Liz Nugent - Lying in Wait

Outside, I confronted Dessie. I was livid. ‘Don’t you ever do that to me again. You are only embarrassing yourself. I am not your property. I left you, and now I know for sure I was right to do it. Laurence is a friend, a friend who understands about Annie. He has a girlfriend who also happens to be a friend of mine. There’s nothing going on, and even if there was, it’s none of your business.’

‘It didn’t look innocent from where I was standing. Do all your friends kiss you?’

I was shaking with stress and anger, but I managed to walk away.

It was only later, on the bus to Athlone, that I thought about that strange kiss and the way he had said he was sorry. I thought that Laurence really was genuinely sorry that Annie had abandoned me. Or maybe he was sorry that he had kissed me, even though he had done it so innocently. I didn’t know what was meant by the kiss, if anything was meant at all, but I know I liked it. I liked the comfort of Laurence’s arms around me. I liked his kind eyes. I felt that he understood me, particularly about Annie. He had really gone out of his way. On weekends he had gone to garages down the country, and he had illegally pulled files from social welfare records to see how much money Annie had got when she was on the dole, and tried to reconcile it with amounts marked in that notebook of hers. Of course Bridget helped too, but I don’t think she was as interested. Laurence really cared. I felt bad for even thinking that way, betraying Bridget.

I got off the bus in Athlone late that Wednesday night and walked through the rain until I turned up at Bridget’s door. I should have looked up her parents’ phone number and called first. Her mother ushered me into the front room. She spoke in the exact same nervous, rushed way that Bridget did.

‘I recognize you from the photo! You’re Bridget’s friend Karen. Come in out of the rain! Did she ring you with the news? You’re very good to come. She’s devastated! Hang on there now till I call her down. You’ll have a cup of tea.’ And then she disappeared and I heard her shouting up the stairs to Bridget.

I was utterly confused. What was she talking about? Why was Bridget devastated?

When Bridget appeared, her face was pale and her eyes were red-rimmed. She was very surprised to see me.

‘Karen, what are you doing… how did you know?’

We exchanged our news and I realized why Laurence had avoided answering any of my questions about Bridget. He had broken up with her three nights previously. I tried to put the kiss to the back of my mind and comfort my friend. I explained that we’d had a letter from Annie postmarked Athlone.

‘What? But I thought you said she was dead? We were looking for the guy who killed her.’

‘I was wrong. She’s here. Or somewhere nearby. I’m going to look for her tomorrow, but I should get going. I’ve booked a bed and breakfast place down the street.’

Mrs Gough bustled in with a tea tray. ‘Mam, Karen can stay here, can’t she? She’s booked a B’n’B, but she can stay?’

‘Of course you can. You’ll be more than welcome, more than welcome. You are so good to come. We can make the same arrangement as the weekend – Maureen and Josie can share.’

‘Oh no, please, I don’t want you to go to any trouble.’

‘Hush now, girl. Sure, it’s no trouble at all. Oh, Bridget, she’s even more beautiful in the flesh. And you’re a model? Well, that’s no surprise. Sure, we’ve never had a model in the house before. Are you hungry? You must be. I’ll make you up a sandwich now. Bridget, light the fire for our guest. It’s freezing in here. Sure, you wouldn’t think it was the middle of summer at all at all.’ And off she went, a whirlwind of nervous energy.

Bridget and I smiled at each other. I used the Goughs’ phone to cancel the bed and breakfast.

‘I never told my mam about Annie. She wouldn’t understand – you know, about the drugs and… that, so she thinks you’re here because Laurence dumped me.’

‘It’s OK, I understand. I won’t mention her.’

She apologized that she couldn’t help me look for Annie the next day, because the town was too small and her parents would find out and she didn’t want to have to explain to them that I was the sister of a… she couldn’t find a polite word. I felt more resentment towards Annie, and a little towards Bridget.

Bridget and me sat up late that night by the fire, talking about Annie initially, but the conversation kept coming back to Laurence. Bridget had booked a week off work because she wasn’t ready to face him in the office. I wondered why Laurence had never moved out of home. It was a bit weird, though of course I was back living with Da. But I’d been out of the house for years until I left Dessie. I tried to ask about Laurence casually.

‘Do you think Laurence has told his mum about Annie? His dad is dead, right? What’s she like, his mum?’

‘I’ve never met her. That should have been a sign, shouldn’t it? I mean, if he had really been interested in me, he would have introduced me to his mam. I’m such a fool.’

It was strange that Laurence had never brought Bridget to see his mother after nearly two years.

‘I think she has that disease – you know, the opposite of claustrophobia.’ I had never heard of claustrophobia. Bridget explained. Mrs Fitzsimons apparently never went out.

‘What? Never?’

‘Well, she goes out to the shops and things, but she never leaves the house overnight. Never goes away for a weekend.’

‘And what’s the house like?’

‘I’ve never been in it. That should have been a clue too, shouldn’t it? He must have thought I wasn’t good enough. But I was curious, so I walked past it once. I couldn’t even see it from the gate. There’s a big avenue leading up to it. I’d say it must be huge.’

‘Don’t be silly, he didn’t dump you because you’re not good enough!’

‘Well, he was acting weird for the last few months. Definitely. I mean, he’s always been a little bit odd.’

‘What do you mean?’

‘When I first started dating him, he was really big – obese, you know? And then when he started losing weight, he got really fidgety. Even in the office, he’s kind of jumpy all the time. When he stayed over with me, he only slept about three hours a night. And over time he got more and more jumpy, but the last few months he’s just been…’

‘What?’

‘Hot and cold? And then he asked to come and meet my family. And I think after he met them, he thought that his mam would never approve.’

I had an uneasy feeling that Laurence may have dumped Bridget for an entirely different reason. I remembered the smell of his skin as he drew me in for that hug and the feeling of his lips on the crown of my head. I thought about all the times he had tagged along when Bridget and me were going to the cinema, or shopping. I’d felt like I was the gooseberry sometimes, but maybe it was Bridget who was the gooseberry.

Bridget burst into tears again. ‘What am I going to do?’ We talked it through. She didn’t think Laurence would reconsider their relationship. He had been very insistent there was no going back in their final phone call. She had to be realistic, she said. She was going to apply for a transfer to a different office. She didn’t want to have to see him every day.

I wanted to tell her that I’d met him earlier that evening, but something stopped me. There had been no real reason to meet. We could have had our conversation over the phone. I knew that by not telling her I was betraying our friendship. I knew that it was the start of something for me. And for Laurence.

The next morning I met the rest of Bridget’s family. They were lovely. The youngest girl, Josie, asked for my autograph. ‘I’ve never met anyone who’s been in a magazine before,’ she said.