Karin Slaughter - Faithless

Dale didn’t seem to like the suggestion, and Lena could see him trying to work out an excuse. He finally relented, picking up the toddler standing beside him. “All right.”

“We’ll be back in a minute,” Jeffrey told Lena, giving her a meaningful look. He’d want an explanation, but Lena was at a loss for a story that did not incriminate herself.

Marla offered, “I’ll take care of this one,” holding up the baby, making him squeal.

Lena said, “We can talk in Jeffrey’s office.”

Terri only nodded. Lena could see a thin gold chain around her neck, a tiny cross hanging at the center. Terri picked at it, her fingers brushing the cross like a talisman. She looked as terrified as Lena felt.

“This way,” Lena said. She moved first, straining to hear Terri’s shuffling footsteps behind her as she walked toward Jeffrey’s office. The squad room was almost empty, only a few cops in from patrol to fill out paperwork or just get in from the cold. Lena felt sweat pouring down her back by the time she got to Jeffrey’s office. The walk had been one of the longest of her life.

Terri did not speak until Lena closed the door. “You were at the clinic.”

Lena kept her back to the woman, looking out the window at Jeffrey and Dale as they walked around the car.

“I know it was you,” Terri said, her voice tight in her throat.

“Yeah,” Lena admitted, turning around. Terri was sitting in one of the chairs opposite Jeffrey’s desk, her hands gripping the arms as if she could pull them off.

“Terri-”

“Dale will kill me if he finds out.” She said this with such conviction that Lena had no doubt Dale would do it.

“He won’t hear it from me.”

“Who will he hear it from?” She was obviously terrified, and Lena felt her own panic drain away when she realized that they were both bound by their secret. Terri had seen her at the clinic, but Lena had seen Terri, too.

“He’ll kill me,” she repeated, her thin shoulders shaking.

“I won’t tell him,” Lena repeated, thinking she was stating the obvious.

“You damn well better not,” Terri snapped. The words were meant as a threat, but she lacked the conviction to carry it off. She was almost panting for breath. Tears were in her eyes.

Lena sat down in the chair beside her. “What are you afraid of?”

“You did it, too,” she insisted, her voice catching. “You’re just as guilty as me. You murdered… you killed your… you killed…”

Again, Lena found her mouth moving but no words coming out.

Terri spat, “I may be going to hell for what I did, but don’t forget I can take you with me.”

“I know,” Lena said. “Terri, I’m not going to tell anybody.”

“Oh, God,” she said, clutching her fist to her chest. “Please don’t tell him.”

“I promise,” Lena vowed, feeling pity take over. “Terri, it’s okay.”

“He won’t understand.”

“I won’t tell,” she repeated, putting her hand over Terri’s.

“It’s so hard,” she said, grabbing Lena ’s hand. “It’s so hard.”

Lena felt tears in her eyes, and she clenched her jaw, fighting the urge to let herself go. “Terri,” she began. “Terri, calm down. You’re safe here. I won’t tell.”

“I felt it…” she began, holding her stomach. “I felt it moving inside. I felt it kicking. I couldn’t do it. I couldn’t have another one. I couldn’t take… I can’t… I’m not strong enough… I can’t take it anymore. I can’t take it…”

“Shh,” Lena hushed, smoothing back a wisp of hair that had fallen into Terri’s eyes. The woman looked so young, almost like a teenager. For the first time in years, Lena felt the urge to comfort someone. She had been on the receiving end for so long that she had almost forgotten how to offer help. “Look at me,” she said, steeling herself, fighting her own emotions. “You’re safe, Terri. I won’t tell. I won’t tell anyone.”

“I’m such a bad person,” Terri said. “I’m so bad.”

“You’re not.”

“I can’t get clean,” she confessed. “No matter how much I bathe, I can’t get clean.”

“I know,” Lena said, feeling a weight lifting off her chest as she admitted this. “I know.”

“I smell it on me,” she said. “The anesthesia. The chemicals.”

“I know,” Lena said, fighting the urge to slip back into her grief. “Be strong, Terri. You have to be strong.”

She nodded. Her shoulders were so slumped, she looked as if she might fold in on herself. “He’ll never forgive me for this.”

Lena didn’t know if she meant her husband or some higher power, but she nodded her head in agreement.

“He’ll never forgive me.”

Lena chanced a look outside the window. Dale was standing at the car but Jeffrey was to the side, talking to Sara Linton. He looked back at the station, throwing his hand out into the air as if he was angry. Sara said something, then Jeffrey nodded, taking what looked like an evidence bag from her. He walked back toward the station.

“Terri,” Lena said, feeling the threat of Jeffrey’s arrival breathing down her neck. “Listen,” she began. “Dry your eyes. Look at me.” Terri looked up. “You’re okay,” Lena said, more like an order than a question.

Terri nodded.

“You have to be okay, Terri.” The woman nodded again, understanding Lena ’s urgency.

She saw Jeffrey in the squad room. He stopped to say something to Marla. “He’s coming,” she said, and Terri squared her shoulders, straightening up as if she were an actor taking a cue.

Jeffrey knocked on the door as he came into the office. He was obviously disturbed about something, but he held it back. The evidence bag Sara had given him in the parking lot was sticking out of his pocket, but Lena could not tell what it contained. He raised his eyebrows at her, a silent question, and she felt a lurch in her stomach as she realized she hadn’t done the one thing he had told her to do.

Without pausing a beat, Lena lied. “Terri says she’s never seen anyone at the garage but Dale.”

“Yes,” Terri said, nodding as she stood from the chair. She kept her eyes averted, and Lena was grateful Jeffrey seemed too preoccupied to notice the woman had been crying.

He didn’t even thank her for coming in, instead dismissing her with, “Dale’s waiting outside.”

“Thank you,” Terri said, chancing a look at Lena before she left. The young woman practically ran through the squad room, grabbing her kid from Marla as she made for the front door.

Jeffrey gave Lena the evidence bag, saying, “This was sent to Sara at the clinic.”

There was a piece of lined notebook paper inside. Lena turned the bag over, reading the note. The four words were written in purple ink, all caps, taking up half the page. “ABBY WASN’T THE FIRST.”

Lena walked through the forest, her eyes scanning the ground, willing herself to concentrate. Her thoughts kept darting around like a pinball, one minute hitting against the possibility that there might be another girl buried out in these woods, the next colliding into the memory of the fear in Terri Stanley’s voice as she begged Lena not to tell her secret. The woman had been terrified by the prospect of her husband finding out what she had done. Dale seemed harmless, hardly the type of man capable of Ethan’s kind of rage, but she understood Terri’s fear. She was a young woman who had probably never held a real job outside her home. If Dale left her and their two kids, she would be completely abandoned. Lena understood why she felt trapped, just as she understood Terri’s fear of exposure.

All this time, Lena had been concerned about Ethan’s reaction, but now she knew there was more to worry about than the threat of his violence. What if Jeffrey found out? God knew she had been through a lot of shit in the last three years- most of it of her own making-but Lena had no idea what would be the final line she crossed that made Jeffrey turn his back on her. His wife was a pediatrician, and from what she had seen, he loved kids. It wasn’t like they had political discussions all the time. She had no idea where he stood on abortion. She did know, however, that he would be pissed as hell if he found out Lena hadn’t really interviewed Terri. They had been so tied up in their mutual fears, Lena hadn’t asked her about the garage, let alone if there had been any visitors Dale didn’t know about. Lena had to find a way to get back in touch with her, to ask her about the cyanide, but she couldn’t think how to do this without alerting Jeffrey.