Lucy Monroe - Satisfaction Guaranteed

A man who practiced extreme sports in his free time and whose job routinely put his life on the line would think like that.

“I spent a lot of my childhood daydreaming. It was more fun than dwelling on real life.” It had hurt less, too. “I guess I never got out of the habit.”

“What did you fantasize about?”

“Having two parents who loved me, having a real family.”

“Your parents do love you, Sunshine.”

“Yes, but when I was little, I wasn’t convinced of it.”

“I’m sorry.”

“I don’t want pity, Ethan. They never abused me, or set out to hurt me.”

“But they did hurt you, and now you find it easier to expect nothing from life but your fantasies.”

He was right, but she’d admitted that once tonight. She wasn’t going to say so again. Besides, he might not realize it, but for a woman who had prided herself on her honesty, realizing she’d lived most of her life in a dream world wasn’t a happy thing.

“I tried once to live the dream, but it exploded in my face.” She wasn’t sure if she was defending herself to herself or to him.

“What dream?”

“The get-married-and-have-a-real-family one.”

“What happened?”

“He stood me up at the altar.”

Ethan said a very bad word.

She winced…but not from his curse. She hadn’t intended to tell him about her aborted engagement. In fact, she’d been firm in her desire to keep it all in the past where it belonged, but apparently late-night phone conversations weren’t good for her resolve. Her room was dark around her. No one was there but her and the kittens sleeping in their cushy little bed on the other side of the room. The phone tucked next to her ear felt more like part of a dream than a reality…and therefore safe.

“I didn’t date a lot in college,” she admitted, not sure why the words were still spilling out. “I was shy.”

“Afraid.”

“That, too.”

“How did you meet him?”

“I was the investment counselor assigned to his stock portfolio. I didn’t find out he was an agent until we were on our fifth date. By then, I liked him. A lot. I didn’t want to stop dating. He’d told me he worked for the government like half of D.C. and I even understood why he waited to tell me he was an agent. The fact he trusted me with the information that early made me feel special. We fell in love. Or I thought we did. But I don’t think you can stand up your bride at the altar if you really love her. Do you?”

“Why did he stand you up?” Ethan asked instead of answering.

“He was on an assignment. He wasn’t supposed to be, but a former case reopened and his role was key. He thought he’d be done before the wedding, but he didn’t get back into the country until three days after. He didn’t call either…he just didn’t show up.”

“Maybe he couldn’t call.”

“That’s what he said, but it doesn’t matter, does it? If our upcoming marriage had really mattered to him, he would have found a way.”

“Maybe…”

She knew the maybes and she even understood them, but they didn’t change anything. “It doesn’t matter. Being stood up at the altar made me realize our relationship was never going to go where I needed it to.”

“You gave up the dream because it wasn’t perfect.”

The tears that had filled her eyes spilled over, but she concentrated on keeping them from her voice. “You could put it that way but, Ethan…do you know what it’s like to wonder if you matter at all to the people who are supposed to love you? I really didn’t want that for any children I might have. I didn’t want it for me any longer.”

She hadn’t been strong enough and she had to face that, not that it would change anything.

“Are you okay, Beth?”

“I’m fine.”

“You sound like you’re crying.”

She took a deep breath and got her feelings under control before talking again. “I’m fine. Really. Just tired.”

“And horny.”

She laughed, the sound choked. “That, too.”

“Between your ex-fiancé and your dad, they convinced you that agents make lousy long-term partners, didn’t they?”

“I was convinced of it before Alan and I met, but I took a chance.” Not that she’d had much choice. By the time she’d learned he was an agent, she was already on the way to being head over heels in love with him. Her mom’s advice had been sound, but she’d had no opportunity in that relationship to apply it. “It didn’t play out like I’d hoped.”

“Alan Hyatt is the man you almost married?” Ethan demanded in a voice that was a cross between a growl and shouting.

His inexplicable anger traveled across the phone lines, perversely increasing her excitement. Was there something wrong with her that his darker emotions sparked sexual need in her? She wanted to tame the savage beast…with her body.

Talk about kinky.

“Yes, now you know what we share in our past.” At least Ethan’s curiosity should be satisfied. “I think that’s why my dad hired him and didn’t tell me beforehand. I’m just guessing, but I have a feeling Dad was hoping seeing Alan again would spark dormant feelings in me.”

“Did it?” Definitely a growl.

Wow. “Do you think I would have flashed you with my panties tonight if it had?” she asked softly.

“Maybe.”

“I’m not like that.”

“So, you have no feelings for him.”

“None.”

“You’re sure?”

“Yes.”

“How many lovers have there been since him?”

“This is getting personal.”

“It crossed that line when I dropped my pants and showed you my raging hard-on.”

She gasped.

A dark chuckle sent tremors rippling through some very interesting places in her body.

“So, how many?”

“None.”

“Why?”

“It was easier and safer to daydream.” And she’d only wanted one man since her broken engagement. Ethan. Definitely safer to daydream about him.

But was safe all it was cracked up to be?

“What about before him?”

“What is this? Are you trying to decide if I have enough experience to be an eligible partner for the Stud?”

“No, I’m trying to get to know you better, baby. Now answer the question.”

“How come your version of getting to know me has so much to do with sex?”

“What do you mean?”

“You went through my panties drawer.”

“And your shoe rack…and your bookshelf.”

Point taken. Maybe she was the one with sex on the brain. “I was a virgin before I met Alan.”

“Isn’t that a little archaic?”

“I don’t know. It was right for me. I told you I didn’t date much.”

“So, you want to wait until you have another very committed relationship before having sex again?”

That had been her plan, but now she thought it could stand to be improved upon. After all, she was starting to doubt that a long-term very committed relationship was ever going to happen.

She took the plunge. “No. I want to have sex with you.”

“And you don’t want a commitment with me. Because I’m an agent.”

“Even if you were an insurance adjuster, I think you’d scare me, Ethan. You’re not the kind of guy who could stay with the same woman very long. Especially one like me.”

“There’s a first time for everything.”

It was a throw-away remark and she refused to take it as anything else. She knew Ethan agreed with her. He’d already said he didn’t want to get into a long-term relationship, but he did want her. He’d called her in the middle of the night because he couldn’t sleep for wanting her.

Maybe she would get a chance to make those fantasies come true after all. This time, she wasn’t looking for the perfect rendition of her dream either. She wasn’t going to let the limits of their relationship hurt. Because she wasn’t going to fall in love with him. She wasn’t that stupid.