Jonathan Kellerman - The Murder Book

She'd squeezed the bandana into a blue ball. Now she studied her fingers as they uncurled. "Those coyotes were scared witless by the sound of Pierce's fear."

She offered me a drink that I declined, got up and filled herself a glass of water from the kitchen tap. When she sat back down, I said, "Did Pierce have any memory of the nightmares?"

"Nope. When the fit was over he'd just go back to sleep, and there'd be no mention of it. The first time that happened, I let it pass. The second time, I was shook up but still said nothing. The third time, I went to see Dr. Harrison. He listened and didn't say much and that evening he came by, paid a visit to Pierce- alone, in Pierce's darkroom. After that, Pierce started seeing him for regular sessions, again. About a week in, Dr. H. had me over to his house, and that's when he told me about Pierce struggling to live with failure."

"So you and Pierce never talked about the case directly?"

"That's right."

I said nothing.

She said, "I know it's hard for you to understand, but that's what we were like. Close as two people can be, but there were sides to each of us that we didn't get into. I realize it's not fashionable to hold on to privacy, anymore. Everyone talks about everything to everyone else. But that's phony, isn't it? Everyone's got secret parts of their mind, Pierce and I were just honest about admitting it. And Dr. Harrison said if that's the way we really wanted it, that was our choice."

So Bert had tried to edge husband and wife toward more openness, and they'd resisted.

Marge Schwinn said, "It was the same with Pierce's drug problem. He was too proud to expose himself to me, so he used Dr. Harrison as a go-between. We were content with that. It kept things pleasant and positive between us."

"Did you ever ask Dr. Harrison about the unsolved murder?"

Strong headshake. "I didn't want to know. I figured for it to plague Pierce it had to be really bad."

"Did the nightmares ever clear up?"

"After Pierce started seeing Dr. Harrison regularly again, they faded to maybe two, three times a month. Also, Pierce's photography hobby seemed to help, got him out of the house, got him some fresh air."

"Was that Dr. Harrison's idea?"

She smiled. "Yes, he bought Pierce the camera, insisted on paying for it. He does that. Gives people things. There was a gal used to live in town, Marian Purveyance, ran the Celestial Café before Aimee Baker took charge of it. Marian came down with a muscle disease that wasted her away, and Dr. Harrison was her main comfort. I used to visit Marian during her final days, and she told me Dr. Harrison decided she needed a dog for companionship. But Marian was in no physical state to take care of a dog, so Dr. Harrison found one for her- an old, half-lame retriever from the shelter that he kept at his house, fed, and bathed. He brought it over to Marian's for a few hours each day. That sweet old dog used to stretch out on Marian's bed, and Marian would lie there stroking it. Toward the end, Marian's fingers wouldn't work, and the dog must've known, because it rolled over right next to Marian and put its paw on Marian's hand so she'd have something to touch. Marian died with that old dog next to her, and a few weeks later, the dog passed on."

Her eyes were fierce. "Do you get what I'm saying, young man? Dr. Harrison gives people things. He gave Pierce that camera and gave me a bit of peace by letting me know the nightmares had nothing to do with me. Because I was wondering if they did, maybe Pierce's being cooped up here with an old spinster after all those years on his own was having a bad effect on him. And- Lord forgive me- when I watched Pierce thrash around, I couldn't help wonder if he'd somehow backslid."

"Into drug use."

"I'm ashamed to admit it, but yes, that's exactly what I wondered. Because it was drug seizures that brought him into the hospital in the first place and to my ignorant eye, these looked like seizures. But Dr. Harrison assured me they weren't. Said they were just bad nightmares. That it was Pierce's old life rearing its ugly old head. That I was nothing but good for Pierce and shouldn't ever think otherwise. That was a great relief."

"So the nightmares thinned to two or three times a month."

"That I could live with. When the thumping started, I'd just roll out of bed, go to the kitchen for a glass of water, walk outside to calm the horses, and when I'd return, Pierce'd be snoozing away. I'd hold his hand and warm it up- the nightmares always turned his hands icy. We'd lie there together and I'd listen to his breathing slow down and he'd let me hold him and warm him up and the night would pass."

Another hawk's swoop striated the wall. She said, "Those birds. They must smell something."

"The nightmares thinned," I said, "but they returned the last few days before Pierce's death."

"Yes," she said, nearly choking on the word. "And this time I started getting worried because Pierce didn't look so good in the morning. He was worn-out, kind of clumsy, slurring his words. That's why I blame myself for letting him take Akhbar. He was in no shape to ride, I shouldn't have allowed him to go off by himself. Maybe that time he did have some kind of seizure."

"Why'd you test Akhbar for drugs?"

"That was just me being stupid. What I really wanted to do was have Pierce tested. Because despite what Dr. Harrison had said when the nightmares came back, I let myself lose faith in Pierce, again. But after he died, I couldn't bring myself to come out and admit my suspicions. Not to Dr. H. or the coroner or anyone else, so instead I laid them on poor Akhbar. Figuring maybe once the subject of drugs came up, someone would catch on and test Pierce, too, and I'd know, once and for all."

"They did test Pierce," I said. "It's standard procedure. The drug screen came back negative."

"I know that, now. Dr. Harrison told me. It was an accident, plain and simple. Though sometimes I still can't help thinking Pierce shouldn't have been riding alone. Because he wasn't looking good."

"Any idea why that last week was rough for him?"

"No- and I don't want to know. I need to put all this behind me, and this isn't helping, so could we please stop?"

I thanked her and stood. "How far from here did the accident occur?"

"Just a ways up the road."

"I'd like to see the spot."

"What for?"

"To get a feel for what happened."

Her gaze was level. "Do you know something you haven't told me?"

"No," I said. "Thanks for your time."

"Don't thank me, it wasn't a favor." She leaped up, walked past me to the door.

I said, "The spot-"

"Get back on 33 heading east and take the second turnoff to the left. It's a dirt path that leads up a hill, then starts swooping down toward the arroyo. That's where it happened. Pierce and Akhbar tumbled from the rocks that look down into the arroyo and ended up at the bottom. It's a place Pierce and I rode together from time to time. When we did, I used to lead."

"About Pierce's photography."

"No," she said. "Please. No more questions. I showed you Pierce's darkroom and his pictures and everything else the first time you were here."

"I was going to say he was talented, but one thing struck me. There were no people or animals in his shots."

"Is that supposed to be some big psychological thing?"

"No, I just found it curious."

"Did you? Well, I didn't. Didn't bother me one bit. Those pictures were beautiful." She reached around me and shoved the door open. "And when I asked Pierce about it, he had a very good answer. Said, 'Margie, I'm trying to picture a perfect world.' "

She stood by the Seville, waiting for me to leave.