Martina Cole: Close

'I know, darling, but you don't need to tell me anything.'

'Oh, but I do, Mum. I ain't got long, and that is not a problem. I am looking forward to the next step, the next life, you know. But I need to tell you how I feel before I go.'

Lil took a sip of her drink; the straw in her glass was bright pink, and she sipped at it as if her life depended on it.

'I hope, Mum, that you die, screaming, of cancer. Alone and unaided, I pray that you are left to rot, and that you never lose the gift of consciousness. That you know exactly what is happening to you. I pray you never know a happy day again. That is my last wish on this earth. I wish you dead, but not until you finally realise that no one wants you, no one cares for you and I pray that you die alone and in agony, and no one finds your body until you're rotten, you're fucking putrid. Now , fuck off, and don't come near me or mine ever again.'

Annie was devastated, and she looked down at her only child, her daughter. 'You don't mean that, Lil, you can't mean that…'

'Oh, I mean it, Mum. I hope you never know another happy day, I pray that you sink lower and lower into your own fucking hatred. That's me prayer, and God is good, you know, he pays back debts without money. I might be dying of cancer, but you'll die of guilt and hate and no one will care. That will be your punishment, as it was Lance's. I hope you live for years and years, and no one comes near or by you. I hope you never know any kind of peace, or any kind of rest. I hate you so much it has to leave some kind of mark on you. Now, get out, and stay away from me and my family.'

Annie was crying, her sobbing loud in the room.

'Get her out of here, would you, Pat, and make sure she never comes near me again?'

'Please, Lil, let me make amends, let me show you how much I regret everything…'

'If I needed a kidney or a bone-marrow transplant and you were the only person who could do that for me, I would rather die. I will wait for you, Mum. You'll hang on like the creaking door, and you'll die alone, with no one near you, and not one person who'll care. And that knowledge is what will make my death so much easier. My poor Kathleen was destroyed by you and Lance. That girl was tortured, and my little Colleen was served up, so you and Lance could play at grown-ups. But even when I die, and that won't be long, I'll still be standing at your shoulder; I'll make sure I am near enough to you, so you'll never know another happy day. My kids hate you, and that won't change, and I'll leave this world all the happier because I know you'll die alone.'

'I loved you, Lil… Whatever you might think.'

Lily Brodie looked at the woman who had borne her, who had given her life, and had then made sure that her life was unendurable, and then she looked at her son, her eldest son, and she said nastily, 'Get her out, will you? I never want to see her again as long as I live.'

She laughed then and said to Annie, 'And that, Mother, is not long. But at least I will go with my family around me. I will die knowing I was loved, and if I never achieved anything else in life, I will always know that I had that much.'

Janie Callahan was washing her friend, and she knew that Lil was dying painfully. As she washed her, making sure she was clean and tidy for any visitors, she knew that it would not be long before she would be gone.

'Thanks, Janie. I appreciate all you are doing for me.'

Janie smiled at her, and, sitting on the edge of her bed, she held on to her friend's hand as if her life depended on it. 'I'll miss you, girl, and you know it. We go back so long. I loved you and I always will. You've been good to me. Whatever happened in the past, me and you have always been close. I hated Lance, and what he did to my girl, but I could never blame you, Lil. He was not a part of us, and you knew it, like I knew it.'

'I'll miss you, too, Janie, and I don't want to leave my kids, but I must. Do me a favour, go home and enjoy the rest of your life…'

Janie was sad, so sad at the words, but Lil understood her reaction.

'Listen, life is short, even at its longest, it's short. I just want to be with my kids now, for the end. But I hope you'll always remember our friendship.'

Janie went home, crying her eyes out for the life that was coming to an end, and for the women she loved and admired.

Patrick was sitting beside Lil, as always. She felt him holding her hand, and she squeezed it as tightly as she could, but she knew he wouldn't feel it. She had no strength left, she was as weak as a kitten.

She was dying hard and, now it was really happening, she wasn't sure she wanted to go. The life force was a very powerful thing. She didn't want to leave them all, was frightened they would not cope without her.

'Patrick, always remember I loved the bones of you. Of all of you.'

He kissed her hand gently. 'I know, Mum, and I have loved you always, I still do, more than anyone or anything, we all do, darling.'

'Get the priest in, Pat, I'm ready. I want to see my Colleen again, I want to hold her in my arms.'

She closed her eyes then, and her children knew she was making herself ready for her maker.

She looked peaceful when the priest gave her the Last Rites, and she looked ready for the last journey.

They stood by her bed, and all watched her with fear and trepidation, because the woman who had been such a big part of their life was really going now, was leaving them. Jambo was holding one hand, and Patrick was holding the other. The twins, Shamus, Christy and Shawn, her children were all around the bed and the priest was still praying.

Then Lil Brodie opened her eyes and said happily: 'Look at my Patrick, he's at the end of the bed, and he's calling me. He's calling me.'

Then she was gone, it was so quick, too fast for such a momentous occasion. She just closed her eyes and left them.

Kathleen and Eileen were in bits, and, as they cried, young Shawn said seriously, 'I hope he did come for her, don't you? I hope he was there.'

Patrick Brodie said sadly, 'Oh, he was there, all right, and he was calling her, no doubt about that, they were closer than any two people I ever knew.'

Shawn grinned then and, looking at his family standing around the bed, he said happily. 'We're all close, Pat. Closer than most people, closer than even poor Mum ever realised.'

Patrick laughed then.

'She knew that, mate. We are close because of her. She made sure of that. Now we have to live up to her expectations, look after each other; at the end of the day, we are all we've got.'

'Do you think we'll survive her death, Pat?'

He looked at his brothers and sisters and saw them as his mother had seen them, all needing him and all needing each other.

'We fucking better, because she was the best thing that ever happened to any of us; she kept us together, and she made sure we were a family. Now all we have left is each other.'

Christy looked at them all and said quietly, 'Amen to that.'