Liz Nugent - Lying in Wait

Unfortunately, the ‘overdose’ only deterred Laurence temporarily. He was determined to go ahead with his plans to occupy Eleanor’s cottage. He tried to prepare me for his departure by inviting Malcolm over more regularly, as if Malcolm could ever replace Andrew, or Laurence.

Malcolm and I had not spoken of the Amy Malone incident since it happened. I told him in no uncertain terms that if we were to continue our relationship, he must never mention Diana’s name again. Laurence did not tell him about the pills, but Malcolm suspected there had been some setback to my mental health and urged me to go and see somebody professionally. I insisted that I had had a bad case of the flu. He and Laurence got on well and I asked Malcolm to intercede and ask Laurence not to move out.

‘Lydia, he is twenty-three years old. Do you think he will stay here for ever?’

‘Well, why wouldn’t he? Everything he needs is here in Avalon.’

‘Except his freedom.’

‘I don’t know what you mean.’

‘A young man like that, he should be able to entertain his girlfriends without his mother looking over his shoulder.’

‘But he hasn’t got a girlfriend. Not that I know of.’

‘That’s exactly my point. He’s a good-looking young man. If he doesn’t, he will soon, and didn’t you say that you never met the last girl? Bridget, was it?’

‘It was Laurence’s decision not to bring her home. I certainly never banned her from the house. Helen comes and goes as much as she likes.’

‘I’m amazed that you put up with her. She can be so ill mannered. I’m astonished that Laurence ever dated her.’

‘Helen is actually good for Laurence. You see, you don’t know a thing about him.’

‘I know that he wants to grow up and leave home, and I think it would be a positive thing for you if he did. I live just ten minutes away. I can be here whenever you need me.’

I didn’t need Malcolm at all, but I was too polite to say so. I had another plan to keep Laurence at home. It meant an almighty financial sacrifice, but we wouldn’t lose everything.

I went out one evening to visit my brother-in-law. Finn’s welcome was not effusive.

‘Lydia, what do you want?’ The disrespect in his tone was quite unforgivable, but I buried my dislike and got down to business.

‘Finn, I’ve been thinking about things and I can see now that I was wrong to think we should keep the cottage. I would like to do what you suggested and put it up for sale and split the proceeds.’

He restrained himself from dancing a jig right there and then. He called Rosie and I was invited to stay for dinner. What a spectacle that was. Yes, I had always wanted more children, but my children would have been raised well. Five of the eight children were present, two of whom were teenagers who seemed to be competing to see who could be the most sullen. Laurence was never like that, not until he was forced to move schools, and that was Andrew’s fault. The smaller children climbed over and under the table and flicked peas at each other like savages. In addition to the peas, dinner consisted of fish fingers and potato waffles, a whole new experience for me. Rosie was unapologetic. After the plates and the children were cleared from the room, she said, ‘I’m so glad you’ve made this decision, Lydia. With eight children, it’s quite a struggle, you know? We could really do with the money. The school fees are killing us.’

‘Yes, well, when we had to make sacrifices, Laurence had to go to a state school.’

‘Oh yes, of course I know, but it was Andrew who gambled the money. Finn had nothing to do—’

‘Let’s just put all that behind us,’ interrupted Finn, who must have noted my brittle tone.

‘There’s just one tiny problem,’ I said. ‘Laurence has become quite attached to the idea of living in the cottage himself, and as you know, the legacy is in his name. I have tried to make him see that the best thing, the fairest thing, would be for him to live at home.’

Finn and Rosie exchanged a look.

‘What exactly are you saying, Lydia?’

‘Well, just that I do not want to fall out with my son, so I’m hoping that you two could apply pressure without involving me.’

‘Oh, for Christ’s sake!’ said Rosie.

‘Rosie,’ warned Finn.

‘It’s outrageous!’ Rosie ignored him. ‘You should have sold that mausoleum of yours years ago. There isn’t even a mortgage to be paid on it! There would be plenty of money available for you and Laurence to buy perfectly decent homes. You stressed Andrew so much with all of your whims and demands about the upkeep of Avalon, and now Laurence has had enough of it too. It isn’t right that a young man like that should have to support his idle mother in her mansion. He wants out, and you are using us to get him to stay.’

‘Rosie!’ Finn raised his voice.

I ignored her completely and addressed myself to him. ‘If you can persuade him, we will both get what we want.’

Rosie flounced out of the room, slamming the door behind her.

Finn spoke quietly, deliberately. ‘My wife is right, you know. Andrew worshipped you. He thought you were the most beautiful creature he had ever seen. He even tolerated your phobias because it meant that he could mostly keep you to himself. He tried so hard to give you every damn thing you wanted, whether it was a diamond ring, or a fur coat, or lunch in the Mirabeau, but it was never enough for you, was it, Lydia? Even though I didn’t agree with it, my mother knew exactly what she was doing when she left the cottage to Laurence . Andrew would never have taken all those financial risks if it weren’t for you pushing him all the time. My mother was trying to save Laurence from you. If we didn’t need that money so badly, I wouldn’t think twice about letting Laurence have the cottage, but I will talk to him. You’ll get your own way again, Lydia, you always do.’

I had retrieved my bag and coat while he made his little speech. He had followed me out to the hall and down the front steps of their dilapidated house. I kept walking.

As it turned out, Finn and Rosie were not successful in persuading Laurence to give up the cottage. I suspect that they didn’t even try that hard. They had decided I was some kind of monster. My darling boy was now desperate to move out. And then Malcolm made everything considerably worse for me.

Laurence had not yet moved out, but he was coming home later and later, sometimes staying away overnight, without offering any explanation. I was careful not to ask questions, but I was sure he was sleeping around. On those nights, he ensured that Malcolm was there, but one night he arrived home at about nine o’clock and I could see from his face that something had happened. He found me in the kitchen.

‘Tell me about Diana,’ he said softly.

‘What?’

He took her framed photograph from behind his back and set it on the table between us. ‘Tell me about the day she drowned.’ He led me to a chair and gestured for me to sit down.

‘Why? I don’t want… What are you talking about?’

‘I remember when I was a child and I asked Dad about her, and he said that she’d drowned at the beach. He said that I must never ask you, because it upset you so much.’

‘He was right. I don’t want to talk about it.’ I made to get up, but Laurence blocked the doorway.

‘I’ve just had dinner with Malcolm. I can’t believe you have kept this secret from me for my whole life. He says I should ask you. It could really help you to talk about it. Tell me about the day Diana drowned.’

‘I don’t remember, I was just a child.’

‘He says you do remember, he says you can never forget it. He says she drowned, and that you blame yourself.’