Даниэла Стил - Neighbors

“Do I hear a clock ticking?” She glanced at her bed table, and the same clock she’d always had was there. It was electronic and didn’t tick. “I don’t mean that one. I mean yours.” He knew women well enough, and what they expected.

“Oh.” She didn’t answer for a moment. He was handing her an opportunity, and she was afraid to seize it. It was too soon. She hadn’t even slept with Peter yet. “I don’t know…maybe…”

“I didn’t think you were there yet.” He sounded sad as he said it. They both knew what that meant to him.

“I wasn’t. I don’t know why, but I think the earthquake changed things. It shook me up.” He hadn’t suspected her interest in Peter, and didn’t consider him a threat. No money, a night guard for a blind old man, a novel he’d never get published. He didn’t see much there, neither the heart, nor the brain, by his standards. Andrew would have concerned him more. He was better looking than Peter, but he was no match for Joel either, in what Joel considered the real world. He assumed that Ava’s strange mood was about her, not other men.

“You know, even if you’re getting poetic about marriage, even if you find a guy and are married for fifty years, in the end one of you dies, and you wind up alone. What’s the point?”

“The fifty years before that, of companionship,” she said softly.

“We have that, you don’t need to be married for that, except if you want kids. And people don’t marry for that anymore either. Not that I want a baby.” They both knew he didn’t. He wanted a woman, and that was it. It was almost generic for him. He turned to look at her more closely then. “Is that what’s happening? You want to get married and have kids?”

“I think so. Eventually. I always thought I would.” He nodded. He had heard it all before from others, and he was glad Ava wasn’t given to scenes. She was a sensible girl he could talk to.

“So have we hit that wall?”

“Maybe,” she said in the smallest voice, feeling like she was on a roller coaster, panicked over what she was doing. She hardly knew Peter. Maybe she was insane to risk Joel for him. “I don’t know.”

“Maybe we should quit while we’re ahead,” he said quietly. “I didn’t see this coming,” he said with regret.

“Neither did I,” she answered, meaning Peter. She hadn’t seen it at all, until she walked out to the sidewalk, naked under her bathrobe, five minutes after the earthquake, and saw Peter looking at her with a stunned expression. If she was ever going to believe in love at first sight, he was it. The past month at Meredith’s had only strengthened their feelings for each other. And now she was putting her comfortable, easy relationship with Joel on the line. She thought she had truly lost her mind, and now she was about to lose her security with it. She had a little money put aside in the bank, but not much. She hadn’t started to save for her exit yet.

“I hate dragging things out till they get nasty. Been there, done that. And I saw my parents do it that way. By the time you get to where you are now, we’re screwed. Is that why you don’t want to come to Europe with me?”

“Maybe. I don’t know. It would give me time to think.”

“Don’t overthink things, Ava. It’s been terrific. We never thought it would last forever. I’ll be gone for two weeks. That’ll give you time to figure out where you want to go. Find a nice apartment. I’ll pay for the first six months, and the security deposit.” He’d done this before. And he would have paid a year’s rent if she asked him to, but she didn’t. He’d done enough in the last two years. She didn’t want to take advantage of him.

“Do you want me to move out when you’re gone?” she asked him, terrified of what she was doing, and wondering if she’d regret it. But it was going to end at some point anyway. He had never told her he loved her. She had said it to him, and thought she did when she said it. Now she knew she didn’t. She loved Peter, as she had never loved any man before.

“That’s probably a smart game plan,” he said about her moving out while he was away. He put an arm around her. “I’m going to miss you,” he said, as though she were an old friend leaving on a trip. “I never thought that the roof that would fall in during the earthquake would be us, but it was bound to happen sooner or later. That old expiration date. Suddenly one day it’s staring you in the face.” In his world that was how it worked for him. No woman was ever going to own him again. He didn’t care how much the relationship cost him, at least she wasn’t his wife, and he didn’t have to pay her a big settlement, or spousal support. No fuss, no muss, no kids, no bother. Thanks for a good time, and don’t let the door hit you in the ass on the way out. That was his take on relationships, and she’d always known it. She just hadn’t expected it to end so fast and simply. He was a businessman, and to Joel, everything was a deal that either worked or didn’t.

He tried to make love to her when they turned the lights out, and she didn’t want to. She had too much to think about now. He didn’t insist. He knew when it was over. It was like taking a jar of mayonnaise out of the refrigerator and finding that the date had expired. Oh too bad, and you threw it in the trash. And when you had time to think about it, you bought another jar of mayonnaise. They both knew that the end of their relationship wouldn’t kill them, but it was sad. A tear crept into her pillow, as she lay awake. She could hear him snoring, and he had already left for the gym when she woke up the next day. She tried to remember what had happened and what they’d said. Was it over? Is that what they had agreed to? He was leaving for London in a week, and she had to be out by the time he got back. She had no idea where to go. She wanted to tell Peter, but she needed time to digest it first. She needed to mourn it, just for a minute.

She had a missed call from Peter at noon when he was on his lunch break at work. He didn’t call her again until he was on his way to Arthur’s at five o’clock. Ava had gone for a long walk, and she sounded serious when she answered. Peter blurted out his news as soon as he heard her voice.

“Arthur says you can stay here whenever you want to.” He sounded jubilant, and she laughed at the irony of it. Whenever she wanted to? How many nights was that? She had to find a job and an apartment now, and had three weeks to do it.

“Joel and I broke up last night,” she said in a flat voice, which masked the panic she was feeling. She had traded a known quantity for a total stranger. But she had also done it so she could be an honest woman. A month of lying to Joel was enough, she didn’t want to lose herself.

“You what ?”

“We broke up. It’s over. I’m moving out.”

“Did you tell him it was because of me? Is he going to shoot me?”

She laughed at the idea. “He was fine. This was only temporary for him. He always said that.”

“Are you sorry?”

She thought about it before she answered, she didn’t want to lie to him too. That was no way to start. “Actually, no. Scared shitless of what I’m going to do next. I have to find a place to live, and I haven’t worked in two years, which is hard to explain, so people don’t think you were in rehab or jail.”

“I’m sorry. I know this is scary as hell, and it doesn’t seem like enough. But I love you, Ava. We’ll make it work somehow.” He would get a better paying job than the one at the magazine. His hopes and dreams were focused on his writing, but he had to be practical now too, for her sake.

“At least we’re starting clean. I didn’t want to lie to him anymore. It’s not right. You don’t have to worry about me. I can take care of myself, and the crazy thing is, knowing you for a month, and without ever making love with you, I love you too.” She was smiling when she said it. They were like two crazy kids in love. It felt like riding the roller coaster at the fair. They had ridden up, up, up the steep part, and now they were going to shoot down, screaming and terrified, clinging to each other…but if they survived, it was going to be fantastic. “We’re both nuts, but I love you,” she said, feeling breathless. “I’ll come by to see you later, if that’s okay,” she said. She was going to start looking for an apartment the next day. The roller coaster ride had started, and as they hung up, she felt insanely happy and like an honest woman. It was the best she could do for now.