Robert Wilson - The Illuminatus! Trilogy

* The double-bind, first defined by anthropologist Gregory Bateson, is a situation in which you must choose between two alternatives both of which are unpleasant. A beautiful example, suggested by Mr. William S. Burroughs: Condition a draftee so that he will immediately obey either the order 'Stand up" or the order "Sit down," if given by a superior officer, then have two officers simultaneously order him to stand up and sit down. Obeying the first order means disobeying the second, and obeying the second means disobeying the first. Presumably, the subject would wig out.

OM projects vary from the trivial to the colossal.

An example of the former is a rubber stamp owned by Dr. Mordecai Malignatus, which says SEE MENTAL HEALTH RECORDS. (Dr. Malignatus casually picked this up from a public-health clinic while nobody was looking.) Any mail which Dr. Malignatus considers impertinent or insulting- especially if it comes from a government office- is stamped with this motto and sent back, otherwise untouched. This causes considerable puzzlement to various bureaucrats.

An example of the latter is Project Jake, instigated by Harold Lord Randomfactor. Once or twice a year, a public servant who has distinguished himself by more than common imbecility is selected as target for a Jake and all Discordian cabals are alerted- including the various branches of the Erisian Liberation Front, the Twelve Famous Buddha Minds, the St. Gulik Iconistary, the Earl of Nines, the Tactile Temple of Eris Erotic, the Brotherhood of the Lust of Christ, Green amp; Pleasant Enterprises, Society for Moral Understanding and Training, the In-Sect, the Golden Apple Panthers, the Paratheo-Anametamystikhood of Eris Esoteric, Sam's Cafe, the Seattle Group, the Stone Dragon Cabal, the Universal Erisian Church, and the Young Americans for Real Freedom.* On Jake Day, the public servant being honored receives mail from all of these, on their official letterheads (which are somewhat weird, it must be granted), asking for help in some complicated political matter that passes all rational understanding. The official so honored can conclude either that he is the target of a conspiracy composed entirely of lunatics, or that the general public is much more imaginative and less stodgy than he had previously assumed.

* All these are real groups, currently active in the U.S A. (Do you believe that?)

Between the trivial and the colossal there is a variety of OM which can be called the chronic.

Most notable is the honorary membership. Not wishing to exclude anybody from membership in the Erisian movement for such a technicality as being non-Erisian, the legendary Malaclypse the Younger invented several honorary Aneristic groups. It is now the tradition for any Discordian cabal to appoint anybody to one of these groups if his or her behavior is notably Aneristic. For instance, a high-school principal who has given a particularly stirring assembly speech on some such topic as "The Draft as a Protection for Our Freedoms" (or "Taxation as a Protection for Our Property" or any of the other oxymorons beloved by educators) might thereafter receive some such mailing as this:

(V) Safeguard this letter; it is an important historical document.

() Burn after reading-subversive literature.

() Ignore and continue what you were doing before opening this.

Dear (V) Sir () Madam () Fido():

It has recently come to Our ears that you, in your official capacity as principal of Aaron Burr High School, said in a public meeting, with your bare face hanging out, that death by napalm is "really no more painful than a bad cold" and that Orientals have "tougher epidermi than whites and feel less acutely."

In Our official capacity as High Priest of the Head temple of the House of Apostles of Eris, We congratulate you for helping to restore American education to its rightful position as the envy and despair of all other (and, hence, lesser) educational systems.

You are hereby appointed a five-star General in the Bureau of the Division of the Department of the Order of the Knights of the Five-Sided Castle, Quixote Cabal, with full authority to shrapnel your friends and bomb your neighbors.

If you have any answers, We will be glad to provide full and detailed questions.

In the Name of La Mancha,

Theophobia the Elder, M.C.P. High Priest, Head temple

This document will be stamped with such legends as OFFICIAL-DO NOT USE THIS PAPER AS TOILET TISSUE; SECRET- FOR YOUR EYES ONLY; QUIXOTE LIVES, etc., all in the most tasteful blues and reds, together with Easter Bunny seals, ribbons, and whatever other decorations it pleases the local cabal to attach. Often it will be accompanied by a button or an armband, making the possessor a five-star General, adorned with a classic rendition of the Knight of the Mournful Countenance. Copies, of course, will be sent to the radical students at the school to guarantee that the principal being honored will see and hear many references to Don Quixote in following days, lest he think he is dealing with a single "harmless lunatic." (The official signal of the Knights of the Five-Sided Castle, needless to say, is a pentagon with a golden apple inside.)

Other groups to which individuals may be given honorary membership for conspicuously Aneristic behavior are:

the Hemlock Fellowship for academic leaders who have taken strong actions to protect students from disturbing ideas and/or to deny tenure to controversial teachers or professors;

the St. Famine Society for War Against Evil- for people who have exhibited unusual concern for the moral behavior of their neighbors;*

* Annual meetings are held on the Feast of St. Famine at the Casa de Inquisitador in San Miguel de Allende, Mexico.

the Flat Earth Society- for legislators or citizens' groups dedicated to preventing the dissemination of "modernistic" ideas in education;

the Fat Jap Anti-Defamation League- for Women's Liberationists and others who have found good ideological reasons to object to the English language;

the Fraternal Order of Hate Groups- given to allegedly libertarian groups only if they have engaged in conspicuously authoritarian behavior and have developed a philosophical line proving that said behavior is actually libertarian. (That group which has found the best libertarian justification for opposing liberty receives the Annual William Buckley Memorial Award and joint membership in the St. Famine Society for War Against Evil.);

the First Evangelical and Reformed Rand, Branden, and Holy Gait Church-for those who are simultaneously rationalists and dogmatists;

the Part-of-the-Solution Vanguard Party- for any Supreme Servant of the People who has shown inordinate zeal in banishing most of the people as Parts-of-the-Problem.

Other aspects of Operation Mindfuck include:

Project Eagle. Day-glo posters have been printed which look like the old Eagle proclamation saying TO THE POLLS YE SONS OF FREEDOM. The new, improved Discordian posters, however, have one slight word change, and say cheerfully BURN THE POLLS YE SONS OF FREEDOM. Like the Old ones, they are posted in prominent places on election day.

Project Pan-Pontification. Since the Rev. Kirby Hensley founded the Universal Life Church and started ordaining everybody as a minister of the gospel, the Paratheo-Aname-tamystikhood of Eris Esoteric has decided to raise the stakes. They are now distributing cards stating: