William Bernhardt - Dark Eye

“I care about you, Susan. I do. And that’s why I’m saying this. I will not reinstate you. You need to get help-professional help. This may be your last chance to save yourself before you’ve lost everything.”

“I’ve already lost everything.”

“No, you haven’t. But you will if you start drinking again. Now get out of here.”

I wanted to scream. “Fine! Have it your way. You won’t see me back here begging. Not for a blue moon. Not if-”

“And try not to be so angry all the time. Relax. Read a book. Get healthy.”

I couldn’t leave without giving it one more try. I dropped a scrap of paper on his table. “I’m leaving you my new address and phone, just in case you change your mind.”

“I won’t. Go.”

Darcy walked me to the door. He still talked in that too loud voice with the odd inflections, but he seemed to have lost the stutter. “Will you be coming again in two and a half years?”

“Why-?”

“That’s what you said.”

“I said I’m never coming back here.”

“Uh-huh.” He gave me that sheepish grin again. “What you said was: ‘You won’t see me back here begging. Not for a blue moon.’ ” The amazing thing was, he not only repeated what I had said verbatim, he mimicked my inflection. Then he shifted into a colder, almost singsong tone, as if he were reciting in front of a schoolroom. “ ‘A blue moon is the second full moon in a given calendar month, which in North America occurs approximately once every forty-one months, or approximately every two and a half years.’ ”

I gave him a long look. “I’m not coming back.”

“Oh. Is the reason that you will not come back because of me?”

“Of course not.”

“ ’Cause if it is, it’s okay. I know sometimes people don’t like me. My dad says it’s not my fault, but he still yells at me sometimes. Everyone yells at me sometimes.”

“It wasn’t you. Really.”

“Then-” His hands began to flap up and down. “Do you think that maybe you could come again sometime? My dad gets real lonely. I think he misses having a girl around.”

“I think your father made it clear… Never mind.” I wiggled my fingers, smiled faintly, and left. I probably should’ve said something more, but I couldn’t manage it. I was so depressed, so frustrated, so… empty. I didn’t have anything to spare for anyone else.

At first I thought the tall girl had a dog and I was worried because I don’t like dogs and dogs are scary mean and smelly, but it wasn’t a dog. The tall girl was sweaty and the hospital smells were still there a little and maybe one of those perfumes that she put on way too much of. I liked the girl and I think Dad likes her even though he was mean to her and she said he wasn’t mean to her but he was and I know that look like the coach at the YMCA when I was in the eighth grade. He smelled too and Cleanliness is next to Godliness and get your hands out of your hair and what is that smell and I liked her she was nice to me. I don’t know why she was nice to me but she was she touched me and I don’t like it when people touch me but sometimes I wish they would more. My love for Heathcliff resembles the eternal rocks beneath-a source of little visible delight, but necessary. I was right when I said I hoped she would come back because Dad is lonely but sometimes I’m lonely too and I like the tall girl with the eyes that don’t match and the bump on her nose and the yellow Post-it stuck to the sole of her shoe. The girls at the day care act nervous around me but this girl didn’t I think she liked me at least some maybe a little but when Dad talks to me I can’t talk any more and he gives me that look like he’s so disappointed in me. He spent hours on that simple puzzle and he never asked me never once did he ask me even though I like puzzles and he doesn’t. The girl was keeping secrets and not just that she’s been in the hospital but I like the girl and I hope she comes back.

I wonder if she has babies because my dad said you need a girl to have babies and I like babies. Babies are nice to me. They don’t mind when I’m around.

He rolled her remains into an old carpet, which made it easier to transport her to the pickup. He was learning, wasn’t he? He was an innovator, never content with the status quo, always searching for ways to improve himself.

He drove the short distance to his chosen disposal place. This would be much easier than the last. Almost no chance of being spotted here, not this time of night. It was perfect-thematically appropriate (though the police were unlikely to get the joke), risk-free, and certain to be discovered.

Only an occasional plane passing overhead reminded him where he was. The glittering silver created a reflected brightness, but if he stayed on the far end of the lot, he would be safe. He opened a curved and unlocked silver door and laid her body to rest.

He hesitated. A ceremony before he departed seemed appropriate. Perhaps-some sort of prayer.

He lowered his head and spoke in susurrous tones.

“ ‘And so, all the night-tide, I lie down by the side of my darling-my darling-my life and my bride.’ ”

He took a handful of dirt and, just to give this a semblance of burial, sprinkled it over the body. “ ‘In her tomb by the sounding sea.’ ”

“You’ve got a date? A true-to-life, honest-to-God date?”

Lisa batted her eyelashes. “Control your envy.”

“And this isn’t with… what was his name?”

“The Human Plunger? Not him.” Lisa had an endearing habit of identifying all her boyfriends by reference to their kissing technique.

“No, I mean the advertising guy.”

“The Tongueless Titan. Ditched him.”

“Dare I ask why?”

“Kissed hard with his mouth open, but never any tongue.”

“Was that bad?”

“It was weird. Like he was administering CPR. And I asked myself, if he’s so reserved with his tongue now, is he ever going to-”

“Lisa!”

“Well, a girl has to wonder.”

I leaned through the open car window. “Have a good time. I’ll expect a full report.”

Lisa took my hand and squeezed. “Are you sure you’ll be okay, honey?”

“Of course I will.” Lisa was so sweet. She would do anything for me, I knew that. It frustrated her, not knowing what to do, what she could do.

“I don’t feel right, leaving you by yourself.”

I patted her reassuringly on the shoulder. “Don’t be silly. You can’t babysit me forever.”

“But it’s only-”

“We’d drive each other crazy and we both know it. You’re my best friend, Lisa, but even you can only tolerate me in limited doses.” We both laughed. “You’ve gotten me a great place to stay. I need some time to get it in order.”

“I could help.”

“Hey, you did all the packing. It’s only fair that I unpack.”

“There’s no rush.”

“I want the place looking nice before Rachel comes back.”

Lisa fell silent.

“You run along,” I said quickly, papering over the gap. “I’ll call you later.”

She smiled a little. “Okay. But if you need something, call me on my cell.”

“I will.”

“I won’t be far. I could be at your place in a heartbeat.”

“You shouldn’t say that. I might call. Interrupt some CPR.”

Her smile faded a bit. “I wish you would. But I know you won’t.”

Lisa hugged me again, then drove off in a sports car cloud of smoke and I made my way to the new apartment.

She’d done a terrific job, especially considering how little time she’d had to work on it. Wasn’t too expensive, either. The monthly rent was considerably less than my mortgage had been, when I paid it, so I might end up with a little extra spending money-a pleasant thought.