Джанет Иванович - Twisted Twenty-Six

I rinsed out my coffee mug, told Bob to be a good boy, and walked to my parents’ house. I waved to the Rangeman guys and let myself in through the front door. My father’s chair was empty. My mom and Grandma were in the kitchen.

“The front door was unlocked,” I said. “I told you to lock your doors.”

“We don’t have to lock the front door,” Grandma said. “We got the Rangeman guys watching it.”

I tried the back door. It was unlocked.

“Must have forgot that one,” Grandma said.

I locked the door and hiked my bag higher on my shoulder. “I can’t stay,” I said. “I’m on my way to work, and I needed to pick up the car.”

“I guess your arm’s not too bad if you’re going to work,” Grandma said.

“It’s manageable. What are your plans for today?”

“I haven’t got much plans,” Grandma said. “We got laundry going, and after that we’re making meatballs for dinner. Crystal Buzick is at Stiva’s tonight. There won’t be much of a crowd, but I’m interested to see how they covered up the big mole she had on her chin. It was all lumpy and it stuck out something awful and it had hairs growing out of it. It’s going to take some skill to make that look good.”

I slid my mother a look that said don’t even think about sending me with Grandma to see the lumpy mole.

—

Lula and Connie were outside the office, staring up at the roof. I parked and went to stand next to them.

“What are we looking at?” I asked.

“Richie Meister,” Connie said. “We aren’t sure how he got up there, but it looks like he doesn’t know how to get down.”

“Hey, Richie!” I yelled.

A head with shaggy brown hair popped over the side of the building. “All the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t get Humpty-Dumpty down again,” Richie said.

“Richie’s been snarfing magic mushrooms,” Lula said.

“We should get a ladder,” I said.

“No need for that,” Lula said. “Mrs. Capello walked by and saw him up there and called the fire department. She said they got her cat out of a tree once, so she figured they could get Richie off the roof.”

We looked down the street toward the firehouse and saw that a hook and ladder was chugging our way. It was followed by a police car and an EMT.

“Seems like overkill, but I guess they gotta be prepared in case he turns out to be a jumper,” Lula said. “I like that they brought the hook and ladder. Shows that they take their job seriously. This should be real entertaining.”

The fire truck stopped in front of the office, and a bunch of guys in full gear got out and looked up at Richie. I knew one of the guys. Butch Kaharski.

“This is the third time this month we’ve taken him off a roof,” Butch said.

“Yo, Richie,” he yelled. “How’d you get up there?”

“My dragon dropped me off,” Richie said.

“Can your dragon get you down?” Butch asked.

“He flew away. I don’t know where he went. He’s sort of a free-spirit dragon.”

Butch turned to Connie. “Are there stairs to the roof?”

“No.”

“This building backs up to an alley,” Butch said. “We’ll drive the truck around and pick him off from there.”

Everyone got back into the truck, and the truck chugged around the corner. Connie, Lula, and I went into the bonds office and had a donut. After a couple minutes there was a knock on the back door. We all went to the door and looked out at Butch.

“There’s a dead guy back here,” he said.

My heart skipped a beat. “Richie?”

“No. An unknown. We found him behind the dumpster. He’s got a hole in his head. Do you want to take a look and see if you can ID him?”

“No,” I said.

“I’ll pass on that too,” Lula said. “I don’t like dead stuff. Especially people.”

Connie went with Butch, looked at the dead guy, and came back to us. “I don’t know him,” she said. “I took a picture with my phone, if you want to see.”

I looked at the picture. “It’s possible that this is one of the men who tried to kidnap Grandma. I remember his shoes. Red Air Jordans. And he’s the right size. I didn’t get to see his face.”

I called Morelli and told him about the body behind the dumpster.

“I’m already on my way,” he said. “I just got a call from the uniform who’s on the scene with you. He was at your parents’ house yesterday and remembered you talking about the red shoes.”

We went out and watched the ladder go up and Richie get helped down.

“This is a lot better than last time,” Butch said. “Last time he was naked, and no one wanted to bring him down. We had to draw straws.”

“The boy’s got a problem,” Lula said. “He needs to get a different dragon.”

We all nodded agreement.

“I suppose you’re going to want to wait for Morelli,” Lula said. “I hope he gets here soon because I’m in a mood to go after the shoplifter.”

“He said he was already on his way.”

“What do you think of my hair?” she asked.

Lula’s hair was cut short, dyed blue-black, and was totally slicked down.

“I like it,” I said.

“It’s one of them retro-French looks.”

“Yep. I can see that.”

“It’s why I’m wearing this little scarf around my neck. It’s the recommended accessory.”

Richie was on the ground, flitting around like a butterfly, flapping his arms. The first responders were standing back, waiting for him to get tired.

“I don’t know what he’s on,” Butch said, “but I want some.”

Connie went into the office and came back with the donut box. There were two donuts left. She waved the box in front of Richie and immediately got his attention.

“If you go in the truck with the medics, you can have these donuts,” Connie said.

Richie stopped flitting and took the donut box. “Yum.”

“We’ve got to remember to bring donuts next time we get called out to rescue a crazy,” Butch said.

Morelli angle parked behind the fire truck and walked over to us.

“Did Velez tell you anything?” I asked him.

“He met a guy in a bar, they got to talking, and the guy offered him a job. One-time hit. Fifty dollars.”

“That’s all? Fifty dollars?”

“Velez thought it was good money.”

Morelli looked over to the dumpster. Two legs were sticking out from behind it. Attached to the legs were two feet stuffed into red Air Jordans.

“If I was going to kidnap someone, I wouldn’t be wearing red Air Jordans,” Morelli said. “But that’s just me.”

“What else did you get from Velez?” I asked. “Did he know who wanted Grandma snatched?”

Morelli shook his head. “No. At least he didn’t say. It was hard to communicate since your mother broke his jaw and it’s wired shut.”

“Yep, she buys a quality iron. Heavy duty. She likes the one with the burst of steam.”

“I’m going to go do my cop thing,” he said. “Are you coming back to my house tonight?”

“Do you think I should?”

“Absolutely. You might need your dressing changed.”

“And you’re good at that?”

“Cupcake, I’ve got skills you haven’t even experienced yet.”

“We’re talking about my bandage, right?”

“Yeah, that too.”

Oh boy.

I moved over to where Connie and Lula were standing, and we watched Morelli walk away.

“That man is fine,” Lula said. “He’s got a good butt. There’s only one other butt in Trenton, maybe the world, better than Morelli’s butt.”

“Ranger’s?” I asked.

“Mine,” Lula said. “I have a magnificent butt.”

Connie and I looked at Lula’s butt.

“Impressive,” Connie said.