Даниэла Стил - Neighbors

Chapter 14

Meredith told Tyla all about her trip to L.A. and the time she had spent with Julia.

“She sounds fantastic. I can’t believe you haven’t seen her in that long. And you’re so good with kids. Your daughter was crazy not to let you be with her for all this time.”

“Kendall is a hard woman. She remembers everything and forgives nothing. She sees it all through her own lens, whether true or not. I’m sorry for Julia that her mother hasn’t softened over the years. Julia’s given up on her for now. And Kendall never humbles herself, nor admits it when she’s wrong.” Meredith was amazed that her marriage had lasted. George really must be a saint, as his daughter said.

Meredith coasted on the joy of their L.A. visit for days, remembering things Julia had said and smiling. She called Meredith twice, to tell her what she was doing and maintain the connection and the bond they had forged. It was something Kendall had never learned. Maybe it had killed something in her when her brother died. But Kendall was already twenty-six then, and a mother herself, which should have made her warmer, more forgiving, and more compassionate. It was as though there was a piece missing in her, a link that didn’t exist to connect her to others.

Meredith thought about it all week after she saw Julia, and made a decision that weekend. She didn’t think it would make a difference, but that didn’t matter. Kendall was never going to reach out to her. She had said so to her daughter. Meredith wanted to show her that it was never too late. Broken hearts mended. They had scars but they didn’t have to be broken forever. Life was a patchwork of pieces and broken bits that became beautiful when you wove them together. The beauty is in the tears and the embroidery you put over them. It’s the rents and the tears and breaks that make us who we are. Kendall had never understood that.

Meredith thought more about it over the weekend, and told Charles on Sunday night.

“I’m going to New York for a few days,” she said quietly.

“I wish I could go with you, but I can’t,” he said regretfully. It was getting close to Christmas, and his work always heated up then, finding the right security agents to accompany his celebrity clients to their holiday destinations. “Are you going for fun? A little Christmas shopping?” He had a feeling it was something more serious and he was right.

“I might do that too.” She smiled and kissed him. “I’ll tell you about it when I get back.”

“It sounds mysterious.” His curiosity was piqued, but he could see that she didn’t want to talk about it. She booked a ticket for Tuesday, and told him she’d be back Thursday or Friday, depending on how it went. Or she might turn around and come back in twenty-four hours.

She thought about it on the flight east, and she had promised to bring Daphne a surprise. They were excited about Christmas, and this year they didn’t need to worry about their father ruining it. Andrew was refusing to plead guilty, and was still at the locked psychiatric facility, being evaluated.

Meredith checked into the Four Seasons hotel in New York, and then she called her. She wondered how many days it would take to reach her, but it only took three tries. Kendall sounded surprised to hear her mother’s voice when she called from the hotel phone. They hadn’t spoken in three months. She hadn’t called back after the first time, after the earthquake, which didn’t surprise Meredith. She told Kendall she was in New York, and there was silence on the line. It was very different from Julia’s jubilant reaction in L.A.

“Would you like to have lunch or dinner, if you have time?” Meredith asked her. Kendall was like an animal in the wild. You couldn’t approach too quickly, or make her feel cornered. Like a panther or a leopard that would attack if you did. Or just walk into the brush and disappear.

“I think I can do lunch tomorrow,” she said coolly. “I’ll text you, I have to check. What are you doing in New York?” Kendall knew her mother hadn’t been there in fifteen years, and didn’t sound pleased to hear her.

“I had some things to do.”

An hour later, Kendall texted her, and said she could make it for noon the next day at Harry Cipriani at the Sherry-Netherland. She had purposely picked a place where it would be loud and hard to talk. Intimacy was not Kendall’s forte.

Meredith spent a quiet night at the hotel, thinking about what she wanted to say the next day. She called Charles to tell him she had arrived safely, and sent Julia a text to say hello. She got an instant response from Julia, saying hi and sending her love.

Meredith was waiting at the restaurant at noon the next day when Kendall arrived. She was wearing a serious black dress, pearls, and a mink coat, which aged her. She had grown up to be the society matron she wanted to be. And just as she had rejected who Meredith was, now Julia was rejecting her. It was the nature of life. Meredith hugged her and Kendall seemed awkward and stiff.

They were halfway through lunch before Meredith broached the reason she had come.

“I came to tell you that I love you. That however hard it’s been for us to connect, however many mistakes you feel I made, whether I did or not, I love you. That’s all. I know you’re angry that I blamed your father for Justin’s death. I don’t hate him for it. I think it’s sad that he let him go out in the boat alone. But destiny is what it is. And you were angry about the divorce, but that wasn’t my doing.”

“You could have let him come back,” Kendall said, her eyes still full of black fire.

“He never wanted to, Kendall. He wanted to marry Silvana. He told me that when he left. And once Justin died, it was a moot point, but I wouldn’t have taken him back anyway. The affair with Silvana had been too public. He wanted to burn all his bridges behind him, and he did. He’s still married to her so he can’t be too unhappy. You may have wanted him to, but he never wanted to come back to me.”

“Maybe if you’d been around more he wouldn’t have had the affair.” It was still a heated topic for her fifteen years later. Meredith doubted it would have been as heated with Scott. They had gotten over it. Kendall never had. The sack on her back was so full and heavy with past grievances that she had no room in it for forgiveness or love. Meredith wanted to help her empty it now, if that was possible, for Kendall’s sake, and Julia’s, and her own.

“Maybe you’re right. But his affair with Silvana, and how he conducted it, was his responsibility, not mine. In spite of it, I was fighting the divorce, but when Justin died, I knew I couldn’t forgive him for that, so I filed. I couldn’t stay with a man I couldn’t forgive. It would have been wrong and unfair to him.”

“Would you have stayed married to him otherwise?” she asked her pointedly.

“I don’t know. I don’t think he’s ever regretted the divorce, and I’m comfortable now. It was never your battle. You were a married woman with a child of your own when we divorced. We didn’t ruin your life. You had us at our best when you were a child.”

“If you can call it that. You were gone all the time, being a big movie star.”

“So was he. We alternated, equal time away. Why did that end up on my scoreboard and not both of ours? Why me?”

“I wanted you to be different than you were,” she said honestly. She had never admitted it before. “I wanted you to be like all the other mothers, not different and special, with everyone asking you for an autograph wherever we went.” Meredith nodded. She couldn’t change that now, or even then. “And by the time you gave it all up and went into seclusion, I didn’t care. It was too late for me.”