Philip Kerr - A Philosophical Investigation

‘The police are now disposed to treat a number of random homicides of men, committed during the past few months, as the work of one individual. There are certain features of the killer’s modus operandi which lead us to make this conclusion. While we are unable to supply details of the murderer’s modus operandi for reasons of operational security, we can confirm, however, that all the victims were shot several times in the head, and at a fairly close range.

‘I am sure that I don’t have to explain to you all that, as is common with this kind of apparently motiveless crime, there is a paucity of facts as to the murderer’s identity. At this stage of our inquiry, where there are hundreds, possibly thousands of remote possibilities to be checked, the investigative task is comparable to searching for the proverbial needle in a haystack. Consequently, an advisory team of experts, chaired by myself, has now been set up with the aim of studying all the murders using the resources of the European Criminal Intelligence Service, and in particular, the ECIS computer system. For those of you who are not familiar with this particular system, the integrated European Computerised Intelligence Service performs the task of the police intelligence officer, supplanting human judgment with pre-set computer programs. It is hoped that this will provide the analytical capacity needed to determine if there is, for want of a better term, a centre of gravity for all these killings.’

Jake nodded at a couple of uniformed police officers to hand out copies of the ComputaFit picture which the police artist had produced with the help of Tony Chen. She had accepted the possibility that his unconscious mind might have been lying, but without the picture there was very little that might have justified her calling a press conference.

‘As a result of a description given to us by the killer’s last victim, Oliver Mayhew, before he died, we are now able to issue an artist’s impression of the killer. He is described as being aged about thirty-five or forty, of medium height, with wavy brown hair, blue eyes, sharp features and slightly built. When last seen, he was wearing a brown tweed jacket, white polo-neck sweater, brogue-type shoes, and carrying a beige raincoat.

‘This is an extremely clever and ruthless, possibly psychotic individual with whom we are dealing, and who kills without discrimination or restraint. However, it would seem that it is only men who are at risk. So I would urge members of the public, especially men, to exercise greater vigilance when walking home alone at night.’

That ought to piss him off, Jake thought. She raised her voice above the slight murmur that had followed the issuing of the artist’s impression.

‘Let me take this opportunity to scotch the rumour that any of the killer’s victims were selected by reason of a criminal record or their sexual persuasion. Or that any of them were murdered in response to an assault, an attempted robbery or a sexual proposition. There is absolutely no evidence to support the speculation that this killer is some kind of Hollywood-style vigilante. Nor is there any evidence that these killings are related to the criminal underworld. I cannot emphasise too strongly that these unfortunate victims were all, I repeat all, innocent men going about their lawful business when the killer struck. None of them had any reason to suppose that they had been selected by the killer. Moreover I am completely satisfied that none of them knew, or had ever met the killer before.’

‘I would also like to quash the rumour that the murderer has already been in touch with the police. This is completely untrue. There has been no communication of any kind whatsoever. But if anyone believes that he has information which might be pertinent to this inquiry I would urge that person to come forward and make contact with the police immediately.

‘Finally I want to address the killer. Whoever you are I urge you to give yourself up. I give you my word that you will be fairly treated and that I will do everything in my power to ensure that you receive the proper medical treatment. In saying this, I should like the record to state that my main concern is to prevent the taking of any more lives.’

Jake paused for a moment and glanced over her audience.

‘Are there any questions?’

A dozen hands were raised in the air and Jake pointed at a face she half-recognised.

‘Carol Clapham, ITN,’ declared the woman. ‘Chief Inspector, are you satisfied that robbery is not the motive behind these killings?’

‘Perfectly satisfied. None of these men were robbed. As I recall, one man was found still in possession of a wallet containing over a hundred dollars. Next question.’ She pointed to a man sitting in the front row.

‘James McKay, Evening Standard. You mentioned hundreds, possibly thousands of remote possibilities to be checked. Would you care to say what any of them are?’

‘No, I would not. Next.’ She pointed again.

‘Have any of the victims been mutilated in any way?’ asked a third journalist.

‘No comment.’ Jake had no wish to provide any information for the copycat killers. ‘Next.’

‘Do you assume that the killer will strike again?’

‘That would be a fair assumption, yes.’

She pointed a fifth time and then a sixth. Finally came the question she had been sure someone would eventually ask.

‘John Joyce, the Guardian. Chief Inspector Jakowicz, would you care to comment on the rumour that these killings may be connected with the Lombroso Program currently being run by the Government’s Brain Research Institute?’

Before Jake could answer, Detective Chief Superintendent Challis beat her to it.

‘I think I can answer that question,’ he said, glancing at Jake as if to reassure himself that she didn’t mind him interrupting her. But she knew that this was just for appearance’s sake: Challis really didn’t care one way or the other whether his female junior minded or not.

‘As the Chief Inspector indicated, there have been a number of rumours about these killings, linking them with everything from England’s World Cup defeat to changes in the world’s weather pattern.’ He grinned, hideously. ‘Let’s just say that at this stage in our inquiry, we’re not disposed to eliminate any hypothesis, no matter how fantastic.’

With that, Gilmour stood up and announced that the press conference was at an end. There were questions shouted at the retreating triumvirate, but these were ignored. And when they were outside, in the corridor behind the conference room, Gilmour breathed a sigh of relief.

‘You fielded that one well, Keith,’ he said.

‘Thanks, sir,’ said Challis. ‘It was a bit of a googly, wasn’t it? You just can’t trust those fucking bastards on the Guardian to play a straight game.’

Gilmour nodded grimly. ‘It’s about time I had a word with the press office about them. Teach them a lesson. No press releases, that kind of thing. Keep ’em in purdah for a while, at least until they learn to toe the line like the rest of the reptiles.’

‘Oh I don’t know,’ said Jake. ‘You can’t blame them for trying.’

Gilmour looked squarely at Jake, and, ignoring her opinion, complimented her on her own performance.

‘You did well, young lady,’ he said, patronising her as if he had been some kind of indulgent uncle.

Jake forced a smile over her clenched teeth.

‘I hope you know what you’re doing. If this blows up in our faces—’ For once he did not complete the prophecy. Instead, Gilmour pinched the bridge of his nose, and added, ‘Let’s just hope that this Wittgenstone bastard watches television.’

It was almost unthinkable that he would not, thought Jake as she drove home that night. Television was the great British god. True, she herself often came home and found that she had little energy left to do anything but stare into its unblinking eye. But it was for precisely this reason that Jake had located her own television set in an unusual position. Instead of being placed at an angle between two walls from where it could command the whole room like some kind of surveillance camera, Jake’s set was placed in such a way as indicated someone who was not much inclined to watch it. The TV sat high up on a set of shelves, at right angles to the shortest wall and immediately opposite the door, which obliged anyone who wished to view the thing to stand. It wasn’t that Jake disliked the newsreels of faraway wars, crime movies, or even the two-minute commercial segments that appeared every quarter of an hour. Even when Jake knew that there was nothing worth watching she still found television to be oddly compulsive. It was just that she tried to make her viewing sufficiently uncomfortable as to force her to do something else instead, like reading.