whole time he’s been away.”

I got a refill on my coffee. “Isn’t Shine married?”

“I don’t know about him being married,” Lula said. “I just know about Darlene, being that we used to work together until she lucked out and got her sugar daddy. She retired to a nice apartment with an elevator, and I retired to this sucky job.”

I ate a second donut. “You know where she lives, right?”

“I went to a lingerie party there once. Darlene and me aren’t that friendly, but we get along okay. She worked on the second block of Stark, and I was further up Stark with the hardworking ’hos.”

“Shine was a mega-bucks bond,” Connie said. “There’s no guarantee that we’ll get it all back since it’s a year later, but it’s worth a shot.”

I hiked my messenger bag higher on my shoulder. “Let’s boogie.”

Lula and I went out to the sidewalk and stared at my car.

“You got the Buick,” Lula said. “I’m sorry, but that’s a hardship car. It got no sound system or anything. We’re gonna have to take my car.” She cut her eyes to the Rangeman SUV parked behind me. “ Hello! Who’s here?”

“Ranger thinks I need protection.”

“There’s two fine-looking men in that car. Maybe we should take that car.”

“I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

“I can see their muscles from here,” Lula said. “They spend time in the gym. I wouldn’t mind seeing more of what they got, if you know what I mean.”

“We’re supposed to be working. And they are definitely working.”

“And?”

“And they might be gay. You never know these days.”

“They aren’t gay,” Lula said. “I could tell a gay man. They got wonderful complexions. These two are blotchy. They don’t know nothing about skin-care products. I’m guessing they don’t exfoliate.”

“Well, I don’t want to ride with someone who doesn’t exfoliate.”

“Say what?”

“I’m not interested in Ranger’s men. I’m interested in Charlie Shine. Could we please get going?”

“Hunh,” Lula said, “you’re Miss Cranky Pants today.”

—

Darlene Long lived in a midrise condo building by the river. We parked in the condo lot and looked up at what we guessed were Darlene’s windows. Third floor, rear-facing unit. No balcony. Shine scrimped a little on his honey’s digs. Not that I should throw stones. At least she had digs.

“Now what?” Lula asked.

“Now we snoop around.”

We got out of the Firebird, and I told the Rangeman guys who were parked behind us to stay . I gave them the same firm voice and hand signal that I use with Bob.

“Does that work?” Lula asked.

“Sometimes.”

The building’s lobby was dated but clean and brightly lit. Tenant mailboxes were lined up in an alcove. Darlene’s name was on one of them. We took the elevator to the third floor and walked the length of the hallway.

“This is her condo,” Lula said. “It’s a corner unit. 304.”

We stood in front of the door for a couple beats and listened. We leaned in closer.

“I don’t hear anything,” Lula said. “Maybe we should kick the door in.”

“Maybe we should try ringing the doorbell and knocking first.”

“Sure. That would be another way to go.”

I rang the bell and Darlene came to the door.

She looked past me to Lula. “Long time no see.”

“I’ve been busy,” Lula said. “I’m in the law enforcement business. We got a lot to do.”

“We represent Charlie Shine’s bail bondsman,” I said. “Charlie missed his court date, and we need to get him rescheduled. We thought he might be here.”

Darlene managed a small smile. “Sorry I can’t help you. I haven’t seen Charlie in ages.”

“You don’t mind if we look around?” Lula asked her.

“Go right ahead, but don’t move anything. My housekeeper is very picky about things being out of place.”

“I have that problem too,” Lula said.

Lula lives in a one-room apartment on the second floor of a lavender and pink house. It used to have a bedroom, but she converted it into a closet, so now she sleeps on her couch. Her kitchen consists of a half refrigerator and a hot plate.

We checked out Darlene’s bedroom, bathroom, and kitchen. No Charlie Shine.

“It’s not like we doubted you,” Lula said to Darlene. “It’s just no stone unturned.”

“Of course,” Darlene said.

We left Darlene and returned to Lula’s car.

“Did you see how Darlene smiles at everything?” Lula asked. “Like she’s gracious, right? Real pleasant, even when she wants to stick a stake in your heart. That takes a certain talent. That’s how she got her honey. Always being nice.”

“Hard to believe someone like that.”

“You bet your ass. She was fibbing about not seeing Shine. That apartment reeked of old man.”

I hadn’t personally picked up any reeking, but it seemed logical that Shine was staying with or at least visiting Darlene.

I paged through Shine’s bond agreement. “He lists a house on Willet Street as his home address. Let’s take a look.”

Willet Street is on the edge of the Burg. I grew up in the Burg and I know a lot of people there, but I don’t know Charlie Shine or his wife.

Lula took State Street to Broad Street and left-turned into the Burg. “Do we know if there’s a Mrs. Shine?”

“There was a Mrs. Loretta Shine a year ago when this bond was written. She put her house up as security for her husband’s get-out-of-jail card.”

“So why doesn’t Vinnie take the house?” Lula asked.

“It’s not healthy to confiscate property owned by a high-ranking member of the mob.”

Lula followed her GPS instructions to Willet and parked in front of a small but neat two-story white clapboard house. The Rangeman SUV parked behind us.

“I’m starting to worry,” Lula said. “Ranger has these yokels following you around twenty-four seven. He must think you’re in a lot of danger. And since I’m sitting next to you, that could put me in danger. I wouldn’t be happy if I got killed ’cause I was sitting next to you.”

“And?”

“Just sayin’.”

“No one’s going to get killed. If anything bad goes down, I’ll get kidnapped and tortured while they try to extract information out of me about the keys.”

“Do you know anything about the keys?”

“No.”

“That’s not good. You’ll have to make something up and hope you die before they come back and torture you some more for telling a fib.”

“I’m glad you’ve thought this through for me.”

“I always try to be helpful. It’s one of my best qualities.”