Charlie Huston - Sleepless

Her yard is all poppies. She raises them. When the blooms fall off, she slits the bulbs with a razor over and over, letting the sap ooze out and dry in layers. Then she scrapes it off and collects it. Homegrown opium. I traded her ketamine (10 milliliters, liquid) for a ball of opium roughly the size of a marble (weight indeterminate). Then I left as two boys arrived, one dressed in “Thriller” red and black leather, the other in “Purple Rain.” At least that’s what I think happened. I don’t remember getting into the car or driving here. It’s possible I dreamed the two boys.

I fell asleep behind the wheel.

I could have died. I would have left Rose and the baby alone.

I need to sleep. But I don’t know when that will be. I have to meet Beenie. I need to find out what is going on. Something is going on. The world didn’t just spin off its axis by itself. It didn’t happen all by itself. Not now. Not just in time for Rose to get pregnant. Not just in time for my baby. The world didn’t decide to end just in time for my baby to be born.

I need to sleep. But I can’t now. So I need to stay awake.

I took two 5-milligram dexamphetamine sulfate tablets. My tongue is dry and my stomach feels tight. I’m grinding my teeth. I don’t feel stupid like I did the few times I smoked pot with Rose before I joined the force. I never liked pot, but Rose liked the idea of smoking it together. I never told her how unpleasant it was for me. This feels different. I still feel tired, but not sleepy.

I shouldn’t be writing this down. Except that it would be a lie not to.

It’s midnight. Time to go inside and find Beenie.

First I’ll call Rose and tell her I love her. I’ll tell her to put the phone next to the baby’s ear so she can hear me tell her I love her. So she can hear me when I tell her that I don’t care how she dresses when she grows up. Or who she thinks is cool. Or if she goes out with boys who dress like Michael Jackson and Prince. I’ll tell her she can be and do whatever she wants when she grows up. Just that she has to grow up. She has to grow up.

I’m going to stop writing now. I don’t think I’m making much sense.

But I know I’m right. I know the world is like this for a reason. I know that someone did something to sicken the world.

And it’s not too late. It’s not too late. It’s not too late. I say that it is not too late.

THE MOST STRIKING THING ABOUT THE TWO YOUNG MEN ON the security recording was the tremendous amounts of stress under which they were both obviously laboring. In the first of them, this stress was clearly etched in the the jittery suddenness of his movements, in the habit of constantly raking a comb across his head, defining and redefining the side part in his assiduously composed geek haircut. Finally, and most decisively, his stress was revealed in the way he yanked his Olympic from his retro leather book satchel and sprayed the room without giving any warning that he intended to do so.

It was, for the record, a K3B-M4. So I got the make but not the model.

I got most of the rest of it right. The escalation of the argument with the Korean American, the tactfully turned backs of the workers. And then my re-creation went awry. He did not search the premises. He did not even glance at the travel drive that I could clearly see sitting exactly where I’d been told it would be. He came, he killed, and he left. Leaving the drive.

I watched as the cameras went into delay mode, recording in shorter and shorter bursts at longer and longer intervals, allowing hours to pass in minutes, slight stutters in the lighting caused as one of the monitors continued to flicker. And then the cameras revived, movement bringing them back to life, and a second young man under duress entered the room.

He surveyed the crime scene with some thoroughness, taking several photos, recording the positions of bodies, the placement of entry wounds and blood sprays. Then pausing for a final assessment, he noticed the drive, made a brief mental calculation of some kind, took the travel drive, and left. Giving the impression that the theft of the drive was not at all premeditated.

As for his obvious anxiety and stress, they were revealed not in any particular tick of behavior but rather in the contrast between the efficiency with which he went about his business, and the blind distraction apparent in his failure to erase himself from the security hard drive from which I had recorded the DVD I was watching.

I watched it again. I watched it several times over.

His frame was lanky but fit. The haircut wasn’t one. It was what had been very short hair neglected over several months. The clothes were practical and inexpensive. Off-brand khaki cargo pants, a plain black T-shirt. Only his shoes were of any particular interest. A pair of black Tsubo Korphs, legendarily durable, comfortable, and ugly. Excellent for anyone who spends a great deal of time on his feet. Nurses and hospital orderlies often favor the white ones. In terms of palette and basic silhouette, he could quite easily have been taken for one of the mercenaries I had killed in the room several hours after he had gone carefully through the procedures I was watching him execute.

But he was not one of them. He was, in fact, a cop. Young, not terribly experienced at detective work, but game and apt. He’d obviously done his homework and listened up in class. He went about his business with care, but with concern for the time it was taking, frequently looking at the anachronism on his wrist. I watched and came to another conclusion.

The camera image could be magnified enough for me to see that he was deleting something from the Korean American’s BlackBerry That, combined with his time sensitivity, the impulsive theft of the drive, and his stress level, seemed to make a simple case. Dirty cop. Covering up traces of whatever dirty business he had been engaged in there.

This diagnosis was contraindicated by a few details: the time he took to survey the crime scene, take pictures, and check the pulses of the dead. Dirty? Well, certainly he had something to hide. More than likely it was some form of dirtiness. Always best to assume the worst about a stranger until you know otherwise.

The killer, for instance, had killed out of juvenile rage. There might be money involved, nothing would be more natural, but when it boiled down to the moment of the deed, he simply lost his self-control and, because he had one handy, pulled his gun and opened fire. It was on his face. Not beforehand, not even while he was shooting. But afterward, with smoke still oozing from the barrel of his weapon, the absolute shock on his face. The look that said explicitly, Did I just do that? I hardly needed to see his lips move: Oh, shit. Or to observe the nervous giggle that escaped from them. He’d never planned to go in there and kill those people. He’d just walked into a room where he knew he was going to have an argument with someone and took a high-powered assault rifle with him. For no real reason. Just because he thought he might need it. For what, he would have found it impossible to say.

The other young man, the one with the well-maintained ancient watch, the practical shoes, and the precise methodology, he’d never have lost control in that manner. Had he wanted to kill those people, he’d have gone in with a plan and carried it out with great efficiency. And possibly still have walked out having forgotten to take care of the cameras.

I was, I will admit it, intrigued.

Not that my curiosity was a matter of concern. I would have had to track him down whether or not I was keen to know just how and why he’d come to be there.

He had Lady Chizu’s drive.

Inevitably, I must find him. And take it. And do all that she had asked of me.