Даниэла Стил - Neighbors

“I retired because of your father and Justin, not for you. I can’t sell you on how hard I tried to be there for you when I was working, and I won’t try. If it wasn’t enough for you, that’s fair. You have the right to feel that.”

“Why are you doing this now?” Kendall asked her, still angry. “Are you sick?” Her mother was shocked by the question.

“No, I’m not. I wanted to clear the air, to give us a chance to be friends, or whatever you want to be. We don’t have to. We can stay just as we are now. I miss having a daughter, and a real relationship with you. And maybe you miss having a mother. I wanted to give us that chance.” And Kendall would never have done it. Meredith knew it was up to her, and was willing to try.

“I have Julia and George,” Kendall said harshly. “I don’t need you. You weren’t what I needed when I was young, and I don’t need you now.” It was a cruel thing to say, as Meredith looked her in the eye, but it was who Kendall was, and had always been, even as a child. She’d had a mean streak even as a little girl, and was harsh, except with her brother.

“I guess that makes it clear. Be careful you don’t do the same thing to Julia you’ve done to me, shutting her out.”

“If she’s not up to my standards, I will,” she said coldly.

“You’re not building cars, you’re talking about a mother and daughter. That’s a special relationship.” She was giving her every chance to reach out and she wouldn’t, and Meredith suddenly understood what Kendall had said to Julia, that it was too late. It wasn’t too late for Meredith. It was too late for her. She didn’t want to repair it. She had closed the door on her mother years before. Meredith looked at her. She didn’t feel defeat or despair, she felt pity for her. For whatever the reason, Kendall was someone who couldn’t forgive, and couldn’t love. You had to be able to forgive in order to love. She didn’t have it in her. She had rocks in her soul. Her mother had given her every chance to connect, and she could see now that Kendall didn’t intend to. Meredith meant nothing to her. She wondered if, when her brother had died, part of her had died too. Or all of her.

They both left their lunches unfinished, and Meredith paid the check. She understood now what Julia was up against, why she had fled to L.A., as her father had encouraged her to do. He was saving his daughter from his wife. She felt sorry for all three of them.

They walked out of the restaurant together, and Meredith looked at her gently. “I don’t know if you can hear it, but I do love you.” She had suffered so much when she lost Scott and Justin that it had increased the capacity of her heart. And with her lack of compassion and forgiveness, Kendall’s had shrunk. Kendall just looked at her mother and shook her head.

“I can’t, Mom. I’m sorry.” Then she turned and walked away. She was a bitter woman. Meredith wondered if she’d ever hear from her again. Every contact between them for years now had been forced. Kendall really didn’t want a relationship with her. It was a strange feeling as she walked back to the hotel. She wasn’t sorry she’d come. In an odd way, it was like a viewing, where you look at the body one last time before they close the casket. But it’s no longer the person you knew and loved. It’s just an empty shell.

She went to her room, and changed her reservation from Friday to the last flight of the day to San Francisco. She sent a text to Charles to tell him she was coming home. She had only been gone a day, and wasn’t in the mood to shop. And she sent a text to Julia that said only “I love you. Grandma.” It was all she needed to know, and the only thing she needed to hear. They had bridged the generations when they met in L.A. Kendall couldn’t do that, with either of them. She just didn’t have it in her. The tragedy was Kendall’s, not theirs. And they had each other now. She had lost Kendall, but she had found Julia.

—

Charles was waiting for her at the airport when she arrived. She hadn’t expected him to be there, and he could see in her eyes that something had happened. He didn’t want to ask unless she volunteered.

“Short trip,” he said as he took her bag from her, and they walked through the airport to baggage claim. It was late in San Francisco, and later in New York.

“I went to see Kendall,” she said on the ride home.

“I thought it might be that. How was it?” He hated to ask, but she looked peaceful and strong, so he hoped it had gone well.

“It was the way she needed it to be, and maybe I did too. We needed closure.” He nodded, and Meredith didn’t say more. She realized now that she had lost Kendall years before. She didn’t feel loss now. She felt free from the pain her daughter had inflicted on her for years.

Chapter 15

When Daphne came down to breakfast the next morning, there was a little pink teddy bear next to her place at the breakfast table, and an even smaller one next to it.

“What’s that?” she asked with a big smile.

“I promised you a surprise from New York,” Meredith reminded her. “The bigger one is for you, and the tiny one is for Martha.”

“She’s going to love it!” Daphne picked them both up and held them. And next to Will’s place there was a Yankees baseball cap. They both thanked her. It was the only shopping she had done in New York, at the airport. She didn’t want to disappoint the children.

She had done the rest of her Christmas shopping before she left San Francisco.

She and Charles were celebrating Christmas early. He was going to spend the holiday with his daughter and her family in Texas. Meredith felt that it was the wrong time for her to go. She didn’t want to intrude on their family Christmas. She and Charles were going to visit her for a weekend in the next few months. His son, Jeff, had just been transferred to Germany, and they were going to visit him later in the year. And Charles was coming back to spend New Year’s Eve with her. They were going to Napa, to his little house.

Julia was meeting her father in Aspen, to go skiing. Her mother wasn’t coming. Julia said she hated holidays and didn’t ski, and she didn’t like Aspen. Meredith hadn’t told her about her trip to New York and didn’t intend to. It was between her and Kendall.

She gave a dinner for the earthquake group before Charles left. Arthur was flying to Japan for a concert the day after Christmas. Peter and Ava were going to Tahoe while he was away, and Tyla and her children would be spending Christmas with Meredith.

They all toasted the earthquake that had brought them together, and exchanged small thoughtful gifts.

Meredith had a wonderful Christmas with Tyla and her kids. In the end, it was a peaceful, lovely Christmas. They went to mass on Christmas Eve, and ice-skating on Christmas Day in Union Square, and they made s’mores. Tyla and Meredith prepared the turkey together, and congratulated each other on how good it was. They watched Christmas movies with the children and ate popcorn.

Charles called her and told her how much he missed her and couldn’t wait to see her. It was a very nice Christmas, nicer than any she had spent with Jack and Debbie.

When Charles came home on the morning of New Year’s Eve, they drove straight to the Napa Valley, and toasted each other with champagne at midnight. He had told his daughter, Pattie, that he was seriously in love with Meredith, and she was happy for him. They were going to visit her soon in the New Year. Charles assured Meredith that she was going to love Texas, and she believed him. So far everything he had said to her had been true. And she was excited to meet his children.

—

Julia came up from Los Angeles in the second week of January, after she got back from Aspen. She was startled to realize that Tyla and her children were living there, and Meredith explained the situation to her. Julia liked her, and got along with her better than with her own mother. Tyla was starting her refresher course at USF nursing school in February, and her courses to become a nurse practitioner in September.